Perhaps the institution that gets the most pieces of advice is marriage.
From your favorite aunty, your friendly neighbor, to your go-to rom-com, there is always something to hear about what to do and not to do in marriage.
This is probably not surprising, considering how sensitive marriage is.
Therefore, solicited or not, people feel the need to advise you and tell you what you need to do to protect your home.
So, I understand that these pieces of advice are well-meaning, and the people offering them genuinely feel that’s what you need to keep your marriage.
Although most are thoughts simply passed down from generation to generation—that’s not the point—what matters is that they are often given with the best of intentions.
The problem is that the fact that something is well-meaning doesn’t mean it is correct.
Many pieces of advice I have heard from different quarters are not the best and might end up causing harm if not applied with wisdom.
And some are outrightly useless and serve no purpose, which is why I wrote this article.
I share eleven of the world’s worst advice on marriage that are not beneficial to you.
11 of The World’s Worst Advice on Marriage
1. Never go to bed angry
This one sounds sweet and even logical.
Think about it: it can’t be bad that we are told to resolve our issues before we retire for the day, right?
Wrong!
The reason is that it’s not always realistic.
Sometimes, you need time to cool off and think things through before revisiting the issue.
When tempers are flaring, and you are both being unreasonable and irrational, the best course of action is not resolution.
Instead, try taking a break to calm your nerves and reconvene for a fresher look.
By that time, everyone would have done an introspection, and when you love each other, you would be able to address the issue more selflessly.
But forcing a resolution before you’re ready only leads to more frustration; it does nothing for the issue.
In fact, it might even cause a faux resolution where you resolve nothing but sweep things under the rug because you want to ensure to keep the advice of not going to bed angry.
Sleep is not a magic wand, but I’ve found that a good night’s sleep can give you a clearer perspective.
So, don’t feel pressured to solve every fight before bedtime; take the necessary time off and come back ready to handle it with less intense emotions.
2. Children will fix your marriage
I often tell people that I don’t think it is the best practice to get pregnant immediately after your wedding.
I believe a young couple should spend at least six months together, getting used to their new circumstances and enjoying each other before bringing in kids.
This is because children are an added responsibility, no matter how you look at it.
I understand that they are a blessing as well, but they will rely on you for a good part of their lives – at least 18 years.
And even at that, you never stop worrying about them.
So, expecting children to make a marriage better is terrible advice.
Instead of fixing it, they can add more stress to an already shaky relationship.
If there are cracks in your marriage, bringing a child into the mix won’t magically fix them.
It’s better to work on your issues before you add kids to the picture.
If not, you risk further resenting each other or making your child feel like a burden.
3. Always put your partner’s needs before your own
This is also one of those pieces of advice that sounds logical, but it’s not always straightforward.
In fact, this looks like the best advice because it seems selfless.
If I’m going to spend my life with someone, surely I should always prioritize their needs.
Well, the problem is not the advice itself; it is the “always” that’s the issue there.
Compromise is essential in a marriage; without it, you won’t have a home.
There are many times when you will need to sacrifice your desires for your partner and vice versa.
However, losing yourself in a marriage is unhealthy.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you constantly prioritize your spouse’s needs over your own, you’ll burn out, which can lead to resentment.
Balancing it is essential.
You have to take care of yourself first so you can be your best self in the relationship.
It also has to be mutual, not in the sense of tit-for-tat.
You shouldn’t do, “I compromised yesterday, so you should compromise today.”
No, but both parties have to be willing to let things go for the other.
Additionally, this advice is not the best because it doesn’t take into account non-negotiables.
You cannot afford to sacrifice some things in marriage because you will end up losing your essence.
When you lose yourself, you’ll be unable to give your best, which can lead to the destruction of the marriage.
4. Marriage means you have to sacrifice your happiness
Very similar to the above, this is a very terrible advice.
It’s synonymous with the common trope about marriage being an institution to be endured, not enjoyed.
Now, I understand the sentiment because everyone needs to go into marriage with realistic expectations.
Don’t go in expecting a bed of roses every day; there will be down times, but there should also be up times.
Plus, your spouse is imperfect, just like you are.
So, you will need to learn to live with some of their flaws.
However, that doesn’t mean marriage should be endured.
Why should anyone seek to be in an institution where they are perpetually enduring hardship?
But then again, it may be about semantics, which simply means you should be able to persist when things are not rosy.
For that, I agree.
As already established, marriage requires compromises.
