Marriage can be fun.
But it is also not a stroll in the park.
It requires love, passion, and commitment that will help you get through the tough times.
It gets even harder when you are married to an insecure husband.
Don’t get me wrong; we all have our insecure moments.
We all have that moment when we are unsure of ourselves and need validation from somebody.
These occasional moments of self-doubt don’t make you an insecure person.
What makes you insecure is when you can’t shake off that chronic feeling of not being good enough.
When a man is insecure in marriage, it reveals that he is carrying emotional baggage from the past and it affects your happiness in marriage.
Do you feel like your husband’s possessiveness is beyond normal for husbands?
Are you beginning to feel your husband gets too jealous even in situations that don’t warrant jealousy?
You feel like he may be insecure, but you need to be sure about it.
Well, I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of the signs of an insecure husband.
Come along, let’s go through it together.
10 Obvious Signs Of An Insecure Husband
1. He is overly jealous
Well, this is a preeminent sign of insecurity in any gender.
I always say that a little bit of jealousy is good for any relationship.
This is a sign that both partners have not gotten so comfortable and indifferent to each other.
However, extreme jealousy is another dangerous extreme that should be avoided.
If he can’t let you out of his sight for just a few hours without bombarding you with calls and texts to know what you are doing and who you are with, you may just be married to an insecure man.
This is especially true if he combines this extreme possessiveness with shocking and unfounded accusations of cheating on him.
When he begins to exhibit these signs, it is most likely due to a deep-seated sense of insecurity and fear of abandonment.
He is scared that you will leave him for “better men”…
2. He needs constant validation from you
Everyone loves a compliment now and then.
It doesn’t have to be a daily occurrence; even if it is, it shouldn’t be your source of self-worth.
However, your husband is different.
Compliments are the source of his entire sense of self-esteem.
This is why he needs to be constantly validated by you.
He constantly seeks compliments and praise about his appearance, talent, career achievements, and even his duty as a good husband.
So, he wears a new suit and doesn’t wait for you to compliment him; he usually asks you stylishly…
“Sweet, don’t you think my suit suits me?”….
Or
“Don’t you think I am the best husband in the world? I just mowed the lawn!”…
It wouldn’t be a problem if he doesn’t have a terrible day any day he doesn’t get a compliment from you.
Don’t get me wrong, it is normal to enjoy being appreciated.
Everyone loves it, no matter how much they pretend not to.
The problem is your husband displays such a desperate need for validation that it becomes obvious that he is not confident in himself.
3. He’s too critical of himself
I remember growing up among some really mean kids as a kid.
They were terrible to me.
They said mean things to me and called me bad names.
I didn’t know what to do about them.
I had ignored them, fought them… yet they didn’t stop.
What I did next was to accept what they said about me, and before they said it, I would usually say it just to forestall them.
Then, I grew older and realized I had developed this habit of downplaying myself.
I made jokes about my flaws and shortcomings.
Whenever someone complimented or praised me, I would call their attention to my shortcomings.
This continued until I realized I was just being insecure and imagining an insult in every compliment.
I started deliberating, correcting that tendency to downplay myself.
You see, it stems from a deep-seated sense of inferiority complex.
If your husband deeply criticizes himself, even when it is disguised as a joke, it is a sign of insecurity.
He is so focused on his flaws and mistakes that he believes everyone else is.
So, before they can mention them, he does the honors for them by listing out all his imperfections.
He keeps on tearing himself down for not being as handsome or as successful as other men.
When he talks about himself in this light, he is giving expression to that little voice of self-doubt that is always speaking in his head.
4. He requires you to reaffirm your feelings constantly
You remember I mentioned that an insecure husband constantly fishes for compliments and appreciation.
That’s not all he fishes for.
He is also constantly seeking a reaffirmation of your feelings for him.
He always wants to know if he is still King of your heart.
Surprising, right?
A king that doesn’t know he is one until he touches his crown…
But that’s the simple analogy for it.
He constantly needs reassurance that you will not discover someone more worthy of the throne of your heart and have him thrown in the dungeons.
He needs this reassurance constantly.
Don’t get me wrong, we all need some form of reassurance in our relationships occasionally.
But it doesn’t have to be a daily confession exercise.
His constant neediness and self-doubt put a strain on the relationship.
5. He compares himself to other men
I know there is this trend among young people to declare that they are only focused on themselves and no one else.
However, this is not true.
In our world, it is nearly impossible to live without noticing other people and what they are doing.
Noticing a person or using a person’s life as a form of motivation for yourself is not a bad idea.
The bad idea is comparing yourself to others.
