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7 Waning Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

7 Waning Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

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Everyone wants to love and be loved, and that’s why we desire a partner with whom to share our lives.

However, sometimes, we can become so dependent on our partner that it becomes unhealthy, and that is known as co-dependency.

What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency is like always having your phone on low battery and your partner being the only charger in town.

It means you’ve got this emotional and sometimes physical dependence on your partner so much that it’s like you can’t function without them.

It’s like they’re your morning coffee (as a coffee lover, I know how crucial this is), your umbrella in a storm, pretty much your everything.

Yeah, yeah, it sounds kind of romantic, but nahhh, and you’ll see why.

In a co-dependent relationship, one person puts another person’s needs way ahead of their own, often forgetting that they, too, have needs and wants.

I’m not judging.

I know we’ve all been there in some form, thinking we’re just being loving and caring, but there’s a fine line between being supportive and being overly dependent.

In short, co-dependency is a term used to describe an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one person becomes overly reliant on their partner for emotional and physical needs.

Of course, it involves sacrificing one’s own needs and wants in order to please the other person and maintain their love and approval.

7 Warning Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

Now that we have a better understanding of codependency let’s examine some signs that you may be a codependent partner.

1. You constantly seek validation from your partner:

Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partnermarriage

I won’t lie and say that it’s not nice to receive words of affirmation from our partners.

But if you constantly look to your partner to tell you that what you’re doing is okay or need their approval before you can feel good about yourself, you’re giving them the remote control to your self-esteem.

As I said, it’s normal to want to know your partner supports you, but if their thumbs-up is the only thing keeping your confidence balloon from popping, that’s a sign of co-dependency.

What if you were single?

How would you validate yourself?

You’d have to validate and believe in yourself, so why not now?

2. Your happiness depends on your partner’s mood:

Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

If you find yourself constantly adjusting your own mood to match your partner’s, or if their bad day automatically becomes your bad day, too, then you’re in deep.

You’re happy when they’re happy, sad when they’re sad, or angry when they’re angry; you’ve made them the control knob to your emotions.

It’s so easy to get caught up in wanting to make everything perfect for them that you forget your happiness shouldn’t be so tightly bound to theirs.

Yes, we empathize and care deeply for our loved ones, but you are your own person with your own emotions.

It’s noble to sympathize and offer support, but not to the point where your emotional well-being is completely dependent on their state of mind.

You deserve to find happiness from within, not just from the reflections of someone else’s feelings.

Your whole world shouldn’t be shifting depending on your partner’s mood.

In fact, it can lead to manipulation, as your partner may use their emotions to control yours.

3. You ignore your own needs:

Sometimes, in our quest to be the perfect partner, we end up neglecting the most important person in the relationship.


Can you guess?

It’s YOU!

As a co-dependent partner, you constantly put your own needs and wants on the back burner while tending to your partner’s every need.

You may not even realize it because it’s become so natural for you to prioritize their happiness over yours.

You can barely remember what it’s like to do something just for you.

You may even convince yourself that you don’t have any needs or that they’re not important.

Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

In fact, to be truly supportive and loving to someone else, you need to be in a good place mentally and physically yourself.

4. You struggle with setting boundaries:

Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

Boundaries are like the fence around your house; they protect your property.

You know what happens when your house doesn’t have a fence?

It means anybody can peep in, dump trash, and steal stuff.

That’s a pretty good metaphor for what can happen in your relationship if you don’t set healthy boundaries.

Co-dependent people have a hard time building that fence.

They fear setting any boundaries will push their partner away and jeopardize the relationship.

So you take on everything, even if it’s not your responsibility.

You swallow whatever your partner throws your way, and you have a hard time saying no to them.

You may even feel guilty or anxious when you do try to set limits, so you keep taking on more and more.

You don’t speak up when something bothers you because you’re afraid of causing conflict.

And then you end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful.

5. You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions:

Signs You Are a Co-Dependent Partner

As a good partner, you want to support your partner through their emotions, right?

And yes, you should.

We should.

But when is this a problem?

Well, it’s a problem when you start believing that your partner’s emotions are entirely your responsibility.

You feel guilty if they’re feeling down, and you believe it’s up to you to fix it.

You believe that it’s your job to make them happy all the time or that their anger or sadness is because of something you did.

You forget that your partner is their own person with their own emotions.

It’s not solely up to you to make them feel better.

We all have our ups and downs, and we should be able to handle them on our own while having the support of our partners.

But when you take on their emotions as your responsibility, that’s co-dependency.

6. You have lost your identity

Please read this point slowly.

One of the most unsettling effects of being in a co-dependent relationship is the loss of your own identity.

It’s like you’re slowly fading into the background, your interests, passions, and even your thoughts becoming more aligned with your partner’s than your own.

This change doesn’t happen overnight.

It creeps up on you as you spend more time focusing on your partner and less on yourself.

You forget the activities you once enjoyed or the dreams you had for your future.

This isn’t because those aspects of you no longer exist but because they’ve been pushed aside to make room for the needs and desires of your partner.

You’ve become so enmeshed with your partner that it’s hard to tell where you end and they begin.


When you lose your identity, you open the door to feelings of emptiness and lack of purpose.

It’s not selfish to pursue your interests or cherish your dreams alongside supporting your partner.

In fact, a solid relationship thrives on both partners being their individual selves while being a team.

If you don’t fix this now, what happens if your partner breaks up with you?

Who will you be, then?

Don’t let co-dependency take away your unique identity.

7. Fear of Flying Solo

I won’t lie that loneliness is scary.

But there’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

Being alone can be empowering and fulfilling, while loneliness is a painful emotion that stems from the fear of being by yourself.

Co-dependent partners often fear being alone because they’ve made their partner their entire world.

They don’t know how to function without them, and the thought of losing them or being alone brings up intense anxiety and fear.

This fear can be so overwhelming that it keeps you tethered to relationships that don’t serve you or even harm you.

It’s this fear that whispers to you late at night, telling you that being with someone, even if they drain your spirit, is better than being by yourself. 

It’s cute to have a partner, but being alone is also a gift.

It gives you the opportunity to focus on yourself and your own needs and desires without any distractions or obligations to another person. 

Being alone allows you to discover who you truly are outside of any external influences or expectations. 

It also helps you to be self-reliant and independent, the very skills you need to not be codependent in relationships. 


Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is the path to detoxing from co-dependency.

If you are recognizing some of these signs in yourself, don’t worry; there is hope.

Co-dependency is a learned behavior, and just like any habit, it can be unlearned.

It starts with being aware of your patterns and recognizing that you deserve to have boundaries and to prioritize your own needs.

It’s not about completely detaching yourself from your partner but finding a healthy balance in your relationship.

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