Marriage is not always the paradise many people fantasize about.
It has its ups and downs, just like everything in this world.
However, some marriages have to deal with a whole lot more than others because of simple issues like low self-esteem and trust issues.
Marriage to a person with low self-esteem issues could be frustrating sometimes.
Am I saying you shouldn’t marry people with self-esteem issues?
Not at all.
My point is that knowing what you are dealing with in marriage is the key to finding a solution and enjoying your marriage.
In this article, we will focus on those things husbands with low self-esteem always do.
As a little extra, we will also be looking into the various ways you can help him and also enjoy your marriage.
Come along!
Husbands With Low Self-Esteem Always Do These 8 Things
1. They constantly seek validation
From time to time, we all need validation.
Even the most assured individual on earth may sometimes need validation from those who are close to them.
The keyword here is “sometimes”.
Well, husbands with low self-esteem always do it.
Their low self-esteem always makes them doubt themselves, and so they need external reinforcement of their self-worth.
If your husband frequently asks you questions like…
“Do you love me?”
“Am I good enough for you?”…
It could be a sign that he is suffering from self-esteem issues.
If you are a man reading this and are already panicking because you have asked these questions once or twice, you shouldn’t.
Everyone usually has times when they nurse doubts and insecurities about their relationships.
In periods like this, they may need validation and reassurance from their partners.
Husbands with low self-esteem always nurse doubts about their marriage and self-worth.
Doubts naturally come with self-esteem issues.
It goes down to even the littlest details of his life.
You may notice that he checks with you before he does even the smallest tasks.
At first, it may have seemed so sweet, but now it doesn’t.
It is overwhelming because it can put so much pressure on you.
2. They are over-critical of their wives
I used to be very angry at people who criticize others too much.
Don’t get me wrong, I believed that no one was above correction.
However, some criticism no longer feels like correction because they have crossed that thin line into actual verbal bashing.
I later realized that most people who are too critical of others usually battle with self-doubt.
They usually feel inferior, and one way they make themselves feel better is by attempting to see faults in other people.
If your husband has low self-esteem, you may notice he has a tendency to overflog issues.
He is usually so critical of you that even when you have done something wrong, you still end up feeling rebellious.
The purpose of criticism is to help you see how to do things better.
If his criticism doesn’t make you feel this way, he just has low self-esteem.
This usually puts a strain on the marriage.
But don’t be scared; some things can be done to improve the quality of your relationship.
Just stay with me…
3. They usually have trust issues
Love is not enough to keep a marriage.
Couples must also be able to trust each other.
While trust has to be earned, you have to do more to earn it if you are with a man with low self-esteem.
A little bit of jealousy is usually good in a relationship, but when it gets to the point that it seems to border on paranoia, it may be a sign that your husband has low self-esteem.
Husbands with low self-esteem usually feel threatened by their wives’ interactions with other men.
They tend to see threats where there are none, hence gaining their trust is usually an uphill struggle.
Even when you don’t give him any reason to suspect you, he just finds something to be suspicious about.
You literally have to spend so much time considering your actions and looking for ways that your husband may misconstrue as suspicious.
I remember how a young man beat his wife to a coma for smiling at another guy.
That’s not just low self-esteem; it is also madness.
Any low self-esteem issues that make your husband start physically assaulting you in your marriage is definitely madness.
You need to prioritize your well-being when you see that your husband’s paranoia begins to show signs of violence.
Some husbands have trust issues because, deep down, they don’t feel worthy of you.
They think other guys are better, and when they see you interacting with someone, they start unconsciously comparing themselves to the person.
4. They apologize too much
I am sure you never thought that apologies could be too much.
But, it is true.
Husbands with low self-esteem may apologize too often, especially when they have done nothing.
And it may have appeared sweet in the beginning.
I mean, who doesn’t love a man who apologizes even when he is not at fault just to keep the peace?
However, it starts grating on your nerves when it feels like they are apologizing for everything.
People with low self-esteem usually think they are taking too much space or breathing too much air.
They sometimes try to shrink into themselves so no one can notice them.
They usually feel like they are asking you for too much.
So, they apologize often for the perceived inconvenience to you.
The fact is that they don’t believe they deserve love and are scared to lose it, so they usually apologize for even things that you do wrongly.
5. They avoid conflicts
You may be wondering how avoiding conflicts is a bad thing.