This is a sign of insecurity.
If your husband regularly compares himself with other men, it may be a sign of insecurity.
This is especially true if he consistently speaks of how much more handsome, muscular, masculine, successful, and intelligent these other men seem compared to him.
This habit of measuring himself against others is a sign that he has a terrible sense of self-esteem.
He is not in competition with other men, but he doesn’t seem to be able to realize this simple fact.
He is insecure with you because he feels you are surrounded by men who are “better” than him and thinks you may soon realize that they are better than him.
6. He is threatened by your success
It is sad, but when the person who is supposed to be your greatest cheerleader becomes envious of your success, you may feel alone.
Your husband is supposed to be that one person who celebrates every one of your wins like they are his own, and he used to when your wins were just little wins.
Now, you are taking great strides and making an earth-shattering impact, and your husband just can’t deal with the fact that you seem so self-sufficient.
You are so successful that you are independent, and your circle of friends seems to be composed of men who intimidate your husband by just breathing.
He feels like you no longer need him in your life, which stirs up his fears of abandonment.
To show this well, he could sometimes say, “You work too much. I also work too, and I am not so busy”.
He may even try to belittle your work just to make himself feel better.
Insecure husbands compete with their wives because they feel their self-worth is tied to their role as family providers.
When he loses this role, his self-esteem takes a great hit.
7. He wants to be the center of your attention
In a relationship, both partners are required to be attentive to each other.
It’s like the holy creed of marriage; you are meant to prioritize each other.
This includes spending quality time with each other and being a support system for each other.
However, an insecure husband doesn’t just want attention; he wants to be the center of your world.
Just like the earth revolves around the sun, he wants your life to revolve around him.
He gets sulky and resentful if anything–work, hobbies, family, friends, or other commitments– takes your attention for even just a little moment.
The height of it is that some men even compete with their kids for their wives’ attention.
His intense need to always be the focal point is a major sign of an insecure husband.
8. He struggles to accept criticism
Everyone does something wrong occasionally, regardless of how skilled you are.
We are not perfect and, hence, should always be open to constructive criticism.
Even in marriage.
However, an insecure husband may get irrationally upset and defensive when he is criticized constructively by his spouse.
This is because he considers any form of criticism to be a personal attack on his personality.
He is intensely resistant to helpful advice and would rather remain stagnant if that means he wouldn’t have to face criticism.
He doesn’t believe he needs to improve on anything in the relationship, and whenever you point out areas that require improvement, he gets…
9. He is defensive and guarded
An insecure husband usually gets defensive even when it is not needed.
He treats any difference in opinions as an attack on his person and gets defensive instead of humbly receiving corrections.
He also hides his real self behind a façade.
You just get this feeling that your husband is not forthcoming with you.
He knows what his true self looks like and believes no one can love him after looking that deeply into his soul.
So, he is guarded and defensive around you.
10. He is controlled by his emotions
Every one of us has, at one point or another, given in to our emotions irrationally.
However, that doesn’t make us insecure.
An insecure husband is perpetually under the control of his emotions.
Feelings like anger, sadness, hurt, and fear usually overpower his ability to think logically, and he ends up behaving irrationally.
If you are wondering why your husband has made some of the most irrational accusations against you, this is the reason.
He lacks healthy strategies for dealing with such emotions and difficult situations.
He is usually volatile and reacts before he thinks.
Yeah, you asked for it, and I have delivered the signs of an insecure husband.
However, how do you deal with an insecure husband, seeing that his insecurities negatively impact the relationship?
The first thing you need to know is that supporting him doesn’t mean you should tolerate his toxic behaviors.
Set firm and loving boundaries.
Define what behavior is acceptable and what behavior seems to be crossing the line into unpleasant and toxic territory.
Gently confront these toxic behaviors and unapologetically explain why you won’t accept them anymore.
Tell him you are ready to support him if he seeks help for his issues; however, if he isn’t ready to change, you can’t deal.
Toxic behaviors should be a deal breaker in any relationship.
Sincerely compliment him to boost his confidence but refuse to validate or compliment him irrationally.
You can encourage him to be vulnerable with you.
He needs to let you see that insecure young boy he covers with that façade of being a strong masculine man.
It is also important that he visits a therapist or counselor for professional help.
Ultimately, insecurity can greatly strain a marriage, but with patience, love, and firmness, you can support your husband as he tries to improve.
Regardless of how well you try, though, the greatest responsibility for overcoming his self-doubt lies with your husband.
He must be determined to work on himself for your efforts to succeed.
I hope you see that change you desire in your marriage.