A man who has a mistress is playing a dangerous game.
Whether he admits it or not, he’s living in two worlds, and that kind of double life forces him to think things he can’t dare say…
Not to his wife, not to his mistress, not to his friends who might even be as guilty as he, and sometimes, not even to himself.
But trust me, he’s thinking them.
Because you can’t cheat and not have thoughts that follow you around; thoughts that haunt you in quiet moments, mess with your emotions, confuse you, excite you, and exhaust you.
So while he may be out here playing the smooth guy, calling both women “baby” and managing his schedule like a pro, there are thoughts running through his mind every single day.
And today, we’re dragging those thoughts into the light.
Come with me.
12 Things Men Think About Their Mistresses But Never Say Out Loud
1. “She’s Much Easier to Deal With Than My Wife”
This is probably the most common thought that runs through cheating men’s minds.
Not that she’s better, not that she’s more beautiful, not that he loves her more.
Helloooo…. have you seen some women some men cheat with?
They can’t match their wives in any way: physically, intellectually, mentally, socially….
But she’s easier.
She doesn’t ask him to take out the trash or fix the leaky faucet.
She doesn’t expect him to remember her birthday or meet her parents.
She accepts whatever scraps of time and attention he gives her because she’s grateful just to have him at all.
To him, she’s like a vacation from real life.
Low maintenance, high reward, no real responsibilities.
Bliss!
But his wife expects him to be a partner, a father, a friend, and a responsible adult.
His mistress just expects him to show up occasionally and make her feel special.
Guess which one feels easier after a long day at work?
But he’d never say this out loud because it reveals how little he actually respects her.
It shows that he sees her as entertainment rather than a real woman with real needs and desires.
2. “I’m Never Leaving My Wife for Her”
Even when he’s promising her that they’ll be together someday, even when he’s talking about leaving his marriage, he knows he never will.
Most men don’t leave their wives; know this and know peace.
Because his wife represents stability, family, respectability, and his real life, she’s woven into his social circle, family connections, and financial situation.
That’s why he hides the mistress, and not his wife.
His wife knows his flaws and loves him anyway.
She’s seen him at his worst and chose to stay.
His mistress represents fun and an escape.
But escape destinations aren’t where you build your permanent home.
He likes having someone who thinks he’s amazing without knowing his flaws.
Someone who doesn’t know he leaves dirty dishes in the sink or forgets to pay bills.
But that’s not real life, and he knows it.
He just likes pretending it could be.
The promises he makes about leaving his wife are really just ways to keep his mistress hooked.
He needs her to believe there’s a future so she’ll continue to accept the present situation.
3. “She’s More Desperate Than I Am”
Most men in affairs know they hold more power in the relationship because their mistress wants more than they’re willing to give.
She wants commitment and a future together.
He wants companionship, fun, validation, and sex without too many demands.
She’s hoping he’ll choose her over his wife.
He’s hoping he never has to choose at all.
This makes him feel in control.
So, she’s constantly trying to prove she’s worthy of being chosen.
While he’s enjoying being desired.
4. “She Doesn’t Really Know Me”
Affairs exist in bubbles where both people can pretend to be better versions of themselves.
He gets to be charming and romantic because he’s only seeing her a few hours a week when he’s in a good mood.
She doesn’t see him stressed about work, arguing with his kids, using the toilet, or being a lazy slob on Sunday afternoons.
She doesn’t know he has anxiety about money or that he sometimes goes days without showering when he’s unhappy.
She doesn’t see him lose his temper over stupid things or watch him ignore his mother’s phone calls.
Part of him knows that if she really knew him, like saw all his flaws, dealt with his bad days, had to live with his annoying habits, she might not be so enamored.
It’s intoxicating to have someone think you’re amazing when your wife knows exactly how un-amazing you can be.
5. “She makes me feel like a man again.”
He’ll never say this, not even to himself in clear words.
But many men don’t cheat because their wives are doing anything wrong.
In fact, some have the best wives on the planet.
They cheat because something inside them feels small, ignored, forgotten… and their mistress makes them feel seen.
She laughs at his jokes, praises his ideas, boosts his ego, and makes him feel powerful and important.
Like a man who still “has it.”
So, it’s not always about beauty or sex; it’s about identity and relevance.
At home, he might feel like just the provider, the errand boy, the father of the kids, the guy who forgot to take the trash out.
With her?
He’s himself again, or at least the version he wants to believe he is.
But you think he’ll say that out loud?
Never.
Because saying it would mean admitting just how insecure he really feels.
6. “I Feel Sorry for Her Sometimes”
Most cheating men aren’t monsters; they know their mistress is getting a raw deal.
She’s giving her best years, her emotions, her body, and her soul to someone who can’t give her what she really wants.
She’s missing out on finding someone who could actually be with her fully.
She’s settling for holidays alone, weekends by herself, lying to her friends and family about her relationship status.
She’s building her life around someone who can only give her fragments of his.
He knows she’s turning down dates with available men because she’s holding out hope for him.
