I remember when I got pregnant with my daughter and was bedridden throughout the whole first trimester, one of the thoughts that occurred to me was, ”Why didn’t anyone tell me pregnancy would be this hard?”
I felt betrayed by my mom, my friends who had kids, and every book or blog I had read about pregnancy.
They all seemed to sugarcoat the experience, making it seem like a walk in the park.
So, I had always envisioned pregnancy as a beautiful and glowing experience, but the reality was far from it.
I know some women are fortunate to have easy pregnancies, but for many of us, the physical and emotional toll it takes is not discussed enough.
But looking back, I realized that the mothers I knew and the books and blogs I’d read weren’t intentionally lying to me.
It’s just that we tend to romanticize certain aspects of life, especially marriage.
So, just like pregnancy, marriage is often portrayed in a certain light that may not necessarily reflect its true nature.
Sure, getting married can bring feelings of joy and happiness, but it’s not always as simple as walking down the aisle and riding off into the sunset.
Here, I’ll be breaking down the biggest lies you’ve probably heard (or believed) about marriage.
Whether you’re newly married, a seasoned pro, or even just thinking about tying the knot one day, understanding these myths will help you approach marriage with a realistic mindset.
Let’s get honest about what marriage is and what it isn’t.
6 Biggest Lies Everyone Believes About Marriage
1. Marriage Will Always Make You Happy
As I wrote in my intro, marriage can bring plenty of happiness; isn’t that why we marry?
To become happier and share our happiness with the love of our lives.
But the truth is, marriage is not an automatic happiness button.
Many people believe that once they say “I do,” happiness will follow them everywhere, as seen in movies where everything falls into place after the wedding.
Marriage, just like life, is full of ups and downs.
Marriage doesn’t fix everything.
No magic happens on the altar.
If you’re feeling unhappy, insecure, or incomplete, those feelings won’t disappear when you get married.
In fact, sometimes marriage magnifies them.
Because now, you’re not just dealing with your own emotions; you’re doing life with another person who has their own issues.
So, believing that marriage is supposed to always make you happy will set you up for disappointment.
When you hit tough times, you might wonder, “Did I make a mistake?”
Yet those tough times are normal.
A good marriage is built on how you work through those moments, not on the idea that it will always be easy or perfect.
2. You’ll Never Feel Lonely
As I write this, my husband and I are far away from each other, and it can get lonely at times.
That’s the reality of life.
Even in a committed, loving marriage, there will be moments when you feel lonely.
So, one of the most common myths people believe is that once you’re married, you’ll never feel lonely again.
The idea is that having a partner automatically means you always have someone to talk to, hang out with, or binge-watch your favorite shows.
Loneliness doesn’t magically disappear just because you’ve tied the knot.
Yeah, your spouse can be your best friend and your go-to person, but there are still moments when you’ll feel alone.
Maybe they’re working late, traveling for work, or just in a different mental space.
Life can get busy, and you both might be juggling careers, kids, and a million other responsibilities that leave little room for quality connection.
Reality check, love.
Being married doesn’t make you immune to feeling alone.
Marriage is a partnership, but it’s not a 24/7 emotional connection on demand.
3. Love Is Enough
One of the most tragic things that can happen to anyone is to marry someone they don’t love.
So yeah, love is definitely essential in a marriage.
But is it enough?
No, not always.
Love can bring two people together and give them the foundation to build a life together, but it takes more than love to make a marriage work.
It takes communication, respect, compromise, trust, and commitment.
When challenges arise (and they will), love might help you get through the tough times, but it’s those other skills that keep the relationship strong.
For example, love won’t stop the frustration when you and your spouse disagree on important decisions, like finances or parenting styles.
And love definitely won’t help you figure out who should do the dishes after a long day.
What will?
Communication, compromise, thoughtfulness, and understanding.
4. Good Marriages Don’t Have Problems
When we see good marriages, we imagine couples who never argue and who are always happy and in love.
Oh well… I have always believed that unless you’re part of a couple, you can’t truly understand what’s happening inside a marriage.
You can’t see the moments of frustration, disagreements, and compromises behind closed doors.
Good marriages are not without problems.
Trust me, there will be times when you doubt your love for your partner or question if this is really the right person for you.
And it’s simply inevitable when two individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, beliefs, likes, and dislikes come together in a relationship.
The difference is that in a good marriage, both partners have learned how to handle these problems in a way that strengthens their marriage.
5. Having Kids Will Strengthen Your Marriage
There seems to be a growing number of young people and even couples who want to stay child-free.
Can you really blame them?
These days, people have taken to social media to show the less-glamorous side of parenting….the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and constant chaos.
I have two young kids myself, and I can tell you for free that parenting is not all rainbows and unicorns, even when you want and plan for it.
However, I must confess that kids are a blessing, even though they are hard work.
Children bring joy and laughter into a home.
Good things don’t always come easy, and raising kids is no exception.
That said, it’s a big lie to think that having kids will strengthen a marriage or make it last longer.
In fact, if you are not careful, having children can increase the likelihood of divorce.
It’s not hard to understand why.
Children bring a lot of responsibilities and stress into a relationship.
Sleepless nights, constant feedings, financial strain, tantrums, school runs, disagreements on parenting styles, and everything in between can damage even the strongest marriages.
Add to that the lack of privacy and alone time that comes with having little ones constantly demanding attention.
The romance and personal time you once enjoyed as a couple can easily be overshadowed by diapers, homework, and keeping the kids entertained.
And when both parents are sleep-deprived and stressed, minor issues can turn into major conflicts.
6. If It’s Hard, It Means It’s Not Meant to Be
I’m not saying you should stay married even when your life is at stake, but giving up at the first sign of hardship is not the answer.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’d married the right person, especially when things get tough.
But there are times when I look at my man and am just thankful to God for the gift of him.
That’s marriage for you.
It’s sweet, but it’s not always easy.
And that’s okay because nothing worth having comes without some level of challenge and effort.
So, the idea that marriage will always be sweet and that when it’s not, your marriage is in trouble is a lie.
Marriage is a commitment; like any other commitment, there will be challenges along the way.
As life gets hectic with work, kids, and other responsibilities, it’s easy to lose sight of the love and connection that brought you together in the first place.
But that doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.
It simply means you need to work harder to keep the flame alive.
So, just because things are difficult doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed.
We need to stop believing these six biggest lies about marriage.