My partner and I have a rule in our relationship when we are trying to make a joint decision.
The rule is that we are both fully involved in the decision-making process, and even when we have different views or choices, whoever’s choice we opt for eventually becomes our choice.
That implies that if things don’t go well in the end, we are not to point fingers at the original owner of that idea and blame them for the way things turned out.
We made this rule to avoid building a culture of pointing fingers and blaming others, as we had seen the effect it had on us the one time it happened.
We decided to accept whatever came out of our choices as a unit and face it together.
This does not mean that if one person makes a mistake, they shouldn’t take responsibility for it; it just means that they shouldn’t be condemned and blamed.
We understand that it can be emotionally devastating to be blamed all the time, especially by your significant other.
So I get how you feel if your husband blames you for everything.
It is not a good place to be, but I want to help you navigate this situation by explaining the possible reasons why it is happening and ways you can handle it.
When Your Husband Blames You For Everything
1. You made a mistake
Every human being is capable of making mistakes because nobody is infallible.
But when you make a mistake involving just you, it’s a little different from when it involves someone else, even if the person is your partner.
Your husband may suddenly be blaming you for everything because of a mistake you made in the past.
Perhaps it was an error in judgment, a hasty decision that ended the wrong way, a morally wrong decision, or a financial decision you thought would be good but ended up going south.
It could be anything, but it involved him and ended up blowing up in both your faces.
That happened in the past, but he has refused to let go of it.
Now he blames you for everything.
This can leave you very frustrated because you probably wouldn’t treat him the same way if the tables were turned.
Alas, here we are.
This is neither an excuse nor a justification for your husband’s actions.
It’s just a possible explanation for it.
2. He’s immature
Blaming someone for everything, no matter your reasons is a sign of immaturity.
There’s no nicer way to say it.
If you’re wondering why your husband is blaming you for everything, while it may have some connection with something you have done in the past, that’s not the major reason.
The major reason is that your husband is emotionally immature and lacks the maturity required for a healthy relationship.
Grown and emotionally mature men know how to express themselves and resolve conflicts constructively without heaping the blame on their women.
Even when she has a role in the issue on the ground, they do not always point fingers.
It’s just not a mature thing to do.
3. He has personal issues
Habits like constantly blaming others usually stem from deeper-seated issues, and those issues are from your husband’s end, not yours.
He’s probably an insecure person, unsure of his abilities and decisions, so he finds other people to throw them on, and unfortunately, you happen to be the most convenient.
It may also reveal control issues where he feels a need to control the narrative or assert dominance over you.
All these point to his inability to take responsibility as a husband even when he’s at fault.
He would instead choose to project his faults onto his wife, seeing in you what he dislikes in himself.
This could be due to unresolved past issues that are affecting his present behavior or just some bad habits built over time.
Lack of Empathy:** He might lack empathy for his wife’s feelings and experiences.
Negative Outlook:** He might have a negative outlook on life, which influences how he perceives and interacts with his wife.
4. It’s not intentional
If your husband blames you for everything, chances are super high that he knows what he’s doing, but let us give him some window of chance just in case he’s not aware.
I’ve come to realize that sometimes people can do the darndest things and not be aware that they’re doing something wrong.
Your husband may lack awareness of his behavior and its impact on you and the marriage.
He may need help recognizing and addressing this pattern.
Another possibility is that he may be dealing with stress or pressure from other aspects of his life and expressing his frustrations to you.
5. He’s looking for an excuse to leave
Usually, this is one-way people try to communicate to their partners that they are fed up with a relationship or marriage.
Bringing up unnecessary issues and pointing fingers at you at every opportunity may be the language your husband is choosing to use when he says, “I don’t want this anymore. Let us part ways.”
It may be sad or scary to think about, but it is a possibility, and the last thing you need is to break down in tears or become miserable.
You need to clean up your eyes so they can read the handwriting on the wall.
When Your Husband Blames You for Everything: How to Handle It
1. Understand that it’s not about you
Anyone in a situation like yours is likely to start feeling sad and almost believing that they’re true to be blamed for everything.
This is why the first thing to do to approach this issue is to accept that this situation is more about your husband than you.
It says so much about him and very little about you.
The danger of not embracing this fact is that you may end up suffering the following:
– Emotional turmoil: The constant blame can take a toll on your emotions and make you stressed, affecting your mental health and your self-esteem.
– Feeling unheard: You will begin to feel unheard and unappreciated in your marriage.
– Self-doubt: You likely will suffer self-doubt because of the constant throwing down.
You may find yourself questioning your actions and decisions, thinking you can’t get anything right.
– Anger and resentment: The inevitable end of all of these is resentment and anger.
Over time, you may grow resentful toward your husband for pushing everything on you and not taking responsibility for his actions.
– Impact on behavior: Your behavior may eventually get altered due to the unhealthy situation you’re in.
You may become overly defensive and begin to withdraw.
Your husband’s actions may also have the following impacts on your marriage:
– Marriage dynamics: Your marriage can’t be healthy with such a thing going on.
An unhealthy dynamic will be created where one person (you) feels unfairly burdened.
– Communication breakdown: Communication will also take the hit, making everything even worse as it’s now more difficult to resolve issues.
– Eroded trust: When you’re constantly blamed, the trust in your marriage can be eroded.
You no longer feel confident in your husband and his decisions.
– Power imbalance: A marriage that is supposed to be a partnership may take the form of a slave-master relationship.
2. Talk to him about it
There’s no way to face this issue without facing the primary source – your husband.
You don’t have to attack your husband or vent out of your frustration from his actions.
I mean, if you did, it’s understandable, but it may not get the job done.
You need to find the healthiest and most comfortable way possible to bring up the issue.
There’s no other way to handle it than to talk about it.
3. Need for counseling
Having a conversation with your husband about the situation and how it makes you feel is super important, but it may not be sufficient sometimes.
You may need to get extra help.
Getting professional help from marriage therapists or counselors can be useful in cases like this.
They can help you identify and address underlying issues and improve your communication.
4. A decision has to be made
Things can’t be left to continue the way they are, so a decision has to be made.
After extensive communication and perhaps professional help, you and your husband should have a clear direction on what you want to do.
There can be improvement and positive changes but only when both parties are genuinely still interested and willing to put in the work.