Look, you can be the strongest, most independent woman on earth…
Like be the CEO in the streets, prayer warrior in the church, boss babe, and whatever amazing thing you’ve got going on, but let’s not lie, you still want your husband to desire you.
And not just on your birthday or anniversary.
You want him to look at you like he can’t believe he got you.
Like you’re still the woman who makes his heart beat fast and his hands do foolish things.
So when that desire goes missing…
I mean, when the man who vowed to love you in sickness and in health stops longing for you, it’s a nightmare.
As badass as you are, you might find yourself Googling “how to know if my husband still wants me.”
Because when your husband stops desiring you, the following happens:
When Your Husband Stops Desiring You, These 9 Things Quietly Start Happening
1. He Stops Touching You in Every Way
Sex is one of the greatest pleasures of life, but this is not just about sex.
Desire shows up in the little touches like brushing past you in the kitchen and holding your waist for no reason.
Oh, I love this one!
Placing his hand on your thigh while watching a movie, pulling you close during morning prayers, rubbing your shoulders when especially when you’re a little tense..
That’s the language of a man who wants you, not just loves you.
When he stops desiring you, these everyday touches vanish.
Suddenly, his hands are always in his pockets.
He sits at the edge of the bed like you’re allergic to each other.
Don’t even think about cuddles… those are now reserved for the throw pillow.
And yes, maybe he’ll say, “I’m just tired” or “You’re reading meaning into everything.”
But you know.
We women always know.
You can feel when your man’s touch has changed.
You can tell when it’s no longer coming from a place of want, but obligation… or worse, God forbid, indifference.
To lessen the feeling of rejection, you tell yourself it’s no big deal.
But it is.
Because when a man stops reaching for you, you start forgetting what it feels like to be held.
2. He No Longer Compliments You
A husband who still desires his wife can’t keep quiet when she walks into the room looking like a full-course meal.
It doesn’t matter how much you’ve been married to him; if a man desires you, compliments will flow out of him.
Why?
Because his desire makes him notice you.
If a man doesn’t long for you anymore, he’ll stop noticing you.
You put on a new outfit, do your hair, maybe even wear that perfume he used to love, and nothing.
No reaction. Just silence.
As if you’re invisible.
But you’re not.
Because others compliment you.
It’s just your husband, who doesn’t care enough to say anything.
Every woman wants to know her husband finds her beautiful without having to ask.
3. He No Longer Initiates Sex
How best can you know your husband desires you if not by the way he wants to have sex with you?
I won’t sugarcoat it.
Sex is one of the rawest expressions of desire in a marriage.
A man who still wants his wife shows it in the way he touches her, looks at her, and, most importantly, in the way he initiates sex.
Not out of duty.
Not out of pity.
But because he wants her.
He craves that closeness, that pleasure, that connection.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s not about getting it on every day.
No.
I’m talking about that desire and passion that makes a man long for you, even if it’s twice or thrice a week.
But when that’s no longer your experience, you stop feeling like his woman and start feeling like his flatmate.
He comes home, eats, scrolls through his phone, turns over, and sleeps.
Night after night.
You could be standing there naked, and he wouldn’t flinch.
And when you risk rejection and initiate?
He gives excuses:
“I’m tired.”
“I have a headache.”
“Let’s do it tomorrow.”
But tomorrow keeps dragging and dragging until sex becomes a distant memory in your marriage.
No matter how confident you are as a woman, this messes with your head.
You wonder if it’s your body, your weight, your scent, your stretch marks.
You start overcompensating…. buying lingerie, trying new styles, Googling “how to spice up your marriage.”
But you and I know that you’re not looking for spice.
You’re looking for proof that he still wants you.
A man who desires his wife doesn’t just wait to be seduced; he actively seeks her out.
4. Communication Goes To Sh*t
See, desire is not just physical, it’s emotional.
A man who truly desires his wife doesn’t just want to touch her body; he wants access to her mind.
He wants to be in her space, her thoughts, her world.
Conversation is one of the ways he connects, flirts, and reminds you that he still sees you.
In fact, it’s this part that solidifies the physical aspect.
A man who desires you will want to talk with you.
Like really talk…not the “did you cook?” kind of talk, but the “what are you thinking? Tell me everything,” kind.
He wants to hear how your day went, what’s stressing you out, what random thing made you laugh.
Even the silly, unnecessary gist, he wants it all.
He’ll also tell you his own.
They say men are usually laconic and we women are loquacious, but have you seen a man who is really into a woman?
I don’t care how introverted he is.
He will talk!
But when that desire is absent, talking also dies.
Everything becomes dry and robotic.
“Did you buy soap?”
“Who’s picking the kids?”
“Don’t forget my clothes at the dry cleaner.”
“How are we paying the bills?”
Your whole marriage becomes a glorified to-do list.
No jokes. No check-ins. No real laughter.
It hurts because you remember how it used to be.
How he’d call you randomly just to hear your voice.
How you’d gist for hours and fall asleep mid-conversation.
Now?
He barely even looks up from his phone when you’re talking.
5. He Spends More Time on His Phone Than With You
I won’t be a saint to say many of us aren’t addicted to our phones these days.
Come on, it’s 2025.
We have to read books like “100 Things We’ve Lost to the Internet”, “Hyperfocus”, and much more to curb our phone usage.
