Before you come for my cornrows (that’s the hairstyle I’m currently making), let me just say this: I’m not promoting infidelity.
At all.
I believe in loyalty, communication, therapy, and doing everything possible to make a marriage work.
But I came across this question on Google:
Why Do Cheating Wives Do Nasty Things With Other Men But Not Their Husbands? 6 Reasons
And I won’t lie, it caught my attention.
Not because I support what they’re doing, but because I genuinely wanted to understand it, especially as a wife.
Like… what’s the psychology behind it?
What’s really going on under the surface?
Whether we like it or not, this is something that actually happens.
We address a lot of infidelity issues on this blog, and people leave comments from their personal experiences.
So, there are husbands who feel like their wives have become cold and uninterested, but then hear or discover she’s doing things with another man that she never did with them.
Instead of pretending like it’s not a thing, let’s talk about it.
Why Do Cheating Wives Do Nasty Things With Other Men But Not Their Husbands?
1. He has poor hygiene
We seriously underestimate the impact of good hygiene on marriage. and especially, on sex.
Nobody wants to get freaky with someone who smells like frustration and stale sweat.
One of the reasons I remain physically attracted to my husband is that he takes such good care of himself.
He showers properly.
He uses deodorant.
He shaves.
He moisturizes.
He smells like intention, and sometimes, just from his scent alone, I want to jump on him.
No joke. Lol.
Even though I still remind him to get a haircut here and there because I’m a sucker for a clean, fresh fade, he’s got the basics covered.
And that matters. A lot.
But imagine the opposite.
Imagine a woman being constantly turned off by her husband’s odor.
The bad breath, unwashed boxers, the socks that could probably walk on their own…
Bruh, how’s she supposed to even think about doing anything spicy with you?
Just how?
No matter how committed a woman is, her body won’t cooperate if her senses are under attack.
You can’t expect a head when your body smells like one.
Hygiene isn’t about being perfect; it’s about making an effort.
A man who doesn’t prioritize cleanliness shouldn’t expect any freaky freaky in the bedroom.
Attraction has layers, and smell is one of the biggest.
Fix it!
Even if she loves you, she can’t force herself to be intimate with someone who smells like neglect.
2. Some men say they want a freak, but they can’t handle the freak they married
You want a freak in bed, but the moment your wife tries something bold, you start looking at her like she just returned from a brothel.
Some men say they want adventure, but they’re more comfortable with a woman who plays it safe.
The moment she tries something daring, it’s, “Where did you learn that from?”
Do you want her to explore or do you want her to explain?
That’s how women get quiet and fold back into themselves.
She goes from wearing lingerie to oversized T-shirts because the one person she wanted to be wild with made her feel judged for it.
So she stops trying, stops initiating, stops suggesting new things, and becomes the ‘good’ demure wife you want her to be.
She’s not dry or boring; she doesn’t just feel safe.
But with a man who accepts and loves all of her, she doesn’t have to overthink every move because there is no suspicion or interrogation.
That’s why she can give not just her body, but her energy, her creativity, her boldness, her wildness.
All of it!
So, before you start complaining that your wife isn’t the way she used to be, ask yourself if you created space for her to be her full self.
Because some men are out here killing the fire, then blaming the cold.
3. She’s emotionally disconnected, and that thing affects everything
I always remind my husband that women are not like light switches.
You can’t talk to your wife like she’s your flatmate all week, then expect her to transform into your private dancer at night.
It doesn’t work like that.
If her heart is off, her body won’t turn on.
You can’t touch a woman’s body properly when you haven’t touched her heart in months.
Simple.
Here’s the part men don’t always get: women are emotional beings.
If she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with you, her body will protect her from you.
You can’t expect her to moan when she’s still nursing the hurtful things you said from that argument three days ago.
You can’t ask her to be freaky when she keeps complaining about the same things over and over again.
This is why a man who has no history with her, no emotional wounds, and no baggage can make her feel free and open.
Emotional disconnection weighs a woman down.
And when she’s heavy, she shuts everything down, including her desire.
4. She doesn’t feel wanted. She feels used
Before you get excited that a man says he needs you, know that there’s a difference between being needed and being wanted, and it’s not a small one.
”I need you” sounds nice until you realize it’s just another way of saying, “I can’t function without your services.”
Not you, just what you provide.
These men will say, “I need you,” but what they really mean is:
“I need your cooking.”
“I need your emotional support.”
“I need you to hold this family down while I figure myself out.”
