You don’t marry someone you resent, so why would a wife start resenting her husband?
This question begs for an answer because when two people decide to do forever together and walk down the aisle, they hold on to different promises for each other.
As numerous as those promises are, they do not include bitterness, anger, and resentment.
But sometimes, we see these playing out in a marriage: wives resenting their husbands and vice versa.
Resentment is a very strong negative feeling that shouldn’t exist even amongst mere acquaintances, let alone people who are married.
So, if it is seen, something must have caused it.
Let us look into some things that can cause wives’ resentment toward their husbands.
12 Reasons Wives Resent Their Husbands
This is a leading cause of bitterness in marriages.
One of the reasons people get married is because they want companionship and support.
If a woman gets married and along the line, starts suffering from neglect from her husband, I’m sure you know she won’t be the happiest of wives.
Husbands who abandon their wives in any way, either by failing to care for them, listening to them, or showing them affection, are sitting on a time bomb.
This is because when a woman feels forsaken, especially by the one who should care for her the most, feelings of gloom may begin to build up in her, and there’s no limit to how far it can go.
She doesn’t feel seen and understood by her husband because he’s always busy with something else.
Perhaps what is taking his attention is something as serious as work and other very valid commitments or things as trivial as his phones, video games, and social media.
Whatever it is, creating time and opportunities to prioritize his wife should always be number one.
If a man fails to recognize that his wife comes first and keeps ignoring or invalidating her feelings, it can lead to her resenting him.
2. Unresolved issues
I will always advocate for couples discussing their issues and resolving them as soon as possible.
I understand that some people may not want to address issues in the heat of the moment; they need some time to clear their heads before talking.
I do that, too, but as soon as I have a calmer mental disposition, I sit down to discuss the issue.
Trying to escape issues and avoiding them because they’re uncomfortable to talk about is never the way out.
Yes, there are times that marriage may require some level of endurance and letting things go, but that shouldn’t be the order of the day.
If a wife feels offended, she shouldn’t have to keep it in continually or sweep it under the carpet.
If something is wrong, talk about it.
When unresolved issues persist and keep growing in marriage, they lead to feelings of resentment.
Infidelity will never be okay.
No matter how long it has gone on and how both parties in the marriage may seem not to care, it is a cancer that eats people’s marriages up.
A cheating husband breaks his wife’s heart and trust, making her feel a plethora of negative emotions.
He may have done it only once, but she internalized it and hated him for it.
To tackle such depth of feelings, counseling, patience, and time must be engaged to regain her trust.
How about cases of continual infidelity? These are even worse.
Episode after episode, the man scars his wife, gradually creating a villain in her.
On the flip side, if the wife is cheating, she may resent her husband because she’s now involved with someone else she considers better.
4. Fighting dirty
Remembering that your partner is someone you love and you’re on the same team, even when you both fight, is crucial.
This helps reduce the impact of disagreements in relationships and marriages.
Unfortunately, not everyone understands this, and sometimes couples fight like enemies.
The fight is not the issue because they’re bound to happen.
The issue lies in the “how”.
Couples who resort to calling each other names and demeaning each other during a fight are creating a hub of bitterness.
When couples fight dirty, they strangle the love that binds them.
Thus creating a hostile environment for it.
5. They feel cheated
Wives resent their husbands when they feel they do most of the work.
There’s no cookie-cutter formula for marriages and family roles because people are meant to find what works for them and work with it.
However, whatever the roles are divided between couples, they should be balanced and fair.
If this isn’t done, unpleasant feelings can arise.
For instance, if a wife has to handle every house chore alone, with no help from her husband, she may get exhausted, which can give rise to unpleasant feelings.
Particularly if she feels unappreciated and like her work is not recognized.
6. Bad decision making
I’ve made a few bad decisions in my life and gotten away with them or tried to manage the consequences but that’s because they only affected me.
When you’re married and keep making poor decisions that affect your spouse, you may be calling for trouble.
In many marriages, the husbands lead the home and handle complex issues and decisions.
They’re not expected to be perfect because they’re human.
So, making one or two mistakes is understandable, but consistently making mistakes?
Now, that’s unacceptable.
Especially if the decisions are in crucial areas such as health, money, education, etc.
If a woman feels her life is being mismanaged because of her husband’s poor decisions, she may unknowingly begin to nurse negative feelings towards him.
Abuse is another leading cause of resentment in marriages.
You can not expect a woman who is being abused by her husband to have butterflies in her belly every time she sees her abuser.
If she does, something is very wrong, and she just might have Stockholm Syndrome.
When a person is abused emotionally or physically, their self-esteem is tampered with, and they start dealing with a lot of mental issues.
Any woman going through that most likely will resent her husband.
9. Unhealthy sex life
Sex is such a major deal in marriage, and it’s a beautiful tool of intimacy and bonding, but when it is not handled well, the same amazing thing can become a thing of sadness.
Sexual issues can show up in many different forms and variants.
Whether it is an unbalanced libido, sexual dissatisfaction, bad sex, or too much sex, it can create issues between couples.
A wife who is unhappy about the sex situation of her marriage may begin to show displeasure, leading to acrimony.
9. Control issues
A husband with control issues will try to lord it over his wife and make her his subject.
This is an unhealthy marriage dynamic and can lead to negative feelings.
His toxic trait can be expressed in different ways; perhaps he constantly disregards her opinions, talks down on her, makes decisions without letting her in, or questions her parenting.
This kind of behavior can severely affect a wife and make her bitter.
Ironically, sometimes, the resentful wife may be the one with the control issues.
This doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.
A wife may want to boss her husband around, and if he doesn’t let her, or if he used to let them before but stopped letting her, she may become bitter and angry.
This behavior is a revelation of the woman’s toxic trait and inner issue.
Dear husbands, comparing your wife with other women is always a bad idea, especially negatively comparing her.
Underline the word “always”.
There are wise ways to suggest ideas and information to your wife without comparing her with another woman.
Husbands who constantly compare their wives with other women do not get the best out of them.
This is because when you compare her, you indirectly demote her, making her feel less, and then she starts resenting you.
The resentment is in response to your unpleasant communication with her.
11. Toxic habits
When husbands develop toxic habits that their wives disagree with, it can make them tired of the marriage.
These habits can come in different forms and styles, and if the wife communicates her displeasure and the husband keeps repeating it, it becomes an issue.
Some habits are tolerable and easy to live with, while others are not.
When wives try to make their husbands stop, they become helpless and begin to feel bitter.
12. Constant criticism
A husband who is impossible to please can create a resentful wife.
Men who constantly criticize their wives and pull down everything they do are the worst.
They’re never appreciative or grateful for their wives’ efforts; instead, they find something wrong with what she has done.
This kind of behavior can get anyone tired and can even lead to resentment.
Wives do not start in marriage resenting their husbands because that would be abnormal.
Why marry someone you hate?
What happens is that along the line, on the journey of marriage, the husbands do stuff that creates those unpleasant feelings.
Because life is vast and humans are different, every marriage experiencing this will require careful communication and observation to determine the main reason for such negative feelings.
The reasons listed above are, however, the most common culprits.