My Struggle With Timidity
Causes of Timidity
There are many causes of timidity, but I’ll share five basic ones with you.
Nature partially determines our personality, that is, genetics. So, timidity can be an inherited gene, and this explains why some children are naturally outspoken while some are reserved.
This is not anyone’s fault, as we don’t get to choose our genes.
I think for me, timidity was basically genetic. I grew up knowing I was shy. But the good news is that it’s not unchangeable.
Nurture is another factor that determines a person’s personality.
Remember the nature-nurture controversy? Yeah.
It refers to the environment of exposure, and it includes the family, school, and peer group.
A child who grows up in a family where the children’s opinions are respected and are allowed to express themselves is not likely to be as shy as a child who grows up in an inhibiting environment.
Planning group projects and group activities in school and encouraging students to be expressive will improve students’ social interaction.
#3 Fear of Failure
Excessive fear of failure and fear of not doing things right also leads to timidity.
Shy people are usually obsessed with the fear of saying the wrong thing, giving the wrong answer to a question, tripping while walking, forgetting their lines in a speech, laughing inappropriately in public or doing anything socially awkward that may lead to embarrassment.
They tend to avoid social situations because of this.
#4 Excessive self-consciousness
While a healthy dose of self-consciousness is crucial in social interactions, too much of it can lead to timidity.
Shy people are self-absorbed; they think that they are the object of everyone’s analysis, so they become so conscious of themselves, what they say and what they do.
#5 Lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem
This is another major cause of timidity. If you don’t have confidence in yourself/your abilities or you think low of yourself, maybe because of your unpleasant pasts, past failures, poverty, abuse, you may become timid and fearful of human interactions.
So how did I manage to deal with this limiting monster?
How I Overcame Shyness
#1 I wasn’t happy with my situation
I wanted to be better, and this is the first step to experiencing a change in any unpleasant situation you find yourself.
The desire for improvement gives you the motivation you need to take some other actions. You cannot experience a change in your comfort zone.
#2 Don’t expect a drastic change or a total personality transformation
Variety is the spice of life. Everyone cannot be sociable and outspoken. However, if shyness is robbing you of scarce life opportunities and meaningful relationships, then it’s a problem for you.
It’d shock you that many celebrities are shy in real life, but this doesn’t stop them from fulfilling their potentials, and that is the purpose of this article.
I’m still my introverted self. I’m more of a listener than a talker, except I’m teaching. Too much talk bores me. I’m probably not the type of person that would stand up to talk in a hall of a thousand people, but I’m no longer that girl that would shy away from meeting people, no matter how many they are.
There are still some gatherings that I can stand up to address, and timidity is not stopping me from putting some of my abilities to use. I wrote ‘some’ because I have some potentials that require a great deal of boldness to utilize. And I’m working on that.
#3 Engage in activities that will threaten your shyness
I wish I could tell you that boldness will fall on you while you wish for it or while you remain a couch potato, but life is not a fairy tale.
Taking up responsibilities that will push your timidity into oblivion is probably the most important step in overcoming timidity.
Courage is not the absence of fear but doing what you have to do regardless of the fears and barriers you may encounter. Courage is doing it afraid! If you want to feel bold before you do what you have to do, then you won’t ever get anything done.
I’ve always loved Bible study, so I joined Bible study unit in the fellowship in nursing school. The first Sunday I was to teach, my heart almost ripped in fear. I was tempted to run out or wished that mother earth would be kind enough to open up and swallow me and save me from the impending embarrassment. But I did it. I did it so well. A year and some months later, I became the head of that same department.
During my undergraduate days, I took my presentations seriously and would even volunteer to be the speaker during group presentations. During one of such times, a lecturer mentioned me as one of the two best presenters. Currently, I teach in church and also recently joined the choir, even though I tell myself I can’t sing. Lol.
I encourage you to take up responsibilities that will shrink your timidity. With practice, shyness would become a thing of the past in your life.
#4 Use social media to your advantage
I’m very active on Facebook where I share my thoughts. I used to be so concerned about what people would say, so I shied away from writing on some topics.
But now, I write boldly on any topic I like until people called me ‘controversial’.
I’m not controversial. I only write what many want to share but don’t have the required guts.
So, having a voice online has helped to build my confidence. A lot of people share with me how I inspire them and how they look forward to meeting me in real life. I wouldn’t want to disappoint them by being timid.
Use social media to boost your confidence. You can start by sharing your opinions in the comment section on people’s posts. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts. Stop hiding and claiming you are learning. Add your input. Stop being a monitoring spirit.
#5 Associate with people who encourage you to come out of your shell
The company you keep matters a lot. If you associate with people who are outspoken and are not scared to air their opinions, you’ll find yourself becoming like them.
Most of my intimate friends are extrovert, and I’ve learnt to be talkative with them.
I’m still my introverted self but I know how to talk when necessary.
#6 Take care of your looks
There’s a positive relationship between beauty and confidence. When you know you are beautiful, it’s easy to walk with your shoulders high. Ugly people suffer from low self-esteem.
Your physical appearance is what you make of it. If you don’t work on your looks, you won’t look good.
In this era of makeup, ugliness is a sin. Get yourself some good skin products. Get affordable makeup and wear nice hairstyles that suit you.
If you are a man, wear the haircut that suits you. Dress smart and eat good food. Use deodorants. Wear neat clothes. You don’t need to break a bank to look good. You only need to be creative.
Recommended Article: Habits of Beautiful Women
#7 Discover yourself, your passion and your talents
Knowing that you have something meaningful that can benefit others instills confidence in you and pushes you out there. Don’t allow timidity kill your potentials.
#8 Be good at what you do
In fact, be excellent at what you do. Be a god at what you do.
Excellence gives you boldness. You’d rarely be timid doing what you know how to do best. You are likely to be scared of failure if you are an amateur.
Also, whenever you are called to do anything, maybe to give a talk, teach others, give a presentation, PREPARE well. Ill preparation will only set you up for embarrassment.
#9 Read books
Reading is a discipline that should be cultivated by anyone who wants to be more in life.
Reading broadens your horizon, enriching your knowledge base. Knowledge boosts confidence. When you are knowledgeable, people will always want to be around you because they get so much value from you.
This in turn makes you confident.
Also, reading books on confidence is highly beneficial. Joyce Meyer‘s The Confident Woman is the best book I’ve read so far on confidence. The lessons I garnered from the book are indelible in my memory because they helped me to grow. You don’t even need to be religious to read it.
If you are suffering from timidity, I hope you’ll apply these tips that worked for me and start your journey to being confident.