Well, it is not a bad thing if you are not sacrificing your right to be a distinct personality.
Basically, I am peace-loving.
However, there are times in my life when I don’t shy away from conflict because avoiding it may make me capitulate on important values and principles.
This means that if your husband compromises on his important principles all the time just to avoid conflicts, he could just have low self-esteem.
Husbands with low self-esteem usually avoid conflicts because they are scared of the outcome.
They are scared that the conflict will reduce their wives’ love for them.
Hence, they avoid conflict like it’s a plague.
6. They are over-critical of themselves
Growing up, I used to feel so different from other kids.
I grew up among kids who couldn’t relate to me, and for most of my childhood, I had no friends except characters from novels.
I am Yoruba but I couldn’t speak Yoruba…
So, I felt so out of place.
Kids around me would usually communicate in Yoruba while casting jeering looks at me.
I didn’t need to understand the language to get the gist of what they were doing.
I got to learn the language as I grew older but things didn’t change.
Kids would usually insult me, and it got to a point that I started believing them.
I soon started insulting myself even before they did.
At least, I felt that saying it to myself took the sting away.
If you grew up among mean kids, you would understand what I am describing here.
Husbands with low self-esteem usually have this tendency, too.
If your husband constantly puts himself down and focuses on his flaws and failures, it is a sign of low self-esteem.
He really can’t see anything good about himself, and it’s such a wonder to him that you are still with him.
This negative self-talk has created a stronghold in his mind that he keeps reinforcing every time he puts himself down.
The more he says these things, the stronger his conviction that he is no good at all.
7. They don’t know how to receive compliments
Have you ever seen a person who doesn’t know how to take compliments?
You compliment them, and they look at you with suspicion…
Sometimes, they even ask if you are teasing them.
I have seen several people like this.
They are so embedded in their negative perception of themselves that they actually don’t think anyone can see something positive in them.
Husbands with low self-esteem usually deflect or downplay any form of praise and compliment directed at them because they are not conditioned to believe positive feedback.
Do you remember how I mentioned that kids were mean to me as a child?
Well, I grew up, and I almost always couldn’t believe that I was getting positive feedback from my age mates.
I was so used to being bashed by mates.
However, I don’t feel that way anymore.
Gradually, I have to realize my worth.
Now, I respond to compliments graciously because I believe I am worthy of them.
The saddest thing is that some people thought that my tendency to deflect praise and compliments was humility.
The same thing may be happening to your husband.
People may think he is humble, but they don’t know the demons he battles with…
The constant whispers of how unworthy of love and appreciation he is.
Don’t be mistaken.
Humble people believe they deserve positive feedback.
They don’t just float and boast of their abilities.
Yet, they accept their accolades whenever it is given.
8. They avoid making decisions
Husbands with low self-esteem usually have issues with making decisions.
They struggle with handling major decisions and even minor ones.
As a result of this, they may defer to their partners.
Really, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if they sometimes took the initiative themselves.
But when you have to deal with the weight of making most of the decisions in the household, it puts a strain on you.
This avoidance of making crucial decisions is usually due to fear of making the wrong decision and being blamed for it.
Everyone makes mistakes.
However, husbands with low self-esteem consider mistakes with infinite horror.
They want nothing to do with it hence they avoid decision-making.
I know you may be wondering how to cope in such a marriage.
Well, I won’t say it will be easy, but with love guiding you, I believe your marriage will be successful if you follow the tips below.
The first thing you need to do is to encourage honest communication.
Really, if your partner is scared of being judged inadequate by other people, you need to create a safe space for them.
Let him feel wanted and loved.
It may be tiring, but your constant validation can work wonders.
Don’t stop doing it.
It is also important that you encourage your husband to prioritize his well-being.
He should speak positive things to himself and participate in activities he loves.
By doing those things he excels at, his self-esteem naturally receives a boost.
There’s only so much you can do, so you need to encourage him to see a therapist.
A therapist may be able to discover the exact cause of his self-esteem issues and help him overcome them professionally.
While you are at it, you mustn’t forget to prioritize your well-being as well.
Set boundaries to ensure that he doesn’t lash out at you even when he is at his lowest.
These steps don’t work like magic.
It’s a gradual process, and you need to be patient.
However, your husband needs to be ready to work on his issues.
You can still have that successful marriage you dream of.
I am rooting for you!