“I need someone to sleep next to.”
But does he want you?
Does he want to flirt with you?
Does he want to make you laugh till your stomach hurts?
Does he randomly pull you close just to smell your skin?
Does he text you in the middle of the day just because he thought about how fine you are?
Now you get it.
I don’t want to just be needed, I want to be wanted!
You want a woman to hold everything together: cooking, cleaning, carrying emotional loads, parenting, working, checking in on you, and you expect her to keep things spicy in bed.
She can’t because she’s drained.
She’s tired of being the one who gives, gives, gives, with nothing pouring back into her.
What you call normal married life, she’s beginning to experience as one-sided labour.
Cool, you need her… but do you want her?
Does she still feel like your woman, or just the house manager who shares your bed?
When another man notices what you’ve been ignoring, he doesn’t have to do much.
He just has to pay attention.
Notice her hair.
Ask how her day went and actually listen.
Look at her like she’s still desirable, and she starts opening up.
Before she knows it, she’s giving this new man something she hasn’t been able to give her husband in a long time: her softness. Her energy. Her fire. Her wildness.
You can’t give passion from a place of emptiness.
If you want the woman you married to keep giving, you have to keep pouring.
Not just “I need you,” but “I still want you.”
Men, are you learning?
5. She stopped trying with her husband
It takes two to tango.
You can’t get freaky with a man who doesn’t put in the same energy.
You think a woman just wakes up one day and decides to stop trying?
Nah.
In the beginning, she probably came with fire, initiating things, wearing the sexy stuff, sending “come home” texts.
Trying to keep things alive and keep the spark burning.
She tried.
She put in effort.
But what did she get back?
Cold energy.
Dry and discouraging responses.
“Later.”
“I’m tired.”
“Must we?”
”What’s all this now?”
”I don’t have time for this.”
He made her feel somehow for even wanting more.
Like she was being too much or too forward.
How do you keep trying when you’re the only one trying?
Don’t expect fireworks when you don’t even bring a matchstick.
If she meets a man who matches her energy, you’ll be shocked at what she can do.
Women want to give, but not where we are constantly shut out.
You can’t bring laziness to intimacy and expect passion in return.
6. You’re Resentful
How can you do nasty things with someone you’re not happy with?
Even boring, regular, let’s just get this over with lovemaking requires a little bit of emotional vulnerability.
Now imagine ignoring every stereotype you were raised with, throwing modesty out the window, throwing caution to the wind, and unleashing your freakiest, wildest self with a man you are secretly angry at?
It’s not happening.
A lot of people, mostly men, underestimate how emotional many of us women are when it comes to sex.
Our bodies don’t open up when our hearts are closed.
When you are not happy with a man, you can’t even bring yourself to kiss him with passion, let alone do nasty things with him.
It’s hard to give your body to someone who makes your heart ache.
In fact, you’ll flinch at his touch.
You’ll even roll your eyes when he tries to initiate.
Well, you might still do the do here and there, but there’ll be no passion.
You’ll do the barest minimum, waiting for it to be over so you can go back to scrolling Instagram because you have checked out emotionally.
Even if a woman is not cheating, she might just lie there during sex,
So if she’s with a man who does everything her husband doesn’t do….if he sees her, listens to her, makes her feel special and desired, her sensuality will wake up from its coma.
She will discover a version of herself she didn’t even know existed because she finally feels emotionally safe enough to express herself fully.
This is why some husbands are shocked.
“She used to be like this… she used to do that…” blah blah blah..
Yes, she used to, bro. Before her heart hardened.
You can’t unlock the freak in a woman you keep hurting.
Again, I don’t support a woman cheating.
Like at all.
If you’re married, you shouldn’t even be flirting with another man, let alone doing nasty things behind your husband’s back.
So, this post isn’t about justifying bad behavior; it’s looking at the why.
Because things like this don’t just happen out of nowhere.
Women don’t just wake up one day and become wild for someone else while being cold at home.
There’s usually a story behind it.
Does that make cheating right?
No, but it shows us there’s more to it than meets the eye.
If you’re a husband reading this, let it challenge you, not to blame yourself for someone else’s choices, but to reflect.
Have you created a space where your wife feels wanted and safe?
Do you still flirt with her?
Do you still make her feel like your woman, not just your responsibility?
When a woman feels loved the right way, she won’t be out there looking for attention in the wrong places.
Again, cheating is never the answer.
But neglect isn’t either.
Welcome to my TED Talk!
*drops mic*