Why am I obsessed with my boyfriend?
I have always opined that the statement “I can’t do without you” should only be a flattery statement one says to their lover.
You shouldn’t mean it beyond the intention to flatter.
Life could be hard without them, but the mindset that you can’t do without your partner appears obsessive and unhealthy to me.
Obsessive behavior can definitely involve actions as well as thoughts.
People with obsessive tendencies often engage in “checking behaviors,” where they obsessively check on their partner or their relationship.
For example, if you surreptitiously check your partner’s social media or text messages or you ask friends or family members for updates about your boyfriend, this can become a self-perpetuating cycle where the more you check, the more anxious you feel, and the more you feel the need to check again.
Then, it becomes an obsessive pattern.
Why Am I Obsessed With My Boyfriend? 7 Reasons
He is your first love
First love can be quite magical!
I recall how I habitually daydreamed about the future family I desired to build with my first love.
The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.
The experience of falling in love for the first time can be very intense and overwhelming.
The brain releases a flood of hormones, including dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.
This can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors as the person tries to navigate these intense feelings and emotions.
Additionally, the lack of experience with love and relationships can make it difficult to regulate and manage these feelings in a healthy way.
The relationship is still young
One way to think about this is to consider the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship.
During this phase, the brain is flooded with feel-good hormones, and the couple is often consumed by thoughts and feelings of love and infatuation.
This can lead to what appears to be an obsessive focus on your boyfriend, but it’s actually just the result of these powerful emotions and hormones.
Over time, the intensity of these feelings will subside, and you both will settle into a more realistic and sustainable way of relating to each other.
It’s completely normal to feel intensely attracted to and focused on your new boyfriend.
The feelings of infatuation and the “honeymoon phase” can be very strong.
But it’s important to remember that this phase is temporary, and it’s not a good time to make major life decisions or rush into anything too quickly.
It’s okay to enjoy the ride, but it’s essential to take things slowly and not get too carried away.
With time, the relationship will settle into a more balanced and stable phase, and you can make decisions from a place of calm and clarity.
You have low self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem, you might feel like you’re not good enough for your boyfriend and that he could easily leave you.
This can lead to a lot of anxiety, and you might feel the need to prove yourself to him constantly.
You might also feel like you need to constantly monitor your behavior and appearance to make sure you’re doing everything right.
All of this can be really stressful and lead to obsession.
When someone has low self-esteem, they tend to have a negative view of themselves.
They might feel like they’re not good enough or unworthy of love.
This can lead to obsessive thoughts about their partner and the relationship.
They might constantly doubt their partner’s feelings, wondering if they really love them or if they’ll ever be good enough for them.
They might also constantly compare themselves to their partner’s exes or other people, leading to insecurity and jealousy.
If this is you, a lot of work is required on your self-esteem.
You are battling with your insecurities
Insecurities can also lead to obsessive behavior.
If you’re insecure in your relationship, you might feel the need to constantly check in with your boyfriend to make sure he’s still interested in you.
You might also have a hard time trusting him, and you might be constantly looking for signs that he’s not committed to you.
Insecurities can also cause you to overthink things and make you paranoid about your boyfriend’s feelings.
All of this can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors.
You are struggling with anxiety issues
Anxiety can manifest in many different ways, but one common symptom is obsessiveness.
People with anxiety often have racing thoughts and find it hard to relax and let go of worries.
When it comes to relationships, this can lead to obsessive thinking about the relationship and your partner.
You might have intrusive thoughts about your partner leaving you or being unfaithful, even if there’s no evidence to support these fears.
You might also have a hard time being present in the moment and enjoying the relationship because you’re so worried about the future.
All of this can lead to obsessive behavior.
6. You have PTSD
Your obsession with your boyfriend could also be a result of a childhood traumatic experience.
Childhood trauma can have a big impact on how a person develops emotionally and how they relate to others.
If you experienced neglect, abandonment, or abuse, you may develop a sense of insecurity and distrust.
It’s like a sort of emotional scar that can affect your current behavior.
If you had a parent who was emotionally distant or neglectful, that can affect how you relate to others in the present.
It’s like you’re playing out the patterns you learned from childhood in your adult relationships.
This can lead to anxious attachment styles now that you are an adult, which can manifest as obsession or clinginess.
It’s important to understand that this is not a conscious choice or behavior but rather a result of the brain’s adaptive response to the trauma of the experiences you have been through.
It’s not your fault, but you sure need the help of a therapist to overcome this.
You’ve been unlucky with your past relationships
If you’ve been hurt or betrayed in a past relationship, that can make you more likely to be insecure and obsessed in your current relationship.
This may be why you are being overly vigilant and protective and becoming obsessive.
You may constantly be worrying about the relationship ending or your boyfriend leaving you.
This can be especially true if you were abandoned or betrayed.
In this case, it’s vital for you to work on healing from your past experiences and building trust in the present relationship.
You are not your thoughts or your actions.
But both of those things are within your control.
You have the power to change how you think and act to have a healthy relationship.
This process might take time and effort, but it’s ultimately worth it.
And don’t forget that it’s okay to ask for help if needed.
There is no shame in admitting you need support overcoming obsessive patterns.
In fact, it’s a sign of strength and self-awareness to recognize when you need help.
It would help if you remembered that being obsessed about a relationship lasting or your boyfriend leaving you does not solve anything.
And if it so happens, it does not mean you are an incomplete woman or that you are done for.
It’s best to focus on getting into a healthy and loving relationship rather than just worrying about the end result.
After all, you can’t control the future, but you can control your actions and behaviors in the present; that’s what really matters.
By focusing on the process, you’ll build a stronger foundation for the relationship, no matter what the future holds.