But no matter how addicted a man is to his phone, he’ll still pay attention to you if he longs for you.
If that’s not the case, his phone will become his new partner.
He’s always scrolling. Instagram, TikTok, sports news, random videos….everything else is more interesting than you.
You could be sitting beside him in silence, waiting for some form of connection, and he won’t even notice.
You ask a question, he grunts
You start talking; he nods without looking.
You dress up and walk past; he doesn’t even blink.
It’s not about the phone.
It’s about where his attention goes when his desire for you is no longer active.
A man who desires his wife will be distracted by her.
He won’t be able to help it.
Even if he’s working or scrolling, you’re still the most magnetic thing in the room to him.
He’ll sneak glances.
Make comments.
Pull you closer.
Smile when you laugh.
Something. Anything.
But when you become invisible to him, and his phone gets all the energy you used to have?
That’s not just disinterest, sis, that’s emotional detachment.
Desire isn’t just about what a man says; it’s about what he chooses to pay attention to.
And when your husband stops paying attention to you, it’s a clear sign his desire has shifted… or disappeared.
6. He Doesn’t Seem Jealous or Protective Anymore
I’m not talking about toxic, controlling jealousy.
But there’s a kind of healthy jealousy and protectiveness that comes from desire.
When a man is still drawn to his wife, he notices when other men notice her too.
He’s aware.
He may not say much, but you’ll catch it in his expression, in his subtle reactions.
He doesn’t want another man to have you because he still wants you.
A man who has stopped desiring you doesn’t care who’s looking at you or even how you’re looking.
You could even wear something tight or revealing out of the house.
He doesn’t blink.
In fact, he might even say, “You’re free to go.”
Not because he trusts you, but because he’s indifferent and no longer sees you as someone worth competing for.
7. He No Longer Cares About Your Feelings
One of the loudest signs a man no longer desires his wife is how casually he handles her emotions.
Things that used to move him before… your tears, your silence, your frustration…now barely scratch the surface.
He tells you you’re overreacting when you’re clearly upset.
You try to explain how something made you feel, he cuts you off with, “I don’t have time for this.”
You could be crying, and he will roll over and sleep.
It’s like you’re talking to a wall that used to love you.
When a man desires you, your emotions matter to him.
Even if he doesn’t always have the right words, he cares, listens, and wants to be your safe space.
8. You Start Feeling the Need to Compete With Other Women
There’s this saying that if his conversation is getting shorter with you, it’s probably getting longer with someone else.
So also, if he’s no longer desiring you, you start wondering who or what has captured his attention instead.
You don’t even mean to do it, but suddenly you’re noticing other women differently.
You pay attention to their looks, their clothes, and their confidence.
You wonder what they have that you don’t.
Maybe it’s the lady at his office whose name pops up often, or the women he likes pictures of on social media.
You start comparing yourself to women who haven’t spent a day living your life.
A man who truly desires you makes it clear that you’re not competing with anybody.
You’re his choice, his priority, the woman he keeps choosing again and again.
So when you find yourself silently comparing, secretly competing, or quietly questioning your worth because your husband no longer seems to want you, the problem isn’t with the women around you.
And it certainly isn’t you.
The issue is that the man who should make you feel secure in your place as his woman has withdrawn the desire that gave you that confidence in the first place.
9. You Start Feeling More Like a Burden Than a Lover
What do you expect a woman who has been constantly ignored, emotionally dismissed, and sexually rejected to feel, if not like a burden?
She used to be soft and playful.
But the rejection and neglect have hardened her emotionally because she’s tired of trying to be wanted by someone who acts like she’s too much.
And so she stops showing up as a lover, a partner, or even herself.
She’s just… there.
Existing.
Okay, now we’ve got the signs, what should you do if you’re here?
First, take a deep breath.
If you’ve seen yourself in these signs, you’re not crazy.
You’re not needy.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re asking for what you deserve….to be wanted, pursued, and cherished in your marriage.
That’s not pride. That’s your God-given right as a wife, as a woman.
So what should you do?
1. Acknowledge how you feel.
Don’t sweep it under the rug.
Don’t downplay it.
You can’t fix what you won’t admit.
Feeling undesired in a marriage slowly chips at your confidence, but naming it gives you back your power.
2. Talk to your husband.
Yes, it’s hard.
But silence won’t save the marriage.
Have the uncomfortable conversation.
Not with accusations, but with honesty. “I miss us. I miss feeling wanted by you.”
Sometimes, these men don’t even know how far they’ve drifted.
3. Focus on rebuilding your confidence.
This is important.
Don’t tie your worth to his attention.
Start doing things that make you feel good in your skin again.
Dress for you.
Move for you.
Speak kindly to yourself.
Remind yourself that you are still a prize, even if he’s forgotten.
4. Seek help.
If nothing is working, consider marriage counseling.
Sometimes you need a third party to help unpack the tension and trace the disconnect back to its root.
5. Know when to pause and protect your peace.
If you’ve tried everything and he remains indifferent, protect your heart.
You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup, and you shouldn’t keep begging to be seen in a relationship where you should be adored.
Yeah, desire can be rekindled.
Marriages can heal.
But you must not lose yourself while trying to revive someone else’s interest.