He watches her get excited about scraps of time and attention that should be basic relationship expectations.
But his pity doesn’t translate to action because changing the situation would require him to give up something he enjoys.
So he feels bad for her while continuing to use her.
He compartmentalizes the guilt by telling himself she’s a grown woman making her own choices.
Pathetic!
7. “She’s Replaceable”
This is probably the most brutal thought of all.
While his mistress is building dreams around their relationship, he knows that if she disappeared tomorrow, he could find someone else.
Because what he’s looking for: fun, validation, excitement, escape, can come from any attractive woman willing to give it to him.
She’s not irreplaceable because of who she is.
She’s convenient because of what she provides.
His wife, on the other hand, is almost irreplaceable.
Come on now, is marriage a joke to you?
She knows his family, his history, his dreams, his fears, his strengths, and weaknesses.
She’s the mother of his children, his financial partner, his emergency contact, his next of kin (I hope, because some men still be making their mothers and siblings their NOK)
Replacing her would mean dismantling his entire existence.
Replacing his mistress just means finding a new phone number to text.
This is why he can make promises to his mistress that he breaks without feeling devastated.
This is why he can prioritize his wife’s needs over hers without feeling conflicted.
He knows that what they have, while enjoyable, is ultimately disposable.
8. “I’m Using Her and I Know It”
Most cheating men aren’t stupid.
They know they’re taking advantage of someone who cares about them more than they care back.
They know they’re selling dreams they have no intention of making a reality.
They know they’re wasting years of someone’s life that could be spent building something real with someone available.
They know they’re being selfish, taking what they want while giving as little as possible in return.
But they do it anyway because it serves their needs.
The guilt is manageable when weighed against the benefits they’re receiving.
They compartmentalize the damage they’re causing because acknowledging it fully would require them to stop.
And they’re not ready to stop because the arrangement works too well for them.
So yeah, they know they’re using you.
You should know too, and not kid yourself.
9. “She’s Going to Get Hurt and There’s Nothing I Can Do About It”
Most affairs end badly for the mistress.
Either he gets caught and has to cut contact, or she gets tired of waiting for promises that never materialize, or his guilt eventually wins out.
Very few mistresses get the happy ending they’re hoping for.
He knows this from the beginning, but he starts the affair anyway.
He tells himself maybe she’s different, maybe this time will be different, maybe somehow no one will get hurt.
But he knows the statistics.
He knows how these stories typically end.
10. “My Wife Would Destroy Her if She Found Out”
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (cheated on).
You know, men often underestimate their wives’ capacity for fury when betrayed.
But somewhere in the back of their minds, they know that if their wife discovered the affair, the mistress would become a target for rage that has nothing to do with her.
Wives don’t just blame the cheating husband; they often blame the other woman more.
The mistress becomes the villain who “stole” their husband, even though he was a willing participant.
She becomes the slut, the homewrecker, the evil seductress who destroyed a happy family.
This knowledge should make him more careful about protecting her, but instead, it often makes him more careful about protecting himself.
He knows that if things blow up, his wife will forgive him eventually.
But she’ll never forgive the other woman.
In fact, society will never forgive her.
And he’s okay with that because it means he gets to keep his real life while the mistress pays the social price.
11. “This is Going to End Badly and I’m Going to Let Her Take the Fall”
When affairs explode, cheating men almost always throw their mistresses under the bus to save their marriages.
She becomes the seducer, the seductress, the wife of Portiphar, the pursuer, the one who wouldn’t leave him alone.
He minimizes his role and maximizes hers to make himself look like a victim rather than a perpetrator.
He knows this is likely how things will play out if they get caught.
He’s probably already planning his defense strategy.
How he’ll frame the story to make himself look better.
What details he’ll emphasize and what he’ll leave out.
Yeah, cheating men are selfish like that.
12. “I Actually Respect My Wife More”
This part is twisted and hard to say.
Because it’s not just painful; it’s offensive.
While he’s betraying his wife, he still has more respect for her than for his mistress.
He may like the mistress.
Desire her.
Even care about her.
But respect?
Not really.
Because in the back of his mind, he thinks, “If she could be with a married man like me, what else is she capable of?”
He might never voice it; he might even defend her.
But the judgment is there, tucked behind compliments and sweet nothings.
It’s hypocritical, yes.
This is why he can betray his mistress more easily than his wife.
Cheating comes with all kinds of mental gymnastics, and some men are deeply drawn to women they secretly judge.
I’m not writing this to shame mistresses or make them feel worse about their situations.
I’m writing this because understanding how cheating men really think might help some women avoid wasting years of their lives on people who will never choose them.
The fantasy that mistresses are sold – that they’re special, that they’re loved, that they’re going to get their happy ending – is usually just that: a fantasy.
Most affairs are about convenience, not love.
Most cheating men are motivated by selfishness, not passion.
And most mistresses are getting played by someone who sees them as disposable entertainment rather than a partner.
I hope you prioritize yourself.