Recently, there’s so much talk about how men ask what women bring to the table on a date.
And often, this conversation is laced with offence on the part of women about how insulting they find the question.
Don’t misunderstand that I’m here to tell you not to be offended by the question.
That’s not the intent of this post.
What I would do is provide answers to why men ask what women bring to the table.
I urge you to keep an open mind and then decide how you feel about the question after reading it.
As we address this question, one thing to bear in mind is that men are different, just like women.
Although there might be common reasons why a demographic does a certain thing, different intentions can also exist.
Having said that, let’s demystify this question.
Why Men Ask What Women Bring to the Table: 6 Reasons They Ask
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They are asking literally
I understand what you mean when you say you hate this question.
I also feel belittled when my worth is reduced to my bank account or occupation.
However, let’s sheath our swords a little; some men are really just asking to know how you would complement them.
You’d agree that we all have and should have relationship standards.
We can argue about the validity of different standards later, but what’s clear is that you have a picture of the kind of man you want to be with.
In the same way, men also have a picture of their dream woman.
For that reason, some men ask a woman what she brings to the table to determine whether she fits the image of their perfect woman.
It is as simple as that for some of them.
He may want to know if your job complements him or if your idea of marriage is compatible with his.
For instance, if he is looking for a more traditional woman, he can figure that out from your response.
If your answer is more career-focused, it may give him the impression that you may not be the one for him because he wants a woman who is content being a mother.
Plus, as patronizing as you might find the question, it saves you from wasting time.
When you both know on the first date that the relationship won’t work, you can save yourself the stress.
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They are not certain you will add anything to them
Some men ask what women bring to the table because they cannot see it on a surface level.
Maybe there is something they are looking for, but at first glance, they can’t tell.
So, they ask the woman to get clarity.
Like I said earlier, men have a picture of their dream woman like we do, so it’s only fair that they also make sure they get her.
If it is not clear from the get-go that she is the one, they might ask that question to know if she has what they are looking for and can add to their life what they need.
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They are using it as a conversation filler
Unfortunately, not everybody is a good conversationalist; some people struggle to make conversation and would, therefore, find any and everything to make up for it.
You could say they should prepare for the date by reading up questions to ask on a date if they had to, and you’d be right.
But, some people are just genuinely awkward; it would take a lot to save them, or they just don’t know that’s an option to consider.
However, considering the question of what a woman brings to the table is a recurring discourse on social media, it is already lurking in their minds.
So they don’t have to struggle too much to pull it out when looking for conversation fillers.
It is right there to protect them from an awkward date.
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They think they should ask
Dating is the ghetto these days; forgive my flowery words.
People are literally scared of falling into the wrong hands.
Therefore, if they feel any question would help them make the right decision, they will likely go for it.
There is a reason people read relationship blogs and books; they want to know what to look for in order to find the love of their lives.
For that reason, some men may ask you what you bring to the table because they think they should to better their chances of filtering out the wrong women.
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They have been told by influencers to ask
People look up to influencers for different aspects of life, including relationships.
If they like and resonate with a person, they would likely swallow everything the person says.
Many male influencers and podcasters advocate for asking women what they bring to the table.
If a man respects one who does, he will likely ask that question.
Just as some of us look up to our fashion idols and follow their style, some men may look up to these relationship influencers and take their advice on dating tactics.
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He is an incel
And yes, some men ask this question because they are incels.
They are a group of men who ask this question to put a woman down.
They don’t believe women have anything to offer in the first place, so asking is a backhand way of letting you know you are offering them nothing but your body.
They are convinced and, therefore, want to convince you that you should be at their beck and call because they would be offering more financially while your role is to provide domestic support and be a bed warmer.
How to Respond to Men Who Ask What Women Bring to the Table
Having read the above and rightly have your opinion on what this question means for you, let’s discuss some of the best ways to respond to it when it’s posed on a date.
This is important because we need to correctly classify people.
Human beings are complicated; two people may act the same way or do the same thing for different reasons.
Penalizing the one who is sincere would be a mistake because some people are genuinely ignorant or wrong; they don’t always mean to offend others when they do certain things.
By extending grace and asking for clarification, you can discern who is sincere and who isn’t.
Therefore, when this question is posed, we need to know how to respond to it appropriately.
- Ask for clarification
When you ask for clarifications on what he means by asking, you would know his thought process and be able to figure out if he is asking because he is putting you down or genuinely wants to know how you would complement him.
- Explain why you don’t like the question if you don’t
If you don’t like the question outright, let him know, but do it politely.
You don’t want to accuse someone with a good intention.
Giving people grace until they show you their dark side is important to creating sincere connections.
From his response, you’d be able to know his true intentions.
- Answer the question and use other parameters
You could also answer the question and determine who he is using other parameters, such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
These nonverbal cues can reveal a lot about a person’s true intentions.
If he is asking with a genuine curiosity, his body language will likely be open and his tone of voice and facial expressions will be positive.
On the other hand, if he is asking with malicious intent, his body language may be closed off and defensive, his tone of voice may be condescending or mocking, and his facial expressions may convey insincerity or contempt.
Paying attention to these subtle cues can help you decipher his true intentions and respond accordingly.
In addition to these nonverbal cues, pay attention to the context in which the question is being asked.
Is it in a group setting where he might be trying to show off or assert dominance?
Or is it in a one-on-one conversation where he may be genuinely seeking information or advice?
One can only hide for so long.
Before long, their true nature will show.
You will soon know if he is a good man and vice versa.