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12 Signs Of A Weak Marriage

12 Signs Of A Weak Marriage

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Some marriages are on life support, literally about to fall apart at the slightest hit.

Just because the couple is smiling, posting happy pictures on Instagram, or claiming to be having the best time of their lives does not mean they are truly happy or have a strong marriage.

The strength of a marriage can be known by closely watching the characteristics of that marriage.

Marriage, like any other relationship, can have a strong or weak bond.

Things like the couple’s compatibility, their behavior toward each other, their commitment to putting in the work, and how they handle situations all contribute to how weak or strong a marriage is.

To be able to tell if a marriage is weak, there are signs to look out for.

12 Signs Of A Weak Marriage

1. Lack of trust

signs of a weak marriage

Every time relationship counselors say that no relationship or marriage can thrive without trust, they’re not joking.

If you’ve been taking that statement lightly, it’s time to take it seriously.

You see, I could tell you hundreds of reasons why trust is crucial in a marriage and why the marriage will be fragile and breakable without it.

But I’ll just share a few.

Marriage requires vulnerability and openness.

It is a union that should free you from isolation and secret keeping because you’ve found someone with whom you can bear it all out.

But when one or both partners in the marriage lack trust in each other, it’s very unlikely for them to be open with each other.

You can’t fully share your thoughts, feelings, and dreams with someone you don’t trust.

Because trust creates a sense of security and safety within the relationship, where the partners know that they can rely on each other and that they have each other’s best interests at heart.

Another reason why a lack of trust can wear a marriage out is that trust is the foundation for intimacy, without it, true intimacy is difficult to achieve.

Couples who don’t trust each other can not have open communication, bonding, and deep connection because one or both of them always have to be looking over their shoulders.

And this is a recipe for making a marriage shaky.

2. Poor communication

There are only a few things that make a marriage immunocompromised, such as weak or absent communication.

Effective communication is like the oxygen for a healthy marriage because when it is present, everything is way easier.

When the communication in a marriage becomes poor, trust and understanding wanes, conflict resolution becomes a Herculean task, and intimacy and connection breaks.

Not only does the strain in communication lead to other negatives, but its presence itself is already a sign that the marriage is weak.

Because when conversations are minimal, superficial, or strained, it suggests a disconnect between a couple.

Unfortunately, that same communication is still the key to resolving issues and feeling connected.

So whatever affects the communication in a marriage, affects the strength of that marriage.

3. Servant leader relationship

signs of a weak marriage

If one person is strong and mighty and dominating over the other in the marriage, it is a sign that the marriage is weak.

Marriage is a partnership between two people who have equal rights to being heard, considered, and valued.

Even as a Christian who believes in the Bible, I understand that the instruction for the wife to submit to her husband is not one that connotes subjugation and suppression.

It creates order and is well-balanced by the instruction that the man should treasure, love, value, understand, and respect his wife.

A marriage where either the wife or the husband has absolute authority and can impose on the other person’s life, constantly trampling on their rights and privileges is a marriage that will soon bite the dust.

4. Constant criticism

When a marriage is characterized by verbal abuse and harsh attacks, it is not a strong marriage.

This is because the effects of those harsh words and hostile jabs are always negative.

It can create a sense of insecurity and anxiety, breed resentment, and anger, discourage improvement, and kill intimacy.

I’ve left friendships and withdrawn from people just because I couldn’t deal with their constant negative talks to me and their inability to be constructive in their giving of feedback.

No relationship where incessant criticism exists can be formidable.

5. Constant arguments and lack of forgiveness

signs of a weak marriage

If the couple is always arguing and bickering at each other, it’s a sign that something is fundamentally wrong.

The fact that they’re always fighting shows that the marriage is compromised somehow.

It’s either that they have an underlying issue that hasn’t been addressed, hence the reoccurrence of arguments due to resentment and bitterness, or that they have poor conflict management skills.

It could also be that they have destructive communication patterns or do not trust and respect each other.

Whichever the case, the fact remains that constant fighting over both minor and major issues can signify that the marriage is feeble.

6. No arguments

You’d think that just because I said that constant argument is a negative sign, it means zero arguments should be the gold standard test of a healthy or peaceful marriage.

The reverse is the case.

You might be surprised, but zero arguments or a complete avoidance of conflict can also be a sign of a weak marriage.

Here’s why:

The avoidance of conflicts often means that important issues are being ignored, leading to unresolved problems festering over time.

It could also be a sign that the communication in the marriage is poor or that there’s a one-sided power dynamic.

All of which are negative signs.

So just because they never fight doesn’t mean that they have a strong marriage.

It very likely means the opposite.

7. Lack of intimacy and emotional connection

signs of a weak marriage

I recently watched a YouTube video where a couple shared about a tough marriage season and their mistakes.

The husband shared how he used to be one to withdraw to himself and avoid all forms of intimacy when he was going through stuff.

But over time, he saw how that negatively affected their marriage and made things way worse, so he retraced his steps.

One of the reasons a couple begins to live together when they get married is to create a space for intimacy, connection, and bonding.

When these are in place, the union is strengthened and has the potential to last more.

This is why emotional distance, lack of intimacy, and individual needs are constantly unmet a sign that a marriage is not strong.

Not only does it weaken the bond in a marriage, but it can also spiral into other negative things like one or both parties seeking fulfillment outside the marriage, further weakening the bond.

8. Lack of transparency

Remember we talked about lack of trust earlier on?

This is one of the leading causes of that.

When a couple entertain and promote frequent lies and secrets, they cripple their marriage.

A marriage where the couple frequently lies about little or big things and intentionally keeps secrets from each other is a weak marriage.

Whether it’s the wife is making significant purchases without discussing them with her husband or the husband is hanging out with people he doesn’t want his wife to know about, mistrust and conflict are brewing, and it’s taking a toll on the marriage.

9. Prioritizing others over spouse

signs of a weak marriage

When people say that just because they’re married doesn’t mean their priorities will change or they’ll place their spouse above everything else, it’s not a flex.

Getting married means that you’re dedicating yourself to being committed to someone above all else all your life.

Many people get married these days without properly understanding this and it leads to the creation of marriages that are lacking in friends.

If you see a marriage where the partners constantly choose friends, family, or work over spending time with or showing support for each other, you’ll be right to say that the marriage is not their priority.

And a marriage like that is unlikely to be healthy.

10. Living separate lives

If both partners are always in a world of their own, doing their own thing and not involving each other, that’s a weak marriage.

It indicates that the partners are unwilling or uninterested in maintaining a shared life so they’d rather do their own thing and this saps the strength out of marriages.

This is one of the reasons why I do not encourage married couples to live apart for extended periods.

It takes away from the bond that shared experiences create.

When a marriage is weak, it’s not in all cases that third parties will be able to tell, but the two people in the marriage will know because it’s their marriage.

These signs are helpful pointers to helping couples test the strength of their marriage.

This is crucial because recognizing the signs early can help couples address and resolve issues before they become insurmountable, potentially saving the relationship.

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