Except for those who go into marriage with selfish intentions, no one gets married with the thought of divorcing.
For an average couple, they were each other’s significant other and vowed a lifetime commitment to each other.
However, months or years down the line, some realities and experiences different from the pre-marriage period may set in.
Realities they were unable to cope with and gave way to divorce.
They both go their separate ways and move on with life differently.
However, divorce is not an easy and smooth journey.
For separating couples, it is just a necessary ordeal in the hope of having their individual happiness restored.
Neither is moving on as hassle-free as it sounds.
It goes without saying that the partners must have invested a lot emotionally in each other.
Therefore, even though the divorce had to happen, they could find themselves missing each other after the divorce.
A man could find himself missing his ex-wife, even if it were he who initiated the divorce.
It does not necessarily mean that he would want to come back if asked to; it’s just that the yearning for some part of his ex-wife is one of the bottlenecks of life after divorce that he has to cope with.
I must point out that some partners were nightmares to their spouses, so they can never be missed.
For instance, a man still dealing with the PTSDs of life with his ex-wife would not even want to see her in his dream, let alone miss her.
She is a part of his past that he never desires to remember.
Do Ex-Husbands Miss Their Ex-Wives?
A divorced man could experience this if he:
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He misses being married.
Going back to single life could be different from what he anticipated, or even if it is as expected, nothing fully prepares one for the experience.
Even though, while he was married, he probably felt restrained and desired to break free, now that he is back to the single life, he could be missing all the perks that came with marriage.
He, therefore, finds himself thinking about the person he shared his married life with and all that he enjoyed by being married to her.
Therefore, he needs to ask himself which he misses, the ex-wife or the married life.
Would he stop missing his ex-wife if there was someone else to fill the void?
I mean to say that is it about sex or sex with her?
Is it about gists or gists with her?
Is it about food or her food?
Is it about companionship or companionship with her?
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He is forgetting her flaws.
Time has a way of attempting to obliterate some negative experiences from our memories.
Therefore, it is not surprising to find a man missing his ex-wife because the distance and time have pushed her flaws to the back of his memory such that he now views her in a different light.
He misses the sweet part of her.
As long as there are unresolved feelings and issues or a change on the part of the ex-wife, it’s crucial to stay guarded and not cave into emotions.
If he does, it’s only a matter of time before all the negative feelings come rushing back.
And this could retrogress his healing and moving on.
It’s like taking a step forward and then three steps backwards.
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He didn’t get an appropriate closure.
One of the reasons a man may miss his ex-wife is his uncertainty about why the marriage had to end.
This is probable if the man didn’t initiate the divorce.
He knows the issues bedevilling the marriage, but he is not sure which was her deal breaker.
He has questions yet to be answered, which has consequently not given him a sense of finality.
This is why couples should explore every means available, to resolve conflicts and communicate extensively before pulling the divorce trigger.
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He now considers himself a better fit
He is currently a better person than he was while married.
He has undergone some changes over time, and he has learned from his past mistakes.
Now, he wishes he could get a chance to practise his new lessons about marriage.
As Winston Churchill said, all men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from them.
He misses his ex-wife because he wishfully hopes for a chance to treat her better than he did.
In this case, I do not think it is a bad idea to reach out and ask for another chance to prove himself, provided his ex-wife has not moved on with another person.
She probably would have undergone some change too.
Some divorced couples remarried and rebranded their marriage.
Therefore, it is not an unachievable decision.
Conversely, that he is now a better person does not mean he will still be a good fit for her.
He could be the perfect person for another amazing woman out there who will enjoy his new person, and they will make a great couple.
However, the key factor -change- will determine the success of the new marriage.
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They still get to see each other.
One of the reasons people relocate to a new environment after a divorce is to ease the necessary healing process post-divorce.
If a man still lives in the same vicinity as his ex-wife and gets to see her occasionally, he could start to miss her.
He runs into her at the mall and sees how gorgeous and successful she seems to be without him.
A part of him is likely to get curious and wish to have access back to her to be a part of her new life.
He begins to second-guess his decision and wonders if he made the right decision.
I guess this is why they say out of sight is out of mind.
If we are to go by this saying, if you want to forget about someone, make sure to lose sight of them.
This may, however, not work for divorced people who are co-parenting.
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He is less busy.
Getting busy is one of the ways people get over loss or grief, in this case, the loss of one’s marriage.
If a man is not engaged enough not to give too much room for reflections on the past, thoughts about his ex-wife may begin to filter in.
He has ample time to reminisce about the good times they shared.
Therefore, if he wishes to overcome this feeling, he has to engage in new activities that will expose him to meeting new people and making new connections.
Get new hobbies, new business, etc.
Just do new things with the time you have on your hands so that you can have a fresh start.
LAST WORDS
Divorce is not a tragedy.
Staying in an unhappy marriage, however, is.
It could be a blessing, an escape from a looming tragedy.
What one does with one’s life after getting a divorce will determine whether one’s life will take a new and good turn or not.
Endeavour to channel your nostalgic feelings appropriately.
The episodes of missing one’s ex-wife may reduce but never stop, as long as one shared good times together in the past.
If you miss your ex-wife but, in reality, you do not want to be back with her again, it’s best to seek knowledge.
Read books, read blog posts such as this, enrol for a counselling session, and join a community of people with the same experiences – on how to forge ahead after a divorce.
Most importantly, do not stop striving to be a better person.
You can never go wrong with self-development and growth.