8 Things That Happen When You and Your Husband Haven’t Touched Each Other in Months

Let’s not even pretend like physical touch isn’t a big deal in marriage.

It is, fam! 

Holding hands, a warm hug from behind while you’re making dinner, forehead kisses before work, just lying skin to skin in silence, and of course, the main thing, sex.

Touch matters.

A whole lot.

I’m not here to shame anyone or act like life doesn’t get busy.

Kids, work stress, hormonal changes, emotional and physical distance, health issues….

So many things can slowly rob a marriage of physical touch.

One month turns into three, then six, and before you know it, you’re living like roommates who happen to share a last name.

And that’s where the trouble begins.

So, what really happens when you and your husband haven’t touched each other in months?

8 Things That Happen When You and Your Husband Haven’t Touched Each Other in Months

1. You Start Living Like Roommates

Seriously, the only difference between some married couples and mere flatmates is the surname they share.

And maybe children. 

But everything else?

Pure roommate energy.

One of the reasons I love watching TV with my husband is that I get to get a foot rub, scalp massage, or we just cuddle.

God, I love it! 

And it’s one of the things I miss when we are far apart, like now. 

Oh, I miss him right now! 😭

So, if you and your boo have adopted a very bad habit (yes, I’m judging you 🙄) of not touching each other, I’m sure you’ll stop holding hands while watching TV.

You’ll stop that casual touch on the shoulder when you pass each other in the kitchen.

You’ll stop cuddling on the couch during movies.

You stop those little moments of physical connection that used to happen naturally throughout the day.

Before you know it, you’re two people who live in the same space but never actually touch each other.

What kind of marriage is that?

Yeah, you split bills and household chores.

Kudos on keeping the house running. 

You’re probably doing a good job with the kids.

Awesome!

But you don’t touch each other.

You don’t look at each other with desire.

You don’t even sit close to each other anymore.

I ask again, what’s that? 

There are couples who sleep in the same bed but stay on their respective sides like there’s an invisible wall down the middle.

They watch movies together but sit on opposite ends of the couch.

I know that it’s not like you wake up one day and decide to stop touching each other.

It usually starts gradually, with touches becoming rare, then uncomfortable, and finally nonexistent.

By the time you notice what’s happened, you’ve been living like roommates for so long that being romantic feels foreign and awkward.

You become really good at managing a household together, but you’re not lovers anymore.

You’re just two people sharing space, expenses, and maybe children.

And once you cross that line into roommate territory, it’s really hard to find your way back to being husband and wife.

Because being married roommates feels safe and requires little effort. 

You don’t need to talk, have tough conversations, even fight, be vulnerable, and that. 

But there’s also no passion, no romance, no intimacy, and other things that make a marriage an enviable one.

 

2. The Kids Notice Something Is Wrong

Whenever anything happens to the children at school, the first question the school asks is, “What’s happening at home? Is there any recent change?”

My children’s teachers always ask us this when they notice any change in their behavior. 

They understand that the relationship between their parents will always affect the children in some way. 

And children are way more perceptive than we give them credit for.

They notice when Mommy and Daddy don’t hug anymore.

They see that you don’t sit together on the couch.

They pick up on the silence, the tension, the distance, the fact that something fundamental has changed in your relationship.

Even if you think you’re hiding it well, kids can sense when their parents aren’t really connected.

And that affects them in ways you might not even realize.

3. One or Both of You Start Looking Outside the Marriage

 

You know when you’re very hungry, even your least favorite food will become appealing to you. 

But when you’re full, your favorite won’t be that appealing to you. 

There’s a reason the Bible advises couples not to deny each other sex except for a certain short period agreed by the couple, so that you don’t get tempted. 

Because if you’re not touching each other in your marriage, and you’re two completely healthy individuals, how will you satisfy your longing to be touched? 

Tell me. 

Infidelity is never an easy topic to write about, even though we’ve written hundreds of articles on it here. 

I’m not excusing cheating or saying it’s justified when intimacy disappears from a marriage.

Cheating is a choice, and there are always other options, such as communication, compromise, counseling, or even separation, if things are truly irreparable.

But I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge what actually happens when people go months without any physical affection at home.

When you’re starving for human touch, for someone to make you feel attractive and desired, you become vulnerable to attention from other people in ways you might not expect.

I’ve watched this happen to good people who never thought they’d be in this position.

People who love their spouses but feel completely invisible in their own marriages.

I’m not talking about people who are actively trying to cheat.

I’m talking about people who are so emotionally and physically starved that they become susceptible to connections they would normally recognize as inappropriate.

Even if you never act on it, an emotional affair may have already begun.

I’ve seen marriages end not because someone had a full-blown affair, but because one spouse developed an emotional connection with someone else.

And once you experience that kind of connection with someone other than your spouse, it becomes hard to go back to feeling invisible at home.

This is why I keep saying that physical and emotional intimacy in marriage isn’t optional.

It’s not just about pleasure or romance.

It’s about protection.

When spouses are getting their needs met at home, they’re not vulnerable to getting them met elsewhere.

But when they’re both starving for touch, anything that feeds that hunger becomes dangerous.

4. Small Fights Start Feeling Like Big Wars

 

Fights are normal in a marriage; sometimes they’re big, other times they’re small.

But when you and your husband haven’t touched each other in months, even the smallest disagreements will be like World War III.

I can relate to this because I experience this if my husband and I go days without touching each other. 

