Everybody wants to be happy.
It’s probably one of the most common goals people have.
“I just want to be happy.”
You’ll hear it from teenagers, newlyweds, divorced people, retirees, and everyone in between.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting happiness. The problem is that happiness is a terrible life goal.
And I’ll tell you why.
Because happiness is unstable!
It comes and goes.
One minute you’re happy because your husband surprised you with flowers.
The next minute you’re frustrated because your internet provider has decided to test your Christianity.
So, life happens.
If your entire life is built around chasing happiness, you’ll spend most of your time feeling like you’re failing.
Instead of making happiness your goal, here are a few things that will serve you much better:
Aim for peace
Peace is far more valuable than happiness.
I’ll never forget this quote I used to see hanging on my childhood best friend’s wall:
“Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of God.”
At the time, I thought it sounded nice.
Now that I’m older, married, and have lived through enough life to know that trouble has a permanent forwarding address to all of us, I finally understand what it means.
Many of us think peace is a life without problems.
No arguments, financial pressure, health scares, difficult people, no disappointments or pain whatsoever.
That’s not peace, but fantasy.
Peace is being able to sleep at night, even when there are unanswered questions.
It is trusting that you’ll be okay even when life isn’t going according to plan.
I’ve met people who had everything they thought would make them happy, yet they were restless and anxious.
And I’ve met people who were going through some of the hardest seasons of their lives yet carried a calmness that made you wonder what they knew that everybody else didn’t.
The older I get, the less interested I am in excitement and the more interested I am in peace.
I’ll choose peaceful relationships over dramatic ones, and a peaceful home over an impressive one.
Give me peace of mind over constant validation, please.
Happiness comes and goes, but peace stays when circumstances change, and life doesn’t make sense.
So instead of asking, “Will this make me happy?”
Ask, “Will this bring me peace?”
That question alone can save you from a lot of bad decisions.
A peaceful life may not always be exciting, but it is healthier.
Aim for purpose
Earlier today, I saw a funny status on WhatsApp.
Someone asked, ”But exactly what did we come to this earth to do in the first place?”
I laughed uncontrollably when I saw it.
Because really, it’s one of those questions that sounds funny until you sit down and think about it.
Then suddenly it’s not funny anymore. It’s deep.
Most people spend their lives chasing happiness, but purpose is what gives life meaning.
There will be many days when you don’t feel happy.
Ask any parent, anyone building a business, or someone caring for an aging parent.
Some days are just hard.
There are seasons when you’re praying, waiting, hoping, and wondering if anything is working.
If happiness is your only motivation, you’ll quit.
Because happiness is a feeling, and feelings are unreliable. But purpose is different.
It’s what gets you out of bed when your feelings don’t cooperate.
Have you noticed that people who know why they’re doing something can endure far more than people who don’t?
The struggle doesn’t disappear, and the sacrifice doesn’t become easier, but the meaning behind it makes it bearable.
So, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, “Am I living on purpose?”
The happiest people are not the people enjoying life the most.
They’re the people who know exactly why they’re living it.
Aim for contentment
My favorite book on the planet says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
I have always loved that verse because it challenges the way many of us think about success.
However, some people mistake contentment for complacency.
Nahhh.
They’re not the same thing at all.
Complacency says, “I’m not growing anymore,” while contentment is, “I’m grateful for where I am while I work toward where I’m going.”
Big difference.
So you can be content and still be ambitious.
Contentment doesn’t kill ambition; it protects you from greed.
One of the biggest problems with modern life is that we’re constantly being shown what everybody else has.
Someone is buying a new car, another just bought their dream house, one is vacationing in the Maldives, and your classmate is getting brand deals here and there.
Before you know it, you find yourself screaming, ”God, am I a potato!!!!?” 😩
See, if you’re not careful, you’ll spend your entire life looking sideways instead of looking at your own blessings because comparison has a way of making abundance feel like lack.
You can have a loving husband, healthy children, good friends, food in your kitchen, and a roof over your head, yet feel miserable because you are focused on what someone else has.
There will always be people ahead of you and people behind you.
The race never ends. That’s why contentment is such a gift.
Aim for growth
One reason happiness feels so elusive is that human beings adapt quickly.
The thing you prayed for last year becomes normal this year.
The job you desperately wanted becomes the job you complain about.
Growth keeps life meaningful.
Learn new skills, read books, develop your character, challenge your thinking, and become a better version of yourself.
Stagnation drains the joy out of life, while growth gives you something bigger than temporary happiness.
It gives you progress.
Aim for a life you don’t need to escape from
This might be the most important one.
Many people are not exactly pursuing happiness.
They are pursuing escape from different things: stress, debt, loneliness, a bad marriage…
Instead of constantly seeking temporary happiness, build a life you truly enjoy.
A life with healthy relationships, meaningful work, reasonable boundaries, financial wisdom, and good habits.
When you build a life you don’t need to escape from, happiness will visit you more often.
Happiness is wonderful, so enjoy it when it comes and be grateful for it, but don’t make it your life’s main target.
Aim for the above things.
Ironically, people who stop chasing happiness usually find more of it than those who spend their entire lives chasing it.