“My husband ruins every vacation! What do I do?”
When you think about vacations, what comes to mind?
If you’re like most people, you probably imagine warm weather, sandy beaches, and long days of relaxation.
Yeah, vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing.
They’re an opportunity for couples to spend quality time together and clear their heads from the stresses of everyday life.
But what happens when your husband ruins every vacation?
This is a real problem for some couples and can ruin a marriage.
It is frustrating to go on a vacation to relax and have a good time, only for it to be ruined by your partner.
What’s even worse is if he does this often and repeatedly.
Vacations are meant to be times of relaxation and fun, not times of arguments and going back and forth with your partner.
If your husband ruins every vacation, it is only normal for you to be sick and tired of it and want it to end.
You deserve a peaceful, restful, happy vacation void of drama and chaos.
Thus, if your husband is being dramatic or putting up certain unpleasant attitudes and behaviors during your vacation, it’s not abnormal to feel bad.
That is why we are looking into this topic today and considering all the possible reasons for his behavior:
My Husband Ruins Every Vacation: Possible Reasons
1. He is a workaholic
Your husband might be ruining every vacation because he’s obsessed with work and doesn’t take time to rest.
Men who only have time for work may not appreciate it when time is taken for them to go on a vacation.
They may count it a waste of precious time, and because they do not appreciate it, they will ruin it for you by working while on vacation or doing other things that upset you.
2. You do not carry him along
A vacation is not about you alone.
It’s about both of you.
If you make it all about yourself and do not involve him in the planning process, he may end up not enjoying it and inadvertently ruin it for you.
While some men are not interested in planning things like vacations, your own man may want to have a say in the decisions.
3. He’s a narcissist
Your husband ruining all your vacations may be because he’s narcissistic.
A narcissistic man can ruin your vacation whether he’s on vacation with you or not.
Narcissistic men are characterized by their manipulative and exploitative behavior and think the world revolves around them.
They do not care about anyone else but themselves.
If your husband is narcissistic, he has no interest in what you want.
He’s only interested in himself, so he expects everyone else to bend over backward to make his life easier — and he’ll get angry if they don’t.
So he lashes out when anything goes wrong on vacation— even minor inconveniences like rain or traffic jams or things don’t go his way.
Because he feels less important than he believes himself to be.
You end up feeling like you’re on vacation with an alien who has no understanding or sympathy for feelings other than his own (which makes it very hard to enjoy yourself).
4. He doesn’t like the locations
One of the biggest problems couples run into on vacations is that they don’t agree on where they want to go.
Some people love tropical destinations, while others want to stay at home and visit family.
If you both want different things or if the vacation location is not one that your husband likes, he may not cooperate with you.
You may find that he’s unusually grouchy and irritated about everything during the vacation.
This may be because you picked a location you like and not one he likes.
5. He dislikes being away from home
Your husband may have a deep-seated fear of being away from home for too long.
Perhaps he has had bad experiences in the past with family vacations where he felt like he had no control over his schedule or surroundings.
Maybe he was bullied by other children while on vacation as a child, or maybe he never had enough money when growing up and therefore has always felt insecure about finances.
Whatever the reason, his tendency toward anxiety could easily ruin any trip outside your home country (or even city).
So, some people are not like the rest of us.
They simply do not like vacations.
Maybe your husband is one of those few people.
If you have done everything right and he still doesn’t appreciate or enjoy your vacations, maybe they’re just not for him.
6. He has other issues
Usually, when men go through life issues like career or financial issues or even midlife crises, it spills into other areas of their lives.
Thus, if your husband ruins your vacations, maybe it is not because he just wants to annoy you but because he’s dealing with other stuff that you’re not aware of yet.
It is difficult for a man to focus and enjoy things around him when other areas of his life that he considers essential are not in order.
7. He’s dealing with mental health challenges
Your husband might be dealing with mental health challenges, so he’s not being a jerk on purpose on vacation.
Your husband might have issues that make him act differently than he wants to, and those issues are beyond his control.
You may have heard the term “personality disorder” or “mental illness.”
Personality disorders are serious mental illnesses that affect how people think about themselves and interact with others.
They can be tough to live with because they cause problems in relationships, work life, and daily functioning.
The good news is that they are treatable when you get help from qualified professionals like therapists or psychiatrists.
There are many different types of personality disorders, but they all share some common features.
People with personality disorders tend to be inflexible and rigid in their thinking patterns, so they may have trouble adapting to change or making decisions (e.g., when traveling).
Also, people on the spectrum or people dealing with ADHD tend to behave in unexpected ways even when they’re not triggered by anything.
My Husband Ruins Every Vacation: Coping Tips
1# Talk about it
Communication is the key to a lot of things.
Have you tried asking your husband why he ruins your vacations?
Okay, maybe you shouldn’t ask him in those exact words.
But you could find a convenient time to ask your husband why he doesn’t seem to enjoy your vacations.
Making him understand that when he doesn’t enjoy the vacations, you and the kids don’t either may help him act better.
2# Involve him in the planning process
Do not singlehandedly plan the vacation on your own.
Involve him as much as possible in the planning process.
Ensure he’s in from the onset by asking questions and seeking his opinion.
Show him your itinerary and ask for his input on where to stay, what to see, and how much time you should spend at each destination.
If he has any suggestions, listen carefully and consider them carefully before deciding against them.
Prioritize some of his ideas over yours and implement them.
This will make him feel like an equal partner on the trip, which is important for maintaining good relationships.
#3 Make sure he’s comfortable with everything
If he’s not comfortable with anything on your itinerary, let him know that there’s no pressure for him to participate in any activities or events that he doesn’t want to do.
Especially if those things are important to you or if they are things he would have wanted to do once upon a time but now doesn’t care about anymore because they’re irrelevant in his life (like going on rides at Disney World).
If there’s something that he’d like to do instead of what you’ve planned, suggest swapping out one thing or letting him do his thing.
4# Set clear expectations for each other
If one spouse wants to stay up late at night drinking cocktails while another wants to sleep in every morning, there needs to be a compromise, or else someone will be disappointed.
So, don’t expect too much from each other (i.e., don’t expect your husband to be happy all day long, every day).
Be realistic about how much time you both can spend together.
Being on vacation doesn’t mean you can’t do your own things or enjoy some individual space.
5#Seek professional help
If your case is a severe one where he’s drinking, smoking, yelling at you and the kids, and irritating everyone, the issue may be more deep-seated, and you need to seek help.
You could start by talking to someone he listens to and respects, or you could seek professional help.
6# Accept it as your reality
As painful as it sounds, some things may never change.
It is possible to put in all the effort, and your husband still doesn’t act right during your vacations.
If he acts right in other areas and is only an issue during vacations, you may have to accept that he may always be like this and just live with it.
It’s all too easy to see a vacation as a time to relax and recharge.
But if you’re traveling with your husband, every trip can be an opportunity to rehash old arguments, experience new frustrations, and fight about things you never thought you’d fight about.
If you’re feeling like every vacation is doomed, these tips will help you make the most of your time away together.