I always say that physical intimacy is one of God’s gifts to humanity.
Sex is gooood!
Especially in marriage, a committed relationship where your body belongs to each other (well, ideally).
There’s a reason the Bible commands that sex should be within the confines of marriage, because sex, I mean good sex, is…hmmmm…powerful!
Being dickmatized is when a woman becomes so emotionally or mentally attached to a man because of the sex that she starts making questionable life choices.
Her judgment?
Cloudy.
Her standards?
M.I.A.
Your friends are screaming “Babes, wake up!” but you’re lost in the sauce.
This isn’t love; it’s not compatibility.
It’s not even a solid situationship.
It’s simply being under a man’s sexual spell, thinking with your body instead of your brain.
And before you judge, it happens to smart, successful, emotionally intelligent women too.
No one is above getting temporarily hypnotized by a good stroke game.
But why does this happen?
Why do women who normally have sense lose all of it once they start sleeping with a certain man?
Here’s why:
6 Reasons Women Become Dickmatized
1. The Chemistry Feels Like a Drug
I’m not even going to pretend.
Sex can be that good!
The moment he touches you, it’s like your body forgets your name.
You lose your sense.
You start to crave him.
Not just once in a while, but constantly.
You find yourself replaying the last time, anticipating the next time, fantasizing in the middle of work, or even texting him when he’s treated you like trash the day before.
Hollywood tells us that’s “falling in love”.
But that’s not love.
That’s chemistry.
And chemistry is not always your friend.
When sex is explosive, it releases all kinds of hormones: dopamine (the reward hormone), oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and endorphins (the happy hormone).
So even if he’s inconsistent, disrespectful, unfaithful, unreliable, or emotionally unavailable, your body be like “But he makes me feel good…”
And your mind follows.
Like a puppy on a leash.
It’s like being drunk.
You know when alcohol hits, and everything seems more exciting, everyone seems more attractive, and your judgment just takes a nap?
Yeah.
That’s what being dickmatized does.
It numbs the part of your brain that should be telling you to runnnnnn because there’s fire on the mountain.
And if you’re not careful, you’ll keep going back, not because he deserves you, but because your body is now addicted to the way he makes you feel for 20 minutes… while you suffer for the other 23 hours and 40 minutes of the day.
Not a good experience, sis!
2. You’re Starved
Sometimes, it’s not that the sex is that magical; it’s just that you’ve been touch-starved, compliment-starved, or emotionally neglected for so long that the first man who makes you feel seen or wanted feels like the best thing since sliced bread.
My husband and I have been apart for five months, and even though I have work, projects, and two children that keep me engaged, I miss him.
I miss his touch, the body warmth, the pillow conversations, and everything that comes with having a romantic partner.
So I can understand the loneliness that comes with not having a man to call yours.
I can understand that when you’ve gone months or years without that kind of physical closeness or emotional excitement, your brain starts ringing alarm bells because it thinks it’s finally found what you’ve been lacking.
So this guy says you’re beautiful, and it hits differently.
He touches you, and you melt.
He calls you baby, and suddenly you’re texting your girls, “I think I like him.”
But you probably don’t like him.
You like how he makes you feel in the moment because you’ve been emotionally dehydrated, and he came with a glass of water.
That doesn’t mean he’s the whole well.
The danger of starving is that you’ll start calling crumbs a buffet.
You’ll tolerate nonsense just to keep that tiny bit of affection flowing.
And before you know it, you’re negotiating your worth just to keep getting the thing your soul was desperate for.
So it’s not that this guy is all that and that’s what made you dickmatized.
He didn’t give you anything deep.
He just gave you what you’ve been missing.
And that’s not the same as love.
That’s survival mode.
3. You Mistake Intensity for Intimacy
Whenever my husband and I watch those wild, fiery, passion-filled moments in movies, I usually ask him, “Do people have sex like this in real life?
Where a couple is tearing at each other’s clothes, whispering sweet nothings, and breaking items that stand in the way of their passion…
Yeah, I get that things can get intense sometimes, especially when you’ve missed each other, but breaking things and tearing clothes?
I’ll never understand that.
So it’s easier for a woman to be dickmatized when she mistakes intensity for intimacy.
But intensity is not the same as intimacy.
