When infidelity hits a marriage, it would feel like the whole world is ending, and their dreams for the union have been shattered.
This may not always be the case, depending on the circumstances surrounding them and their actions and inactions afterward.
I recently watched an interview with an elderly couple who shared their experience about infidelity many years earlier in their marriage and how they are still waxing strong, notwithstanding.
I must confess, I was initially quick to assume it was one of those marriages where the partners would boast about the long years of their marriage, even though one of the partners was willfully cheating while the other was enduring and praying that the cheating partner would one day change.
However, following through to the end of the interview was the best decision I made that day.
It was such an insightful watch.
Among many other lessons I learned from their real-life experience was that a marriage could survive infidelity, and the partners would have their marital bliss restored like it was never tampered with.
In connection to this lesson, also, is the fact that this survival does not come on a platter of gold for the affected couples.
This couple acknowledged the possibility but did not fail to admit that it was only possible under some conditions.
What signs may indicate that your marriage will also survive infidelity if such happens?
9 Signs Your Marriage Will Survive Infidelity
1. You eschew egoistic decisions
If only married couples would pay less attention to their ego and focus more on the best interest of the marriage, many issues would be non-existent.
Infidelity in marriage, a lot of times, could even be a result of egoistic decisions.
In order to fix the mess that has been made, it is best for both partners to subsequently make decisions that will be in the best interest of their union and not in the interest of their pride.
Marriage requires humility from both partners towards each other.
If not, there will consistently be clashes of ego.
They both have to eschew selfishness and constantly ask themselves before making decisions if their marriage will remain blissful afterward.
2. You do not cease to communicate
The moment communication completely ceases, the chances of a successful reconciliation are shortened.
No conflict can be resolved without proper communication.
Even if you are both at loggerheads, and you are still moving on the path of resolution; albeit slowly, you will get there.
If you can tolerate each other enough to air your angst still, disappointment, and displeasure toward each other, you are probably just in the raging storm phase, and the storm will calm down if things are properly managed.
3. The cheating partner is remorseful
There is no true reconciliation without admission and regret for the wrongful actions of the erring spouse.
If they are remorseful and do not complicate matters by weaving lies and defenses, the possibility of forgiveness becomes higher.
If they take steps to right their wrongs, it might be easier for the cheating partner to forgive and stay back to fight for the marriage.
4. Both party is willing to make it work
If both of you are fed up with the marriage, every action you take will likely be unfavorable for the sustainability of what is left of the marriage.
But if you both still want the marriage and are willing to make it work, you will likely be preoccupied with how to make it work.
If you are open to counseling, it is also a sign of willingness to make things work.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
5. You are vulnerable with each other
This is not the period to lock up your emotions towards each other.
Your marriage will likely survive infidelity if you are open and express your innermost feelings to each other.
Vulnerability is not a show of weakness as many seem to see it.
It is, in fact, the strength that will help you face this turbulent season in your marriage.
The cheating partner can only be willing to change if they are vulnerable enough to accept their faults and get help to do better.
The partner who is cheated on also needs to be vulnerable to express their hurt and recognise their shortcomings, which could have probably contributed to a missing desire for the other partner in the marriage.
These shortcomings do not justify the infidelity of their spouse.
However, they would be able to realise how things could be better in the marriage.
6. You speak each other’s love language
If it is no longer a practice, you need to revive speaking each other’s love languages and love your partner the way they want to be loved and not only how you choose to love them.
Actively seek to make each other feel loved.
This will reassure you both that there is still something to cling to.
When you both do this, it is a sign that the marriage will survive infidelity.
7. You get over apportioning blames
This may be inevitable, but it should not last forever.
When you both have gotten over throwing blame at each other but are now seeking solutions and a way forward, it is a good sign towards the survival of the marriage, despite all odds.
Each partner acknowledges their wrongs and seeks to do better, moving forward.
8. You do not bring up the past
If, in the process of trying to forge ahead, you both do not keep bringing up the past and opening up old wounds, your marriage is likely to survive.
When you both pick your lessons from the happenings in the past and you cease to judge each other by the past, it is easier to rebuild trust.
I do not mean to say that you will forget the past.
However, you should not keep throwing the part each person played at their face or blackmailing or haunting them emotionally.
Trust will not be rebuilt this way.
9. You seal up temptation loopholes
The holy scriptures say we should flee all appearances of evil.
This implies that prevention is the surest bet to help one stay faithful to one’s spouse.
It is time to full-proof your union against temptations to cheat on each other.
Either or both of you must have let your guards down initially to have allowed infidelity.
If, henceforth, you both elevate honesty and transparency, keep good company, and have a mutual understanding about any third-party interference, staying faithful becomes easier, and this is a good sign that your marriage will survive infidelity.
LAST THOUGHTS
In a marriage, surviving infidelity is hard but possible if both partners are willing to give it all it takes.
And it is important to note that staying with a serial cheat with the motive of surviving infidelity is not a wise decision.
A serial cheat has no modicum of respect for their partner.
However, in a marriage where the partners still have some level of respect for each other, they are likely to exhibit some of the signs above after an episode of infidelity.
Therefore, they are likely to pull through.