Before, the question women who are unsure about a guy’s intention towards them usually ask is, ”What are the signs is using me for sex?”
But now, with technology and social media, there’s a new question that comes up: ”Am I being used for sexting or something more?”
Sexting has become increasingly common, and it involves sending sexually explicit messages or photos via text or social media.
As women, we want to believe the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.
But sometimes, our gut feeling tells us otherwise.
So how do you know if a guy is just using you for sexting or if he’s actually interested in a real relationship?
12 Signs He’s Using You For Sexting
1. He only texts you late at night.
I’m not saying every late-night text is a red flag, but if he’s consistently messaging you when the moon’s high and the stars are out, you have to wonder, is your chat his pillow talk substitute?
Or is he just looking for a late-night thrill without putting in the effort of actually getting to know you?
If you’ve noticed that your guy only reaches out in the cool of the night when you are ready to sleep or already in bed, and it is a rinse-and-repeat pattern with him, then maybe he is using you.
It becomes clear that this is his motive when he always initiates sexually explicit texts when he texts you at ungodly hours.
A popular Nigerian slang says, “Werey dey disguise” (he is playing you).
2. He’s always asking for pictures.
Sure, at the beginning of a relationship, it’s common for couples to exchange pictures.
But if he’s constantly requesting suggestive or explicit photos from you, it could be a sign that he’s just using you for sexting.
It gets more interesting if he collects and feasts on your nude pictures without reciprocating, but like Oliver Twists the next night, he is back again for more.
Please read the handwriting on the wall; he is using you for sexting!
3. He disappears after you refuse to send him explicit photos.
If you’ve made it clear to him that you’re not comfortable sending explicit photos, but he suddenly goes silent or stops messaging you altogether, it’s a major red flag.
This shows that his interest in you was purely physical, and once he couldn’t get what he wanted, he lost interest.
4. He always steers the conversation towards sexual topics.
Pay attention to the topics he brings up in your conversations.
Does he always try to steer the conversation towards sex or anything sexual?
Does he start conversations with, “What are you wearing tonight?”
During my first year in the university and the days of 2go chats, I met a guy who always tried to get sensual with me in chats.
At first, it didn’t register, and I always politely steered our conversation back.
Eventually, I read the room and understood what he wanted.
He wanted to use me for sexting.
If your guy always uses sexual adjectives in describing you or your body parts, that is a red flag.
I must tell you that some of these guys try to test the waters by coming unto you gently.
However, others may be blunt and direct in their approach, expressing blatantly their sexual desires.
Watch out for this sign; he will always reroute every conversation back to sex.
5. He ghosts you after sexting.
You’ve exchanged spicy messages with this guy, full of anticipation for the next rendezvous.
Then, poof, he pulls a vanishing act, leaving you with more questions than a philosophy professor.
Ghosting after a steamy chat isn’t just rude; it’s a red flag the size of Canada.
If he’s all in for the sexting but dials down after the ‘send’ button, then you are merely an escape door from the ‘real’ in ‘relationship.’
6. He never asks about your day or shows interest in getting to know you.
A healthy relationship involves both partners showing interest in each other’s lives and getting to know each other.
A guy who is using you for sexting won’t need those other details about your life as he doesn’t want any emotional investment.
His message or chat tone may seem charming, but check to see if you’ll find the sign that he genuinely wants to know you.
You’ll be shocked.
Girlfriend, it’s a no-brainer; he needs you for sexting but doesn’t want to go beyond that with you, so he keeps things surface-level but sexually steamy.
7. He’s inconsistent in his communication.
Inconsistent communication is a telltale sign of someone not looking for consistency in a relationship.
They’re about the moment, not the journey—alone or with you.
If he is sending you mixed signals or pulls a disappearing act on you here and there, and when he returns, all he wants is sexual chats and nudes, then he is using you for sexting.
It is as clear as daylight.
8. He never makes plans to see you in person.
Since sexting only takes place on the phone, there’s no point in trying to see you in person.
In a healthy relationship, even for long-distance relationships, the partners eagerly look forward to connecting in person.
However, if all this guy does with you is sext and tell you sweet nonsense, and every time you bring up the suggestion to meet up in person, he becomes dodgy, then he is using you.
He has all he wants already and doesn’t want more than sexting.
9. He sends unsolicited explicit photos without warning.
Iron sharpens iron, they say.
He may send explicit pictures to you to turn you on so you are always in the mood to sext with him.
He understands that your eyes are a doorway to your soul and your mind is your most sensitive sexual organ, so the goal in sending those unsolicited pictures is to make you feel horny enough to sext with him.
10. He’s not interested in meeting your friends or introducing you to his.
Why would he?
His business with you starts and ends on the phone.
Getting overly friendly and into each other’s lives will only mess things up.
I want you to know that in a healthy relationship, your guy will be happy and eager to introduce you to his family, friends, and all who matter in his life.
However, if he evades this part and makes you his best-kept secret while still sexting with you, then he is only using you.
11. He only talks about himself and doesn’t ask about your interests or life.
Selfish people have one common trait: they are self-absorbed.
People who use others are no different.
Since he is using you to get pleasure or as a distraction from whatever is happening in his life, he won’t care a hoot about you, your interests, or your life.
It is what it is.
12. He ignores your non-sexy messages.
You try to engage him in conversation about your day or something funny you saw, but he always responds with something flirty and sexual.
Remember the guy I talked about earlier?
He always had a way of steering every conversation back to sex.
Even when I wanted to talk about serious things, he’d make a sexual joke out of it and reroute me back.
Look out for this sign; it is not hard to miss.
If he is using you for sexting, he won’t be interested in any message that is non-sexy and will always bring you back to the core of his desire: sex.
Finding out that you are being used can be very painful, but facing the reality and dealing with the issue squarely is better.
If you’ve identified that the guy you are sexting with is only using you, you need to decide on your next course of action.
Will you continue to let him play on your emotions and string you along?
Or will you put your foot down and refuse to be treated in such a manner?
The ball is in your court.