Intensity is fast, hot, emotional, and usually chaotic.
Intimacy is quiet, steady, deep, and safe.
When you haven’t experienced healthy love, it’s easy to mistake the emotional rollercoaster of intense sex or drama for real connection.
He kisses you like he’s about to go off to war.
You fight, you cry, then the makeup sex is so intense you think it is love, when it’s just adrenaline and lust playing a duet.
So many women grew up seeing toxic love as normal, anything peaceful feels boring, and anything dramatic feels passionate.
4. You Believe the Sex Will Change Him
This one gets a lot of women trapped longer than they should ever stay.
You don’t know where you stand in his life; he disappears and reappears like a badly behaved genie.
But the sex is passionate.
So you convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, if you keep giving him your body, he’ll eventually give you his heart.
Before you know it, you’re using sex as your way to communicate affection, hoping it will translate to commitment.
If sex was going to change him, it would have already, sis.
He’s not emotionally unavailable because he hasn’t felt you enough.
He’s emotionally unavailable because he’s not ready, not willing, or simply not interested in offering more than physical intimacy.
So while you’re hoping the next time will mean something more, he’s probably thinking about how soon he can leave after.
You can’t sex your way into being chosen.
You can’t ride or die your way into being respected.
If a man wants you, he’ll make it clear in his actions, not just in his reactions in bed.
So stop performing loyalty for someone who’s only loyal to the pleasure you bring.
5. You’re Healing From a Broken Heart in the Wrong Bed
Heartbreak can make you vulnerable in ways you don’t even realize.
When someone you loved deeply disappoints you, betrays you, or simply walks away, the loneliness that follows can be quite suffocating.
And if in that quiet pain, someone else comes along who makes you feel wanted again, even if just physically, you might become dickmatized.
At first, it might feel harmless, in fact, even empowering.
You tell yourself you’re just having fun or moving on.
But for real, your heart is still bleeding.
And what looks like casual sex or a new fling might actually be you searching for comfort, healing, closeness, or revenge.
The problem is, when you try to heal in the wrong bed, you only delay the healing process.
Instead of facing your pain, you’re distracting yourself from it.
You’re trying to numb the heartbreak with moans and cuddles.
But when the high wears off, the ache is still there and now it’s layered with more confusion, more attachment, and sometimes even guilt.
You think you’re getting over your ex, but you’re actually binding yourself to someone who isn’t even offering love, just a temporary escape.
Healing takes time.
It takes stillness.
It takes brutal honesty.
You can’t rush it by throwing your body at the next person who makes you feel wanted.
Especially if that person doesn’t care enough to handle your heart gently.
It’s okay to be broken.
But don’t let brokenness make you give yourself to someone who’s only there for the ride, not the restoration.
6. He’s Good and That’s the Problem
Let’s not kid ourselves; some men are gods in bed.
They know every move, every rhythm, every trick.
They study your body like it’s scripture and worship it like an altar.
When they show up in the bedroom, it’s like they came with a mission: to make you forget your name and your senses.
And it works.
But that’s all he’s good at.
Outside the bedroom?
Not much.
He gives the bare minimum in every other area but delivers premium service in bed.
And because your body is satisfied, your heart starts making excuses.
You tell yourself, “Nobody’s perfect,” or “At least we have this.”
But sis, this?
This can’t carry a relationship.
You’re building a house on soft sand, and you know it.
So yeah, women are usually dickmatized when a guy knows how to make you forget your worries on the altar of good sex.
Being dickmatized doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
It means you were craving connection or affection and for a moment, someone gave you a taste of it in the most intense, physical way possible.
But good sex can never fill the void of a good relationship.
It won’t fight for you in conflict.
It won’t build a future, raise your kids, or protect your heart.
Only love can do that.
Like real, mature, and intentional love.
If you find yourself constantly compromising your peace, your standards, your sanity just to stay close to a man who only shows up when the lights go off, ask yourself: Is it really him I want, or just the feeling he gives me?
You are not a warm body to pass time with.
You are a whole woman, deserving of love that sees you, respects you, commits to you, fully clothed and fully valued.
So take your power back.
Reclaim your clarity.
Unhook your heart from situations that only feed your body and starve your soul.
Pleasure is sweet, but peace is sweeter.
I’m rooting for you, sis!