Today is one for the boys.
After writing “Signs of a Bad Husband,” which remains one of our top posts to date, I think it’s only fair to talk about the good ones too.
And what a good husband looks like in practice.
One of the things that makes a good husband good is that he stays ahead of his wife’s needs.
So here are seven things a good husband will never let his wife ask him.
And if you’re a man reading this, take notes. This one is for you.
7 Things A Good Husband Will Never Let You Ask Him
1. For Affection
I wrote a post on things that happen when a woman is starved of affection, and it’s been a reader’s delight.
And that shows how many women are in marriages right now, dry as the Sahara, wondering why their husband treats them like a piece of furniture he’s stopped noticing.
Affection is not a luxury or a reward for good behavior.
It’s definitely not something a woman should have to earn or beg for.
It is a basic human need, and in a marriage, it is a basic marital responsibility.
A good husband knows this without being told because come on now, it costs nothing! Like zero dollars to show your wife affection, yet some men don’t do it.
Or tell me how much it costs to kiss your wife without it leading to sex, hold her hands while taking a walk, hug her from the back while she’s in the kitchen, rub her shoulders, look at her like you can’t believe she’s your wife.
I’m waiting. How much again?
Exactly. These things cost nothing and only take seconds, yet they are the difference between a woman who feels loved and a woman who is starving inside a marriage that looks perfectly fine from the outside.
A good husband will never make you wonder if he still desires you, because a woman who has to ask her husband for affection is not just asking for a hug.
She’s asking whether she still matters, and no good husband should ever leave his wife asking that question.
2. To Be a Present Father
There is absolutely no excuse for being an absent father.
It took two to make that baby, yet in too many homes, one person ends up doing the work of four while the other one exists in the house like a guest who occasionally glances up from his phone to acknowledge that children live there.
No.
A good husband does not need to be reminded, scheduled, nagged, or guilt-tripped into being a father.
He does not need a medal for babysitting his own kids while you take a shower, or treat involvement in his children’s lives as a favor he is doing for you. Because it was never your job alone.
A man who is an absent father is also failing as a husband because when he disappears from the work of raising the children he helped create, that weight lands somewhere.
And it lands on his wife; on her body, her sleep, her mental health, her career, her sense of self.
A good husband is curious about his children’s world.
He knows their friends’ names, their teachers’ names, their fears, their favorite things.
He is not a visitor in his own home who gets updated on the children’s lives secondhand.
He is their father, present and intentional.
3. For Money to Take Care of Herself
I’m a fiercely independent woman, and I take good care of myself.
Skincare, monthly facials, mani-pedi, foods that satisfy my soul, my tailor-made outfits.
All of it, within my budget, funded by my own hard work, by the grace of my loving God.
And I don’t say that to brag, but to tell you I know what it feels like to look good and feel good.
My husband contributing to that would be a bonus, not a lifeline. I’m fine either way.
But I am not every woman.
And this point is not for me, but for the woman who agreed with her husband that she would stay home, raise the children, run the house, and pour herself into the family while he went out and brought the money in.
That was a sacrifice she made on the understanding that he would take care of her.
So if your wife is that woman and she has to look at you with her hand out and ask for money to take care of herself, you have failed her.
A woman who gave up her financial independence to build your home deserves to be provided for without the humiliation of asking.
And a good husband makes sure she never has to ask.
4. To Be Spoken to With Respect
“Women want love, men want respect.”
If I hear that statement one more time, arrrghhhhh…😡
It’s not entirely wrong, but the way it’s used as if wanting to be loved means she doesn’t also deserve to be respected is what I have problems with.
Where exactly did we get the idea that love and respect are a trade?
I want both. I deserve both, and so does every woman reading this.
A good husband loves and respects his wife.
He does not speak to his wife like she’s beneath him.
He does not save his worst manners for the woman who sleeps next to him every night.
A man who speaks to his wife without respect and then asks to be respected in return is asking for something he has not created the conditions for.
You set the temperature in your home with how you speak.
A good husband knows this and chooses his words carefully, so his wife never has to beg to be spoken to kindly.
5. Whether He Still Finds Her Attractive
Many of us women, especially moms, deal with body image issues.
The stretched skin, softer stomach, hips that shifted and never fully shifted back, and the weight that arrived with the babies and decided to stay.
And on top of all of that, imagine also having to wonder whether your husband still finds you attractive.
A good husband understands that his wife’s confidence in how she is seen by him is not vanity.
So, he doesn’t wait for her to ask whether he finds her attractive.
He tells her, not once or only on special occasions, but regularly and on ordinary days when she doesn’t feel beautiful.
6. To Choose Her Over His Family
If your wife is not problematic and she is not the reason there is conflict between you and your family, you should never make her ask to be chosen.
The Bible says it plainly. Leave and cleave, not leave and keep one foot in your mother’s parlor while your wife stands in the cold, wondering where she ranks in your life.
There are women who have been disrespected by in-laws and looked to their husbands for backup and found nothing there.
A good husband does not put his wife in that position.
He is respectful of his family, but he also makes it unmistakably clear through his actions and his words that his wife is not in competition with anyone.
7. To Keep His Promises
Aside from the promises we make on our wedding day, you know, to love, to cherish, to honor, for better or for worse, till death do us part, there are small ones made in passing conversations and in the middle of ordinary life.
I’ll be there by six.
I won’t forget, I promise.
We’ll talk about it this weekend.
I’ll handle it.
Those promises.
A marriage is not built only on grand gesture moments, but also on the accumulation of small kept promises.
Your wife should know that when you say you will do something, it will be done.
It’s so exhausting being married to a man who promises and forgets.
A good husband understands that his promises are not suggestions. They are his word, so he keeps them.
A woman who has to remind her husband to keep his promises has a husband she cannot fully trust.
And a marriage without trust is just two people sharing an address.
If you are a husband who doesn’t let your wife ask you these seven things, she may not say it every day, but she knows.
And she is grateful. Keep going.