Why do I attract narcissists?
A narcissist is often full of grandiose ideas and fantasies, as they believe they are superior to others.
This can lead them to be arrogant and demanding in their relationships with others, as they expect admiration and special treatment.
They may also be very manipulative to get what they want from others.
Narcissistic people are often very jealous and envious of others, believing they deserve more than they actually do.
They may also be quick to anger and even become violent when they feel slighted or threatened.
Living with a narcissist can be difficult and exhausting, as their self-centered behavior often leaves others feeling invisible, unimportant, and unheard.
Can you relate already, and you keep asking, ”Why do I attract narcissists?”
If you’ve found yourself in the same patterns of attracting narcissists, you may be wondering why.
Narcissists have a way of drawing people in to feed their egos, and it can be hard to break free.
Understanding why you attract narcissistic partners can help you identify red flags earlier on and protect yourself from future relationships with them.
Here are 10 reasons why you attract narcissists.
Why Do I Attract Narcissists?
1. You Have Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem may find themselves drawn to narcissists because they need someone else’s validation to feel good about themselves.
This is especially true if the person has been conditioned through past relationships or family dynamics to believe they are not worthy of love or attention without being validated by another person.
This creates a cycle where the narcissist takes advantage of this need for validation and makes them dependent on them for their self-worth.
2. You Empathize Easily
Empathy is a great quality in relationships, but it can also make someone vulnerable to manipulation from narcissists.
Empathic people tend to look at the world from other people’s perspectives and put themselves in their shoes so they can understand how they can feel better.
This makes them more likely to forgive even if someone mistreats them because they understand why the person did what they did.
Narcissists prey on this tendency by using their ability to charm and manipulate others into believing that their behavior is justified, causing an empathic person to stay longer than necessary in an unhealthy relationship before realizing that it isn’t helping either of them grow or progress as individuals or as a couple.
3. You’re Too Nice
Being kindhearted is a wonderful trait, but sometimes being too nice can make someone susceptible to being taken advantage of by a narcissistic partner.
When someone goes out of their way to please another person without expecting anything in return, they become an easy target for people who don’t have the same moral code as them and will take advantage of their kindness until there’s nothing left for them to give anymore.
Also, when someone gives too much too soon, it can cause a false sense of security between the two parties, which can create an environment where one partner feels entitled and privileged while leaving the other feeling unappreciated and taken for granted over time as boundaries become blurred or nonexistent altogether.
Be kind, but not be naive.
4. You Need Love & Affection
Everyone needs love and affection from time to time; however, some people may mistake attention for love if they haven’t experienced genuine connections with others in the past due to trauma, abandonment issues, etc.
As a result, these individuals may mistake attention from a narcissistic partner as “love” without realizing that there’s usually something deeper underlying this relationship dynamic such as control or manipulation.
Attention isn’t always love.
5. You Don’t Know Your Worth
When someone doesn’t know their own worth, they’ll often seek out relationships with people who won’t value them as much as they should be valued.
Narcissists are masters at manipulation and can easily convince someone that they don’t deserve better than what they’re getting, which can lead to someone staying in an unhealthy relationship for far too long without even realizing it.
Everyone has value, and no one should ever stay in a relationship if they feel something is off or wrong.
6. You Don’t Speak Up For Yourself
Sometimes, people in relationships with narcissists don’t speak up for themselves out of fear or fear of being heard.
This can allow the narcissist to take control of the situation and manipulate the victim into believing that their opinion doesn’t matter – when in truth, it does.
If you prefer silence to speaking up for yourself, you may inadvertently leave the door open for a narcissistic partner to take advantage of you and your inability to stand up for yourself.
7. You Lack Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are a must if you want a successful relationship with someone.
You need to know and let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable in terms of communication, behavior, and respect.
Without these boundaries in place, a narcissist can take advantage of you by making them feel as though you have no say in the relationship and that your opinion doesn’t matter.
Having healthy boundaries will also help protect you from any emotional or mental abuse that may occur during the relationship, so it’s crucial to establish these before entering into one with a narcissistic partner.
8. You Don’t Know How A Healthy Relationship Should Be
If you’ve experienced a previous, healthy relationship or have seen what one should look like, it can be easier to recognize the signs of a relationship with a narcissistic partner.
By understanding what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, you’ll be better equipped to spot any potential red flags or issues that may arise during your relationship with a narcissist and take the necessary steps to end it before it becomes toxic.
But all you’ve known is unhealthy relationships, especially from childhood, you might be attracted to the familiar dynamics of an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic partner without realizing it.
How To Stop Attracting Narcissists
Now that you know some of the common reasons you might be attracting narcissists, you can work on changing these patterns and behaviors so that you can have more successful relationships with healthier partners.
Here are some tips to help get started:
1. Understand Your Needs
Take some time to really understand what your needs are and how you can get them met in a healthy way.
Do you need love?
Do you lack healthy self-esteem and need to work on your confidence?
Do you need to be more independent and self-assured?
By understanding your needs, you can work on fulfilling them in a healthy way and won’t be as likely to attract narcissists.
2. Don’t Settle For Less Than You Deserve
Sometimes, people in relationships with narcissists don’t speak up for themselves out of fear or fear of being heard – don’t do this.
You deserve to be respected and valued, so strive for a relationship with someone who will provide that.
Your opinions and feelings matter!
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Know what type of behaviors you’re willing to accept, and those that you’re not.
Clearly communicate these boundaries with potential partners, so they know exactly where they stand with you and don’t be afraid to leave the relationship if they cross your boundaries.
4. Practice Self-Love
One of the best ways to avoid attracting narcissists is to practice self-love.
Build up your self-esteem and have a good understanding of who you are and what you’re worth.
Do activities that make you happy, treat yourself to something nice, or spend time with people who love and support you.
This will help strengthen your self-worth, which in turn can help protect you from attracting narcissists.
5. Surround Yourself With Smart People Who Can Advise You
Having people in your life who can give good advice and make sure you’re making smart decisions is important.
Narcissists thrive on manipulation, so having a trusted group of people who can help you recognize if someone is trying to use or manipulate you is essential.
By following these tips, you can start to break the cycle of attracting narcissists and have healthier, more successful relationships.
It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it in the end!
