I know you might be thinking,
”Does it matter who loves who more in a relationship?”
”Who cares if I love him more than I love myself?”
Oh well…. Darling.
You should care.
And you’ll see why in this article.
See, falling in love is one of life’s most incredible feelings.
Been there. Still there.
You want to make your guy happy, support him through thick and thin, and be his rock no matter what.
And that’s totally awesome!
You should.
But sometimes, especially for sweet, good girls like us, things can get out of balance, and we give way more than we should.
And that “way too much” is when…
You might not even realize it’s happening because love has a sneaky way of creeping into our lives and taking over.
Let’s discuss the signs that you may be loving him more than yourself and give you some tips on how to find that perfect balance in your relationship or marriage.
11 Signs You Love Him More Than You Love Yourself
1. You Always Put His Needs Before Yours
Let’s talk about this first because it’s easy to fall into without realizing it.
When you’re in love, it’s natural to want to be there for your man.
You want to make him happy, support him, and be there whenever he needs you.
Fine.
But if you’re always putting his needs ahead of your own, you’re teaching yourself that your needs don’t matter.
Let me ask you:
How often do you cancel your plans or push aside your priorities just because he wants or needs something?
For example, you planned a relaxing evening with your favorite show and a cozy blanket.
BTW, this is one of my favorite self-care activities.
It’s so sacred that I don’t even want to watch my favorite show with my husband.
It’s a me-thing. hahaha
Okay, so you already planned your evening featuring only you, but then he calls and says he’s bored.
Instead of sticking to your plan, you jump up, get dressed, and head out to entertain him, even though you were looking forward to unwinding.
If it’s not a life-threatening emergency, why do you always put his needs before yours?
You may think that it’s just being a good partner, but the truth is, you’re teaching yourself that your needs don’t matter.
Just like how on an airplane, they instruct us to put on our oxygen masks first before helping others because if you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of others.
Loving someone means being there for them, but it doesn’t mean forgetting about yourself.
It’s okay to say, “I’ve had a long day and need to rest tonight.”
When you prioritize your needs, you’re not being selfish.
You’re only ensuring you have the energy and happiness to keep giving love without burning out.
2. You Apologize, Even When It’s Not Your Fault
You already know that fights are normal in every relationship.
Come on now, we’re different people with different perspectives, upbringings, likes, and dislikes, so disagreements are bound to happen.
And I dare say that sometimes, you’ll apologize even when you are right.
Why?
Because you value the relationship more than being right.
But if you constantly apologize, even when it’s not your fault, it means you prioritize your man’s feelings over your own.
Maybe you always say, “I’m sorry,” just to end an argument, even though you knew you weren’t at fault.
Or he snapped at you for something small, and instead of calling him out for overreacting, you found yourself saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” just to avoid further conflict.
Heck, it could even be for something you couldn’t control.
Maybe he’s upset about work, and you apologize as if it’s your responsibility to fix his bad mood.
Apologies should come when you’ve made a mistake, not as a tool to avoid confrontation.
The next time you find yourself about to apologize just to smooth things over, pause and ask yourself:
“Did I actually do something wrong here?”
If the answer is no, don’t say sorry.
Instead, calmly explain your side and stand your ground.
Period!
3. You Avoid Expressing Your True Feelings
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you can’t communicate your thoughts and emotions?
Yet, many of us fall into the trap of avoiding conflict by bottling our true feelings.
We think it’s better to keep quiet than start a fight because expressing ourselves will only worsen things.
So if you’re constantly biting your tongue, holding back how you really feel just to avoid upsetting him, you’re doing yourself a disservice.
Loving someone doesn’t mean being a doormat.
And speaking up doesn’t mean you love him less.
It shows you value yourself enough to make your feelings known.
And in a mature relationship, that’s how love grows stronger.
4. You Make Excuses for His Bad Behavior
No one is perfect.
We all have our flaws and make mistakes.
But maturity is taking responsibility for our actions, correcting them, and improving ourselves where necessary.
Trouble is that some people never see the need to change or grow.
And if that ‘people’ is the man you love, you may find yourself making excuses for his behavior.
Whether it’s constantly forgiving him for cheating, justifying his hurtful words and actions, bad temper, or making excuses for his lack of effort in the relationship or even in life, you are not doing yourself any favors, dear.
In fact, you are only enabling his bad behavior and allowing him to continue treating you poorly.
”Oh, he had a tough childhood.”
“He’s just stressed at work.”
“He didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.”
This isn’t love; it’s codependency.
True love is wanting the best for your partner, even if that means holding them accountable for their actions and pushing them to be better.
5. You Give More Than You Get
I’m not saying you should start keeping scores in your relationship like it’s a competition.
Relationships aren’t about tallying who did what.
However, if you’re always giving your time, energy, money, or even emotional support, and you get nothing, you are doing too much.
Are you the one who’s always texting first, planning dates, buying gifts, making sacrifices to fit his schedule….?