The things I’m angry about aren’t exactly about those things. 🤣🤣

They’re about something else.

For example, if he leaves his cup on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher, I’ll be furious.

Not just annoyed, but angry in a way that doesn’t match the offense.

Now imagine marriages where touch has disappeared for months.

What used to be minor irritations will become major conflicts because there’s no intimacy buffer to soften the blow.

When you’re physically and emotionally connected to your spouse, small annoyances roll off your back more easily.

You give each other grace because you’re in love.

But when that is missing, every little thing feels like another brick in the wall between you.

The dirty dishes aren’t just dirty dishes, no,  they’re evidence that he doesn’t care about your shared space.

The forgotten errands aren’t just mistakes – they’re proof that you’re not a priority.

Without physical intimacy to remind you that you’re on the same team, everything starts feeling adversarial.

You’re not lovers who occasionally disagree.

You’re roommates who are constantly irritated with each other.

And because you’re both already frustrated about the lack of touch, even if you’re not talking about it, you’re walking around with shorter fuses than usual.

And because you’re avoiding physical intimacy, you can’t even make up the way you used to.

No quick hug to defuse the tension.

No kiss to say “sorry for being cranky.”

Heck, no makeup sex! (Which is actually one of the sweetest. lol. Some people even intentionally create drama so they can have makeup sex. That’s toxic BTW).

So the fights linger longer, and things get worse.

5. You Both Start Questioning Your Attractiveness

I learnt as a Psychology undergraduate about Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

He said that human needs form a pyramid, and after our basic needs, such as food, water, and safety, are met, we require love and belonging, followed by self-esteem.

The fourth category of needs is the need for self-esteem, and one way we build self-esteem is through feeling valued and loved by the people who matter most to us.

No matter how confident you are, if your husband stops touching you, stops looking at you with desire, stops making you feel wanted, your self-esteem will take a massive hit.

You start wondering if you’re still attractive.

You start questioning if your body has changed too much, especially if you’re a mom. 

As a mom of 2, I know how much motherhood has changed my body. 

So, you start to believe that maybe you’re no longer desirable.

You might even start feeling uncomfortable being naked in front of him during the rare moments when you have to change clothes in the same room.

And your husband is probably going through the exact same thing.

Both of you are walking around feeling undesirable.

Yet neither of you is talking about it.

You just live with the quiet insecurity that eats away at your confidence.

6. You Start Avoiding Each Other Without Even Realizing It

You’d think that after not touching for months, both of you would be craving each other, longing to reconnect, and looking for ways to break the ice.

But that’s not always the case, unfortunately.

Because when it’s been a long time since you last touched each other, even an innocent contact starts feeling loaded with awkwardness.

You start unconsciously creating distance between yourselves in ways that would seem crazy to couples who are still physically connected.

You begin changing clothes in separate rooms or wait until your spouse isn’t around.

You time your showers differently so you don’t accidentally run into each other getting dressed.

You avoid brushing against each other in bed, like you’re both trying not to disturb some invisible force field.

In the kitchen, instead of squeezing past each other like you used to, you wait for the other person to move.

You even say “excuse me” like you’re strangers instead of married people who used to be comfortable in each other’s space.

I hope you can see how ridiculous this is already. 

Without even discussing it, you’ve both silently agreed that maintaining distance is safer than risking uncomfortable moments.

You’re both living in the same house but existing in separate bubbles, making sure those bubbles never accidentally touch.

This isn’t marriage. 

7. You Both Stop Trying With Your Appearance

Even though I love looking good as a woman, for myself first, of course, I want my man to find me attractive because you can’t tell me looks don’t matter. 

One of the costly mistakes many married people make is not making an effort to look good because, well, they’ve gotten to their permanent site (they’re married; no need to impress who they already have). 

So yeah, we look good because we’re responsible adults and because we want to stay sexy for our partners. 

I don’t just buy sexy lingerie for myself, but also for my husband. 

However, when nobody is looking at you with desire, it’s easy to stop caring how you look.

You stop putting effort into your appearance because what’s the point?

You stop buying nice underwear, stop caring about staying in shape, and stop doing the little things that make you feel attractive.

Both of you end up existing in your most comfortable, least attractive state because nobody is paying attention anyway.

8. You Start Wondering If This Is Just How Marriage Is

Maybe the most dangerous thing that happens is that you start accepting this as normal.

You start thinking that maybe all marriages become sexless eventually, and maybe passion is just for young people or new relationships.

You resign yourself to a life without intimacy because it’s easier than facing how broken things have become.

 

Look, I know life isn’t black and white. 

And I know that sometimes marriages go through dry spells for legitimate reasons: health issues, stress, distance, life changes, new babies….like I already mentioned in my intro. 

That’s normal and temporary.

But months and months without any physical connection?

That’s not a dry spell.

That’s a fundamental breakdown in your relationship that needs to be addressed.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: physical intimacy doesn’t just happen.

It requires intention, attention, effort, and vulnerability from both people.

If it’s been months, somebody needs to break the cycle.

You guys need to have the uncomfortable conversation.

Somebody needs to reach out, literally and figuratively.

Your marriage is too important to let it slowly fade into a roommate situation.

Don’t accept “this is just how marriage is” as an answer.

Because it’s not.

Good marriages include passion, friendship, intimacy, affection, and physical connection throughout all stages of life.

If yours doesn’t, it’s time to figure out why and do something about it.