Marriage is a place of learning; if you are willing and open-minded enough, you will learn, grow, and change for the better.
We cannot act beyond the level of our knowledge, so knowing some hard realities has made me enjoy more peace and happiness in my marriage.
Here are things I realized that made me a happier, better, and more peaceful wife:
10 Things I Realized That Made Me a Happier and Better Wife
1. My husband cannot meet all my needs
I know, right?
It sounds like something out of a bad rom-com.
But it’s true!
I’ve realized that my husband can’t meet all my needs, and that’s okay.
Really, no one can meet every one of your needs, not even the man you love or that loves you so much.
If they could, then we wouldn’t need anything else in life.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections, and sometimes those imperfections are exactly what make them perfect for you.
Dear wife, the earlier you understand that your husband cannot meet ALL your needs, the happier you’d be.
He’s a human being just like you.
Imagine if he expects you to meet all his needs too.
Imagine the kind of pressure you’d be under.
What matters is whether or not you’re happy with each other and can communicate about everything else.
And that doesn’t mean having your partner do everything for you; it means being able to talk through issues with them when they arise and helping each other grow as people together.
2. I realized that money is critical to a successful family, and this has made me take finances seriously
The first time I started to realize how important money was to my happiness was when I was in college.
My parents were working hard to provide for me and my siblings, but they couldn’t always give us everything we wanted.
They would tell us that they would “get us something,” but then we would find out later that they couldn’t afford it.
I don’t ever want my kids to experience this.
As an adult, I now understand that money doesn’t always buy happiness—but it can help reduce stress and make life easier.
Without money, we will not be able to afford our needs or our wants.
We would not be able to buy food and clothing for the kids, pay for their education, or even take them on a vacation.
I realized that having money is very important in being able to achieve our goals and dreams as a family.
This makes me take finances seriously.
I love working because I’m fulfilled to contribute to my family financially.
I also enjoy being able to afford my needs without bothering my husband.
I mean no disrespect to women who have to depend on their spouses for financial support.
As long as it’s their choice, it’s fine.
Just speaking for myself.
3. That I don’t have to say everything that comes to my mind during an argument
There are so many times when we argue, and we’re like, “I’m just going to say every single thing that’s on my mind right now.”
And then it just turns into this big mess of a conversation where nothing gets resolved, and we’re both just hurt and angry instead of working together to figure out what’s going on.
But by taking a step back and thinking about what I’m going to say before I start talking, I can keep the conversation focused on what matters most: getting things worked out so we can move forward as a couple.
It also helps me stay calm and avoid saying things in anger that would only make things worse.
No kidding, this has helped my marriage in no small way.
4. My husband will not always make me happy
I mean, you would think that a marriage is supposed to be this thing where you’re with someone who makes your life better every single day, but the truth is that’s just not how it works.
Sometimes, even if you love your partner so much that it hurts, they can still disappoint you.
It’s hard to accept this truth—but once I did, it made me a happier and better wife.
When we get married, we expect our partners to make us feel good all the time—and when they don’t do that for us, it can be devastating.
Your husband will and should make you happy, but he won’t always.
Your happiness is your responsibility.
Take responsibility for it.
Find ways to cheer yourself up.
5. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public, especially on social media
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been with a friend, and they’re talking about their husband, and they make a comment like “Oh, he’s being such an ass today” or “he’s so lazy,” and I’m sitting there thinking “oh no, don’t spread those words around!”
And then I realized that it doesn’t matter if you’re talking to your best friend or just someone in the checkout line at the grocery store—it’s not okay to air your dirty laundry in public.
The truth is, people don’t forget, even when you’ve forgotten what you have told them.
Your family and friends, especially, won’t forgive your husband for hurting you even if you have forgiven him.
Plus, they’ll lose every respect for him, and you don’t want that.
6. The grass is not greener on the other side
I know some people believe the grass is greener on the other side, but it is not true.
The grass is greener where you water it.
Acknowledging this has made me more committed to watering and nurturing my relationship with my spouse.
This has also brought me much joy and peace as a wife.
7. We are evolving
One constant thing in life is change, and this is true even in the context of marriage.
I am evolving, and so is my husband.
Coming to terms with this is refreshing.
Marriage is a lifetime of learning, and it is said that “the moment you stop learning, you stop living.”
Humans generally like the idea of “perfect” persons, but such persons do not exist except in our imaginations.
I am a work in progress, and so is my husband.
As we continue to journey, we keep getting better and building a stronger bond.
Because I am not expecting my spouse to be perfect, it is easy for me to forgive.
It has made me happier because my focus is on our growth process and how we are both evolving to become better people.
8. Every marriage is unique
There are so many marriage advice and ideologies out there, and it could almost get confusing.
However, realizing that every marriage is unique is such a relief!
Marriage is not a one size fits it all journey; it is a relationship built on agreed values and principles.
This means that what works for one person may not work for another.
Ultimately, what matters is that my spouse and I are aligned in purpose and values.
My marriage is unique, and it is okay to just do us and stick to what works for us.
9. Knowing my worth
Societally, wives are regarded as a third wheel, but knowing your value as a wife is important.
You are not a slave but a significant contributor to the society.
One of the primary agents of socialization is the family, and that is where children who will grow to become socially responsible adults are built.
As a wife, I am valuable, and I bring a lot of value to the table.
I don’t have to bow to societal expectations, but I can live true to my authentic self and in the assurance of my worth.
My happiness is not hinged on my husband, what I can amass, or even what’s trending online.
Dear wife, knowing your worth will make you look within for happiness.
It will bring you to a place of peace and joy where you are free to live your bedazzled life.
10. Prioritizing self-care
It takes a full cup to fill up others.
I deserve to take care of myself, and I don’t have to wait for others to do that for me.
I value myself enough to rest and do the things that refreshes me.
Sometimes women are neck-deep in work, shuttling between their family and work or businesses while putting themselves last.
I have learned to treat myself right.
It will be absolutely dishonoring for me to work myself to a breakdown or ignore inward signals to rest until I get burnt out.
Self-care means different things to different people; to some, it is a spa treatment; to others, it is some uninterrupted sleep; to some, it is a manicure; to some, it is a solo weekend getaway or a vacation with friends.
Whatever self-care means, I speak that language to myself frequently.
It makes me a better and happier wife.
What have you learned that made you a happier wife?