Growing up, I am sure we all learned about the five magical words: “Please,” “Thank you,” and “Sorry.”
Words so powerful that they could heal a rift as wide as the Atlantic Ocean and melt an iceberg.
We were taught to use these words, but some of us have used them more than others and experienced the magic they can create.
“I am sorry” may be among the most powerful phrases in English.
As short as it is, it has been known to cause deep hurts to be forgiven and intense anger to be forgotten.
As powerful as these three words are, some people still find it hard to use them, especially the word “sorry.”
It is commonly acknowledged that saying “sorry” could be difficult for some people.
If your husband is one of those people, then I am sure you are wondering why he finds apologizing difficult after hurting you.
To help you with your quest, I have compiled a list of what it means if your husband never apologizes to you.
You may be shocked by some of them.
Come along, let’s see what it means when your husband never apologizes to you.
If Your Husband Never Apologizes To You: 7 Things It Means
1. He doesn’t think he has done anything wrong
Have you ever considered the fact that you and your husband may have different perspectives on right and wrong?
For the most part, males have a higher threshold for which situation actually deserves an apology.
I know you are confused, but this means that men and women usually have different perspectives on the things that require an apology.
This is quite evident in male relationships.
Most males have never had to apologize to their male friends.
This is not because they have not done hurtful things to each other, but to most guys, many of those things don’t deserve apologies.
They only want to know that you don’t plan to do it again.
So, you may be feeling hurt about your husband’s actions, inaction, or words and expecting him to apologize, even though he doesn’t know he has done anything wrong to you.
The best thing to do when you are angry at something your husband does is to tell him.
Now, he may still attempt to justify what he did logically, but the fact is that you have told him that he hurt you, and a reasonable man would apologize for hurting you before stating the reasons for his actions.
You must note that I am not trying to defend men who don’t apologize to their wives.
What is wrong is wrong. I am just opening a window into his thought process so you can see why he does what he does.
Husbands, when your partner is offended at something you did, you should apologize before explaining your actions.
2. He doesn’t care about your feelings
I am a big fan of effective communication.
Communicate your feelings to your partner in a constructive way.
It is not just for expressing emotions like love; you can also express hurt or displeasure effectively.
However, if his response to this is to ignore your feelings and go on without apologizing, it is a sign that he doesn’t care about your feelings and isn’t even hiding it.
Many men have to be taught to be like this.
They believe that considering other people’s feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness.
They are wrong.
It is a sign of strength that is becoming increasingly rare.
The ability to sense the feelings of people around you is great, but some people are unable to do this.
I have a female friend who can be so annoying that it feels like a volcano is about to erupt in you, and she won’t even notice that anything is off.
You may even tell her she is annoying you, and she will gloss over your feelings without apologizing or acknowledging them.
She is self-absorbed.
A lot of people are like this, and this may be the reason why your husband never apologizes.
He is too self-absorbed to know that he has hurt you, and when he knows, he still doesn’t bother apologizing because he only cares about his feelings.
This level of selfishness doesn’t belong in a marriage.
3. He is immature
As a kid, I also had trouble apologizing whenever I was wrong.
Anything that involved me saying “sorry” had to mean that I had committed a really terrible atrocity.
Then, I grew up and realized the power of the word “Sorry.”
I realized that I wouldn’t have gotten into so much trouble as a kid if only I had just used the word frequently.
If your husband never apologizes in the relationship, it means that he just hasn’t outgrown that childish phase that makes it difficult for someone to say, “I am sorry.”
This could be the reason why many men don’t apologize to their wives.
Saying “I am sorry” is such a struggle for them.
They can show they are repentant with their actions, but what about the words?
You probably would never hear it from their lips.
For me, this is immaturity, and your husband needs to grow up.
He can’t be Peter Pan for the rest of his life.
Grow up, man!
4. He feels he is superior to his wife
Let me state this… There is something fundamentally wrong with this thought process.
Marriage is not a relationship between superior and subordinate; it is a beautiful union of a man and woman who love each other to become one.
Have you noticed that most bosses never apologize to their subordinates when they are wrong?
Is this what your marriage feels like?
Some men believe they have the authority to do whatever they like in their marriage just because they are the husbands.
If your husband never apologizes even when it is glaring that he is wrong, the chances are he is one of those men who feel that being masculine places them above females.
He probably feels that you are beneath him, so you don’t deserve an apology from him.
He could be thinking this way because he comes from a misogynistic environment, or he has a warped view of the Biblical instruction that women should submit to their husbands.
Whatever his reasons are, you don’t deserve to be treated like an inferior creation.
I am sure it doesn’t stop at just not apologizing; he also does terrible things to you in the relationship.
You are in a toxic marriage.
5. He is a perfectionist
I know you have heard that nobody is perfect.
However, some people choose to identify as “nobody”.
They are perfectionists who believe everything they do has to be of a certain standard.
They also demand the same level of perfection from the people around them.
If this is how your husband is, then saying “sorry” is taboo for him.
It will make him feel like he did something wrong, which is at odds with his “Mr Perfect” image.
It makes him feel weak and incompetent.
For these reasons, a perfectionist husband may find it difficult to apologize.
The idea that he can be wrong creates a conflict of identity for him.
If your husband is a perfectionist, he obviously knows when he does something wrong, but he never apologizes because it would make him feel disrespected.
6. He finds expressing himself difficult
I have met many men who find it difficult to express themselves verbally, especially when they are trying to express things they feel deeply.
He knows he hurt you, and you are disappointed in him.
He feels genuinely sorry for hurting you but doesn’t know how to express himself verbally.
How does he communicate what he feels effectively if he finds it hard to do so verbally?
He does it with his actions.
He tries to show you he is sorry in other ways.
He brings you a gift from work or serves you breakfast in bed.
He wakes early and prepares the kids for school so you don’t have to get out of bed early.
He offers to take you out or bring you lunch in your office.
But he never says the actual words, “I am sorry.”
He may feel like talk is cheap and actions speak more about a person’s feelings.
Whatever his reasons, you know when he is repentant, even when he doesn’t actually apologize.
7. He is emotionally abusive
Here is the worst-case scenario.
If your husband never apologizes to you, it could mean that you are in an abusive relationship.
Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical. In fact, physical abuse can be called the go-to tool of amateur abusers.
The expert ones use every tool in their dirty bag of tricks.
From gaslighting to verbal abuse and manipulation, they control you.
Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse because its consequences are not easily seen.
If a man hits you, you may have a black eye, but when he emotionally abuses you, he leaves no outwardly visible marks.
Here’s how to spot that your husband’s refusal to apologize is another attempt to abuse you emotionally… He knows he has done something wrong to you.
Rather than outrightly apologize or show through his actions that he is sorry, he withdraws into a shell.
He then gaslights you and turns the tables on you till you find yourself apologizing when you have done nothing wrong.
A part of you knows you have done nothing wrong, but you are just so tired of being ignored that you end up begging him… For what?
To forgive you for being offended by his offensive actions?
The logic behind this is so warped, but this is how emotional abuse works.
Ultimately, understanding why your husband never apologizes will give you a good idea of what to do.
You should never blame yourself for his inability to apologize.
Instead, you should speak to him about it.
Tell him you forgive him even when he does not say the words but shows signs of repentance.
You also need to encourage him to grow up and maybe talk to a professional who can help him deal with his inner struggles.
In the case of emotional abuse, talk to someone.
Get a solid support base and walk away from that marriage without looking back.
Learn to love yourself, and you will soon end up getting all the love you deserve.
I am rooting for you.
Julian
Tuesday 8th of October 2024
Yes and what about the female that does the same?