One of the wildest dating experiences I had in my dating phase as a young woman was with a guy I met at the beach.
This guy was a nice guy who seemed perfect, well, at first.
We hit off on a good note, having great conversations and hanging out often.
I liked him and was beginning to fall in love with him.
I thought he felt the same way because he told me he did, but I was wrong!
I’ll save your time and just tell you that he, in fact, didn’t love me and was just pretending to so he could keep manipulating and exploiting me for his selfish gain.
Being genuinely loved by someone is one of the most beautiful things in life, but sadly, many things can mimic love.
What I mean is that certain things a guy does to or for you may look like love, but they’re not.
And it’s in your best interest to be able to point out the lies early to avoid being in very devastating situations.
If a guy is pretending to love you, there will always be cracks in his act.
8 Signs He Is Pretending To Love You
1. He shows up only when it’s convenient or when he’s in need
To be honest, this is not a sign you’d likely notice early; it may take some time.
At first, it’ll seem normal; y’all are hanging out, talking, having fun, and having a great time.
You reach out to him sometimes when you really need a friend or need help, but he can’t show up because he has other things to do.
But when he needs you, you’re always there for him; he doesn’t even give you the liberty to decide whether to be there or not because he’ll almost force you.
But try to push him out of his schedule or comfort zone to help you, and he’ll come up with a truckload of excuses to dish out.
That’s not love.
Even if he gives you a thousand kisses and “I love you’s” afterward, you’ll be right to question them.
You have every right to doubt and scrutinize a love that only shows up or suddenly becomes caring and attentive only when a favor is needed.
2. His behavior is inconsistent
My sister had a phone once that was as unstable as the wind.
Today, the phone is normal and acting okay, and she can make calls and do important stuff with it.
But tomorrow, the story is different; the phone can just decide to be unresponsive and go off by itself.
She knew it was broken inside, and she needed to get rid of it and get another one, but she kept postponing it because she was emotionally attached to the phone, which was a birthday present from our mum years ago.
Well, I didn’t have to advise her for long because she got stranded one night and needed to call for help, but the phone decided it needed a nap, a very long one.
After that incident, she threw the phone away as quickly as a child would throw a surprise spider you placed on his hand and got a functional phone.
This on-and-off behavior is not restricted to phones; it’s the MO of fake lovers, too.
That’s why I always tell my girls that identifying a love fraud is not rocket science; sometimes, you just need to pay attention.
No matter how smooth he is at lying, he’ll become inconsistent at some point.
One day, he’s all over you, calling and texting; the next, he disappears or acts uninterested in you.
You’ll be wondering what you did wrong or trying to make excuses for him.
The mental gymnastics never end with guys like this.
You may find that he’s not putting effort into the relationship; you’re the one always planning dates, calling first, or trying to make things work while he’s passive.
Let me save you the stress; he’s not really in love.
3. He keeps you in a situationship
“What are we?”
If you’ve had to ask him this question more than once, Girl, you’ve overstayed your welcome.
That guy is a time-waster.
Guys like that hardly ever talk about long-term plans with you, or they change the topic when you bring it up.
Talking about love, commitment, and exclusivity is like hitting them with a rod; they can get uncomfortable and even irritated.
They may not be bad people; they’re just not in love.
If you’re always wondering where you stand in his life because he hides you, never introduces you to the important people in his life, or introduces you as “a friend”, and only shows you “love” in private, you’d be very right to believe that he’s not in love.
Love is not shy or unsure; it’s very bold and confident.
So you can conclude that a guy who’s always telling you, “Let’s just go with the flow,” instead of defining the relationship, is a fake lover.
4. He’s not accountable
I always tell ladies that dating a guy who doesn’t listen to anyone is a disaster waiting to happen.
As human beings, even as adults, we need to show responsibility and accountability.
A guy who gets all defensive instead of admitting that he’s wrong and resolving conflicts is a red flag.
If he’s not reasonable – you can’t communicate your reservations with him and expect him to reason with you, he’d rather make you feel like you’re the problem for even complaining, that’s a man who doesn’t love you.
Or maybe he listens to you but doesn’t listen to anyone else—not his friends, parents, bosses, pastors, or leaders. Even when they have valid points, this is still a red flag.
Because one day, he’ll turn those deaf ears your way.
5. He doesn’t prioritize you
Where your treasure is, there will your heart be.
You know people’s affections are set by the things that come first in their lives.
When a man is in love, it shows in his decisions and priorities.
The woman knows she’s loved because he puts her first.
If you’re experiencing the opposite of this, then you have an idea of where you stand.
You always come second (or third, or fourth), not because he has life-threatening issues or emergencies to handle but just because he puts his friends, work, hobbies, and even random plans above you.
The things taking precedence over you have his heart more than you do, and that’s not a man in love with you.
6. He doesn’t connect with you deeply
If you’re a person of depth, you’ll be able to tell the difference between when someone is actually connecting with you and when they’re just surface friends.
A surface friend is only concerned about superficial things like having fun together, getting physically involved, and spending money.
They don’t connect or find ways to relate with you on levels deeper than just basic stuff.
A guy like that is probably not in love with you.
He doesn’t talk about problems; he just wants to touch you.
When you bring up issues, he just withdraws, ghosts you for days, or acts like nothing happened.
And when you question his behavior, instead of reassuring you, he makes you feel like you’re overreacting for expecting love and effort.
That’s gaslighting, and I don’t mean to be mean, but Girl, throw that man away.
7. He doesn’t care about you
Have you seen a guy around a woman he loves?
The affection is undeniable.
Thirty-five years into marriage, and I still thank God daily for the husband he gave me.
The care, intentionality, and affection he shows are second to none.
He understands me, is patient with me, and supports me.
That’s what love looks like.
But these days, a guy can claim to love you yet show glaring or even subtle signs that he doesn’t care about your feelings.
When you’re upset, he brushes it off or gets annoyed instead of comforting you.
He doesn’t do thoughtful things for you; all he has to offer is words and more words, never action.
He never remembers important dates, doesn’t check up on you, or doesn’t go out of his way for you.
That man is a walking red flag.
Sometimes, the signs may be subtle, so you need to pay attention and also trust your intuition.
If you constantly feel anxious, confused, or like you have to prove yourself, your gut may be telling you that that guy may not truly love you.
Love is meant to bring peace.
So if your instincts keep telling you something is off or deep down, you feel like he doesn’t truly love you, but you keep making excuses for his behavior, maybe it’s time for you to pause and reevaluate.
If a man loves you, there’ll be no doubts in your heart about it.
You will feel the care and support.
He won’t be emotionally unstable or unavailable, never opening up, or avoiding serious topics with you.
He’ll be concerned about what makes you happy because he’s invested in you.
That’s the language of love.
8. He flirts with other women
Nothing tells you a man is a love fraud like him showing you some level of love and commitment and still entertaining other women.
It’s a clear sign that he doesn’t love you, and it also shows that he doesn’t respect you.
A man who is in love will have his eyes on you alone, not because you’re the most beautiful girl in the world but because you are in his heart, and he values you and wants to be with you.
Flirting with other ladies, texting them inappropriately, or hanging around them because he wants to keep his options open just tells you that he’s not committed.
He’s not sure about you, and he’s not serious.
The earlier you can detect a love that is not genuine, the better.
Detecting it helps you focus on better things and open the doors for real love.
If you’re seeing multiple signs from this list in guy, it’s time to be honest with yourself.
A man who truly loves you will be consistent, intentional, and make you feel secure, not confused.