But you shouldn’t give up your joy or passions to keep things going.
A healthy relationship should uplift you, not drain you.
It’s important to nurture your happiness because when you’re happy, the marriage will naturally benefit from that positive energy.
But when you are constantly sad and enduring things, you will break down one day.
And you won’t be able to give what’s necessary for the home to thrive.
5. Keep secrets to avoid hurting your spouse
This advice is given because you need to protect your partner from certain information because they will be unable to handle it.
But this is a slippery slope.
Keeping things from your partner, no matter how small, can create distance and mistrust when found out.
And truth always finds a way to come out.
When it does, I’ve seen little secrets snowball into major issues.
Something that would have been manageable if the spouse had come out earlier could become irreparable because the other party found out elsewhere.
Honesty might be uncomfortable, but it builds trust.
It’s always better to be upfront and work through things together than to let your partner learn secrets from third parties.
6. Your partner should be your everything
This is an idea that seems romantic but is unrealistic and dangerous.
The reason is that nobody can be everything to you.
That’s why I don’t understand people who get married and forget they once had friends who loved them and were there for them as singles.
Yes, your partner should be your best friend in terms of being the closest person to you because they have become a part of you.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have other people in your life fulfilling other needs.
There are certain things your spouse might not understand about you because they are of the opposite gender that only your friends will relate to.
Also, depending on one person for all your emotional needs is too much pressure for anyone.
You need friends, hobbies, and interests outside your marriage to stay balanced.
When you rely on your spouse for everything, it can suffocate the relationship.
Your marriage will thrive better when both of you have full lives outside of each other.
7. Jealousy means they love you
There is a level of jealousy that is required in marriage and relationships.
When someone cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you, it’s expected to be jealous when they see you with someone else.
This form of jealousy is more protective of what you have because you don’t want to lose it.
There is another form, though, that is more possessive and controlling.
That one is not love; it’s insecurity.
It shows that you don’t trust your partner or want to possess them.
Give your partner some space and trust them to do right by you.
Following their every move because you think jealousy is right will not endear you to them.
Instead, it will frustrate them and could lead to resentment.
8. If you are with the right person, it will be easy
This is one of the most misleading pieces of advice out there.
No relationship is without challenges, even with the “right” person.
Thinking it should always be easy sets up unrealistic expectations.
Even the best relationships go through tough times.
They experience financial stress, miscommunication, or just life’s ups and downs.
So, don’t be misled into thinking your spouse is wrong for you because things are sometimes rough.
You will not find someone with whom everything will always be smooth.
So, focus on your person who is willing to work through the hard stuff with you.
The right person is someone you grow with, not someone who magically makes things easy.
9. Marriage should be 50/50
The advice stems from wanting marriage to be balanced with both parties putting in equal effort.
But the idea that marriage is always 50/50 is unrealistic.
The truth is that sometimes, one person has to carry more of the load, and that’s okay.
There are days when you’ll give 80%, and your partner can only give 20%, and vice versa.
For instance, if one partner takes a course to negotiate better pay, the other may need to pick up the slack until they finish.
Then, the balance can shift when the other person needs more support.
That’s a more realistic way to view marriage.
What matters is that you both show up and support each other when needed.
10. Your kids should always come first
This advice comes from a good place, but if you’re constantly putting your kids before your marriage, it can backfire.
Yes, your kids are important, but your relationship with your spouse sets the foundation for the entire family.
If you neglect each other, the marriage weakens, and the whole family dynamic suffers.
Taking time to nurture your marriage benefits everyone, including the kids.
This is because your children will thrive better in a happy and secure environment due to your strong connection.
Prioritizing your relationship isn’t selfish; it’s essential for the long haul.
Plus, letting your kids know that mum and dad are a formidable team is better for their nurturing.
It gives them a healthier view of marriage.
11. Sex will fade away with time
It’s common to hear that sex naturally fades in marriage, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
While the initial spark may change over time, intimacy can evolve and deepen if you nurture it.
Assuming it’s inevitable for sexual desire to disappear creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, life gets busy, but you must make time for physical and emotional connection to keep the spark alive.
If you have to schedule sex because there is no time for spontaneity, do it.
What’s important is that the bedroom is not suffering, and your connection is still strong.
The truth is that with effort, communication, and a little creativity, sex can actually get better as you grow together.
Whether you like it or not, you’ll always get opinions about marriage.
It’s your responsibility to filter out the good from the bad.