This topic is quite a sensitive one for me because, as a Christian, my faith does not subscribe to premarital sex, but the fact that I do not subscribe to it does not invalidate my answering questions on it.
Talking about when to sleep with a guy you met online is bringing up the timing of your intimacy with this prospective partner.
If you have been in the dating world for some time, you’d agree with me that it is a mess out there.
It is so exhilarating, especially with the different species and kinds of people you meet at every interval.
The moment you think you have seen it all, a bigger surprise is sprung up on you by nature.
You meet someone you are physically attracted to, and the chemistry is nonexistent.
You meet the one who likes you, but he doesn’t tick your boxes.
You meet the one that ticks your boxes and even vibes with you on the same level, but he has commitment issues.
Having met all of these categories of men, you then decide to live in the moment, not focusing on anything in the future but yourself.
You get on a dating app, or somehow you meet with this guy virtually that sums it up for you, and then you’ve decided to meet physically.
At that point, you know your hormones are high up there, and you want some action probably borne out of your fantasy or the conversations you have had over time.
However, one part of your mind nudges you to ask if it is not too early to sleep with a guy you met online.
Before I delve into when you should sleep with a guy you met online, let’s get down to some basics that should have been covered before you got to this point.
Things To Know Before You Do The Do
1. Trust and Connection
The first thing I will be broaching is the subject of trust and connection.
You must have gotten to know this person, at least on a basic level, before considering jumping into bed with him.
This is not just about his biodata or resume kind of knowledge.
You must be able to answer certain questions about him if you plan to be intimate with him.
You can’t jump into bed with someone you know next to nothing about, especially if it is not a hookup or a one-night stand.
You have to go through the process of establishing a connection by sharing details about each other.
Resist the urge to fast-track things to the bedroom.
I know this sounds cliche, but trust is not built in a day.
Explore shared experiences and mutual interests.
Talk about fond memories and what makes you who you are.
Share the things that light up your eyes or raise your antennas.
Lead the way by being open with your quirks and strike a balance with your vulnerability.
Observe if this is reciprocated before you go all the way in.
2. Safety
You might have established the fact that mutual trust and connection exist in your relationship, but you cannot be too sure, so verify identities.
Double-check and validate with various socials.
Also, when picking a dating platform, stick to reputable platforms.
Another thing you should always pay attention to is your instincts.
Before you get all in each other’s face intimately, meet in a public space.
And if you’re meeting him indoors, do well to subtly make him know people know where you are by making calls to friends or trusted persons while in his space.
Having addressed trust, connection, and safety as the basics of the existing connection you share, let’s move on to deeper things.
3. Emotional Readiness
You need to understand your feelings and be sure that you are emotionally ready for the rollercoaster that comes with intimacy, especially in a situation like this.
You will have to do a lot of navigation, as well as validating and revalidation of your choice.
You will have moments of reflection where you will struggle with this decision, and you won’t have a lot of time to deliberate on it because it will be a yes or no thing at that point.
Before you get to that point, I will encourage you to embrace communication.
Put your expectations to rest and know what he wants out of the relationship.
Also, put your guessing games aside.
Discuss what you want with him and how you want it.
Lay the cards on the table and know what you both have.
It’s OK not to have it all figured out, but you know where you stand in your lives, and you will limit undue expectations of each other.
You will understand your goals for being together and your dating destination, that is, if honesty is dealt with in your communication.
This will help you know if you’re on the same page or if either of you is willing to compromise on their stand.
And if it happens that you’re on the same page, communication will help you build the emotions that lead up to the end you have in mind.
You won’t be left wondering where he stands or where you stand in the relationship.
You know if he is there for the thrill and just enjoy the moment as it comes, or you’re in it for the long haul.
That way, you know what your choices are and what your partner’s choices are.
This knowledge will help you understand and respect these choices better and also tune your relationship right.
Having established the various grounds you should have covered in the knowing-each-other phase of your online relationship, which you’ve probably translated to a physical one at this point, let’s talk about the main thing:
When To Sleep With A Guy You Met Online?
There is no hard or fast rule to the game of bedmatics.
It is all dependent on what you have established at the onset of the virtual link-up.
Sleep with them whenever it feels right for you.
Just don’t assume it will mean they want “a relationship” if you are not on the same page with them from the onset.
I read something along the lines of if you can’t handle the thought of them walking away, ghosting, losing interest after doing the do, then don’t do the do.
There’s no right or wrong timeline.
It is your choice, your rules, and you can apply them how you deem fit.
Whether you’re taking it slow, like a waltz, or you’re being spontaneous about it, just be sure you’re both on the same page with your partner.
Many will say sex on a first date is wrong from a moralistic point of view and will not get you a committed man.
Another school of thought says sex on the first date is what gets and keeps the man.
In all you do, make sure there is express consent from your partner and not just based on vibes.
The consent must be mutual and clear.
And if your religion and morals do not allow sex before marriage, honor your convictions.
Don’t compromise out of fear, pressure, or desperation.
Going forward, keep the lines of communication open if you want to keep the act going.
Relationships evolve over time, and I believe the best way to notice this is in your dialogue.
How you will keep up is with your constant communication and staying true to yourself while at it.