When your daughter chooses boyfriend over family…..
Even though my girl is still a toddler, I can’t imagine her choosing a boyfriend over me, over her family.
It’s not a palatable experience for any parent at all.
But the fact is, it happens.
This is your daughter we’re talking about.
The same little girl who used to cling to your leg and beg you not to leave her at pre-school.
The same girl who used to fall asleep in your arms after a long day.
Your sweet little girl who used to tell you she loves you.
And now she’s a teenager or older, and she’s choosing her boyfriend over you.
But, there is no problem without a solution.
The following are a few things you can do when your daughter chooses her boyfriend over you:
What To Do When Your Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Family
1. Don’t let yourself become bitter towards your daughter because it will only cause more problems
Understandably, you feel hurt, angry, disappointed, and betrayed, but don’t let yourself get bitter towards her.
Remember that she’s still your child and needs you in her life.
You can’t be the mom she needs if you are bitter against her.
She’s growing up and discovering who she is, which sometimes means making choices you may not agree with.
Understand that love can make people do crazy things.
It might help to think of a time when you felt a strong attraction for someone, even though they weren’t good for you
So, if your daughter has chosen her boyfriend over the family, it helps to remain calm and not let your emotions get the best of you, hard as it may.
It will only push her away if you become bitter and lash out at her.
2. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter
It is difficult to keep calm when you’re feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she’s chosen her boyfriend over you.
Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective.
You might be able to come to a better understanding of each other.
3. Consider your role in her decision
After you’ve talked to your daughter, take a step back and consider your role in her decision.
It’s possible that you might have contributed to her feeling like she had to choose between you and her boyfriend.
Maybe you were too overbearing or didn’t show her enough attention.
Consider what you could have done differently and try to make changes in your relationship with her.
4. Make sure she knows she is still loved
No matter what, your daughter needs to know that she is still loved.
You want her to know that you’re there for her, no matter what.
She’s your daughter and will always be.
Knowing this will give her the assurance that her mom is always there for her, no matter what.
Even when things aren’t going well with her and her boyfriend, she’d know she can always come back to you; because you love her and don’t judge her.
Also, encourage her to confide in you about her relationship and be there for her if she needs to talk.
5. Be supportive, but give her space
Once you’ve talked things out with your daughter and let her know the family loves her, give her the space she needs to grow and discover who she is without putting too much pressure on her.
She’s going to make mistakes, but that’s part of growing up.
The most important thing is that she knows she can always come to you for help and advice when she needs it.
Sometimes, during this space, daughters realize how much their family means to them and go back home or choose their family.
6. If your daughter is still living at home, set some rules and boundaries regarding her boyfriend
If your daughter is still living at home, you have the right to set some rules and boundaries regarding her boyfriend.
For example, you might require that he comes over during certain hours or that he does not stay overnight.
Communicate these rules to both your daughter and her boyfriend.
Be firm but also be understanding.
Your goal is to keep your daughter safe and protected while giving her the freedom to grow up and make her own decisions.
7. Do not try to come between them or ask her to choose between her family and her boyfriend
I know you think she has already chosen her boyfriend over you, but she might want to be with her boyfriend and still enjoy the love of her family.
Just because she chose her boyfriend over her family doesn’t mean she hates her family.
Asking her to choose between her family and her boyfriend will only make things worse.
She’d feel you are trying to control her, which will further push her away.
More so, she’s more likely to choose her boyfriend anyway, so don’t put her in a difficult position to choose between people who are important to her.
If she’s an adult, she has the right to make her choices, and you have to respect her choice, no matter how much you hate it.
Hopefully, she’ll come to her senses, if you are right.
8. Focus on your own relationship with your daughter
Instead of focusing on what your daughter is doing wrong, focus on strengthening your own relationship with her.
You may not be able to control her relationship decisions, but there are things you can control—your relationship with her.
So, focus on the choices that you can influence.
Focus on doing things together that remind her why she loves being with you, whether it’s going out for dinner or watching a movie together at home.
And, don’t forget to tell her how much you love her.
She needs to hear it now more than ever.
Love always wins.
9. Offer up new opportunities for family time
One way to try to bring your daughter back into the fold is by offering up new opportunities for family time.
Do something that she loves to do or try something new together.
The goal is to create happy memories and experiences that will remind her of how much fun she has with her family.
10. Consider family counseling
If you’re struggling to repair your relationship with your daughter, you might consider family counseling.
A counselor can help you communicate better as a family and work through any unresolved issues.
This is an extreme measure, but it might be necessary if all other attempts have failed.
11. Pray for her
I say without an iota of doubt that praying for your daughter is the best thing you can do in this situation.
As a Christian, I believe the spiritual controls the physical.
Prayer will not only give you the strength and peace you need at this time, but it’ll give you the wisdom you need to handle this tough situation.
So, remember to pray for your daughter no matter what you do.
Pray that she will make the right decisions, be happy and safe, and always know how much her family loves her.
It’s not easy to see your daughter making choices that you don’t agree with.
But, with prayer, you can find the strength to get through it.
It hurts when your daughter chooses boyfriend over family.
She’s choosing someone else over you — and that’s tough to swallow.
She has made her choice but remind yourself that she will outgrow this boyfriend if he is not right for her.
Patience is a virtue, and time helps heal all wounds.
With these eleven tips, things will surely end in praise.