Secrets have no place in a marriage.
I mean, it is supposed to be the most intimate relationship ever.
In marriage, you don’t just get to know your partner, you actually fuse and become one.
At least, that’s how the Bible describes it.
Marriage is meant to be built on trust and honesty, ideally.
However, like many other things, many marriages have deviated from the ideal state.
Even in marriages built on honesty and trust, sometimes it is possible to hide things from our partners.
We do this for many reasons.
Sometimes, we feel like we are protecting them.
At other times, we think we are protecting ourselves.
Regardless of our reasons, the truth is that secrets have no place in marriages.
It may seem to make things easier, but in the end, it makes things far worse than they would have been.
In this article, we will explore things most husbands hide from their wives.
I will also share some tidbits to help drive honest and effective communication in your family…
6 Things Most Husbands Hide From Their Wives
1. Finances
Money!
Many people have dwelled on the misconception that money, wealth, or affluence guarantees a happy relationship.
That is fundamentally wrong.
Many rich people are unhappy in their relationships…
The success of a relationship doesn’t depend on money.
However, somehow many men have this ideology and because of this, it is hard for them to come clean with their wives concerning financial matters.
Many men still hold on to the old-fashioned idea that a man must earn more than his wife and when that’s not the case, some of them usually lie about their financial situation.
They continue to take on more responsibilities while earning less than their wives, and because of this, their finances are in a precarious state.
They keep taking loans to gloss over their terrible financial situation while keeping their wives in the dark.
Really, this is such a sad way to experience marriage.
Marriage should be all about partnership and love.
If you can’t open up to your partner about your financial state, then your partnership has little point.
On the other end of the spectrum, some men hide their finances from their wives because they prefer to keep their income secret.
They have secret bank accounts and hidden cash stashes because they want to be financially independent.
However, this is the wrong ideology.
Complete disclosure of your finances doesn’t make you any less in control of your finances.
It only fosters trust and honesty in the relationship.
Your finances are your wife’s business.
She needs to know how things are going with you, financially.
Don’t keep her in the dark.
2. Personal insecurities
The stereotype of masculinity has no room for insecurity and weaknesses.
In reality, men also feel insecure.
We have those times when we feel weak and helpless.
But while females were raised to express their emotions, males were raised to shut theirs out.
Many married men feel insecure about a lot of things.
They feel insecure about their bodies and their balding hair, and most importantly, they worry about whether they are playing their roles as husbands and fathers well.
They need reassurance about these things but rather than open up, they clam up and try to act like nothing’s going on with them.
The problem is that insecurities don’t go away when you keep quiet about them.
They are only dealt with when you speak up.
Until then, you will keep on battling with insecurity.
Husbands need to realize this truth.
It won’t cost anything to open up to their wives about their daily battles with self-doubt.
It is through vulnerability that insecurities are effectively dealt with.
3. Addictions
Addictions can be really destructive…
Whether it is drugs, alcohol, or porn, addictions are destructive.
Addictions are sensitive topics to discuss and when men are addicted to something, they tend to keep it a secret.
Most men wouldn’t talk about their addictions to their wives and while drug and alcohol addictions have this uncanny way of announcing themselves, pornography is more subtle.
Men are usually scared of judgment from their wives and thus, would rather battle their demons alone.
Husbands need to realize that battling addictions on their own is never an effective way to get over addictions.
It is important to have a support system in such situations and what better support system is there for a man than his wife?
4. Work-related struggles
It is normal to come home and vent about a terrible day at work.
It is just a healthy way of handling stress.
Talking to your partner about things has this way of making them look less significant.
This is one thing that females find so easy in relationships.
Most men, on the other hand, don’t know how to do this.
My girlfriend could call me to vent because someone said something offensive to her.
She would call and tell me about how annoying her cab driver was or how the car’s air conditioner wasn’t working while they were stuck in traffic for hours.
I would try to make her feel better on the call and all the time, I could be going through much worse situations.
Most men feel that what makes them men is their ability to bear stressful situations without speaking up or asking for help.
Most men are facing lots of pressure at work but they choose to keep it hidden from their wives.
They don’t talk to their wives about it.
They just convince themselves that they are handling the pressure fine.
The fact is that they are not.
When husbands don’t express themselves to their wives normally, they still do it through other means.
When a man is under pressure, he may show it by being cranky and unnecessarily short-tempered.
Pent-up emotions have to be released, and when they are done the right way through effective communication with his wife, they will be expressed the wrong way.
5. Health issues
Now, most men don’t hide their health issues from their wives but some men do.
For many weird reasons, some men who have serious health conditions prefer to keep it hidden from their wives until it is too pronounced to be kept hidden.
Ranging from really chronic health issues like cancer to low sperm count, many men keep their wives in the dark about these issues.
I remember reading about a woman who had been married to a man for ten years without any conception.
She kept on going from hospital to hospital and the doctors’ verdicts never changed.
She was healthy and should have no issues with infertility.
She was advised to bring her husband along for testing but he kept on refusing to go.
In the long run, she discovered that he was infertile, and he had known this for years, but he just never told her.
He subjected her to so much misery because he just couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was the cause of their childlessness.
I don’t know his reason for doing this, but I suspect it has something to do with his ego.
Men may hide health issues from their wives if they feel like it may affect their ego.
This is a selfish reason.
However, some other men may keep their chronic health conditions secret because they don’t want to burden their wives.
Regardless of how noble the intentions are, your wife deserves to know what’s going on with you.
Don’t deprive them of this right.
6. Communication with exes
Almost all of us have exes…
Well, I said “almost” because, in some really rare cases, some people marry their first love.
Many men hide the fact that they still communicate with their exes from time to time.
Well, this is quite understandable because it could be a source of conflict in their marriage.
However, I need to ask a question…
Why are you still communicating with your ex?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to be enemies with your ex.
I am just asking you to examine the reasons you are still communicating with her.
Are they innocent?
Are you just being friendly?
Or are there undertones of what could have been still reflected in your conversations?
If your conversations are just innocent, you don’t need to keep them hidden from your wife.
However, if they are not, then you need to stop having such conversations.
Being friendly with your ex shouldn’t involve “harmless” flirting.
The fact is…
If you feel you need to hide the fact that you still talk to your ex, you are most likely not having innocent conversations.
Here we have them…
The above are the things most husbands hide from their wives.
If you have been hiding any of the above from your wife, you need to stop.
The first step to take to achieve this is to review the way you view your wife.
Some men have this unconscious belief that women are just only ever around for the good times.
This belief makes them hide when they are going through stuff and try to make things appear like they are good.
You need to start reviewing that mindset.
Your wife is your partner.
She is there to help you through the tough times.
But she can’t if you don’t talk to her.
So, you should give communication a try.
Express yourself honestly to your wife and just watch how helpful she can be.
A little sidenote to the women…
I know it’s hard knowing that your husband is hiding things from you.
He thinks he is hiding it so well but he doesn’t know that you know he is hiding something.
It’s hard not to be angry in this situation but you need to try to express it constructively.
Ensure that he knows you are always available to support him.
Try to keep an open mind concerning matters.
Criticize him when you must but don’t nag all the time.
Nagging has never encouraged anyone to open up.
Ultimately, open and effective communication is the duty of both husband and wife.
It can never be a one-sided effort.
To ensure a successful relationship, secrets should have no room in your relationship.