You’re constantly there for him when he’s down, but when you need someone to lean on, he’s suddenly too busy.
You’re pouring all of yourself into the relationship, but your cup stays empty.
You go out of your way to surprise him with a thoughtful gift, but when your birthday rolls around, he forgets or throws together something last minute.
Fine, he’s probably. not good with dates.
How about setting a reminder on his phone?
It’s not that hard to make someone feel special.
Giving is part of love, but you shouldn’t be the only one giving.
Love should fill your cup, not leave it empty.
6. You Sacrifice Your Dreams for Him
Expect to compromise when dating or married.
That’s for sure.
But one thing you should never do is give up your dreams to show you love a man.
That’s you loving him more than you love yourself.
A good boyfriend/husband should encourage you to chase your dreams.
Maybe you’ve always dreamed of going back to school, starting a business, pursuing a creative passion…whatever it is.
But when you bring it up, he’s dismissive.
“Do you really need to do that?”
“Won’t that take time away from us?”
”Why don’t you enjoy what you are doing now?”
Instead of feeling supported, you feel guilty, so you drop the idea.
You give up on your dreams to make him happy.
Fast forward a few months, and you realize you’re stuck in the same spot, wondering why you’ve put your life on hold.
Another example?
Maybe you’ve always wanted to travel, but he’s not into the idea.
So, you skip the trips, convincing yourself it’s not that important.
But it eats at you because you’re sacrificing something that’s meaningful to you.
Compromising on what to have for dinner is one thing; compromising on your goals and dreams is another.
A partner who truly loves you will cheer you on, even if it takes you away from them for a bit.
They’ll encourage your growth, not stifle it.
7. You’re Afraid to Set Boundaries
Some people think having boundaries means you’re difficult and dramatic, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Boundaries are not a bad thing.
In fact, they’re one of the ways to show self-respect.
But if you’re scared of setting boundaries because you don’t want to upset him, you probably love him more than you love yourself.
For example, if your partner regularly cancels plans at the last minute and you constantly forgive him without setting a boundary, you’re sending a message that his behavior is okay.
Or maybe he’s constantly joking about something that makes you uncomfortable.
Instead of being honest and firm about how it affects you, you laugh it off, even though it stings, because you don’t want to start an argument.
Boundaries don’t make you “too much.”
They make you someone who values herself, and if he can’t handle that, he’s the problem, not you.
8. You Feel Guilty When You Take Time for Yourself
Being in a relationship or even marriage doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip 24/7.
You’re still your own person, with your interests, hobbies, friends, and alone time.
But your man seems to have a problem with that.
He gets angry or pouts when you want a girls’ night out, or when you want to spend some time alone in your room.
“You’re always doing something without me.”
“I never get to spend enough time with you.”
He might say.
At first, you try to compromise and include him in everything, but it starts to feel suffocating.
You start feeling guilty whenever you do something for yourself because he makes you feel like it’s wrong.
Loving someone doesn’t mean you stop loving yourself.
You’re allowed to have hobbies, friendships, and alone time without feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
In fact, taking care of yourself makes you a better partner because you won’t be running on empty.
9. You Lose Your Identity in the Relationship
It’s normal to take on a few of your partner’s interests or habits in a relationship.
Maybe you start watching his favorite shows or trying out his hobbies, and that’s fine.
It’s part of bonding.
But when you look in the mirror and realize you’ve lost sight of who you are, girl, pause.
When was the last time you did something just because you love it?
Maybe you’ve even stopped hanging out with your friends because you’re always with him.
Or you gave up hobbies that once made you happy because they don’t interest him.
Perhaps you used to be outgoing and adventurous, but now you hold back because he’s more of a homebody, and you don’t want to upset the balance.
You can lose your identity in a relationship without knowing it’s happening.
You might think you’re just being supportive or flexible until you forget what makes you, you.
10. You Feel Drained Instead of Fulfilled
Relationships are work, so yeah, sometimes you might feel drained.
It happens.
But there’s a difference between feeling drained because of the daily struggles and sacrifices you make together and feeling drained because your relationship is one-sided.
Even when you’re together, you feel more stressed than happy.
You’re always trying not to say the wrong thing, constantly doing things to keep him in a good mood.
All because you want to prove your love and ensure he stays with you.
But at what cost?
11. Your Family & Friends Tell You
You may have lost yourself while loving him to the point that you don’t see the red flags anymore.
But your family and friends do.
They care about you and only want what’s best for you, which is why they may bring up their concerns about your relationship with him.
Listen to them.
Take their advice into consideration.
Sometimes, when we’re deeply in love, we can be blinded by our own emotions.
That’s why it’s important to have a support system that can provide an outside perspective and help us see things clearly.
If you are a lovergirl like me, it’s easy to love your man more than you love yourself, to your detriment.
Even the Bible says we should love our neighbor as ourselves, not more than ourselves.
So yeah, I hope you have a man who appreciates your love and loves you just as much in return.