“I’ve never had a healthy relationship!”
Humans are social beings, and relationships are a huge part of our lives.
However, regardless of our need and desire for relationships, we should not remain in relationships that keep taking away from us and do not add any value to us.
So if your worry is “I’ve never had a healthy relationship,” it is a valid concern.
It is normal for you to have one or two unpleasant people in your life because people are different, and we can’t change them, but if all your relationships are unhealthy, that’s something to consider.
Relationships include even your general relationships with family, friends, and partners.
Because it is important to have healthy relationships all-round, be it your relationship with your friends, family members, colleagues, or relations because unhealthy relationships have numerous disadvantages for you.
It goes without saying that if all your relationships are unhealthy, something is wrong somewhere, and if the people in your life all have toxic traits, you can bet that you will also have a few because we’re an average of the people we spend the most of our time with.
Today, we’re looking into unhealthy relationships with love partners.
If you have never had a healthy love relationship before, it is necessary for you to find out why and know what to do about it.
“I’ve Never Had a Healthy Relationship”
Here’s why:
1. You always meet the wrong people
This is one possible reason why you’ve never had a healthy relationship.
You can only date or marry from amongst the people you meet.
So if you only meet the wrong people, you will always be in the wrong relationships.
If you’re wondering why you meet the wrong people and what the way out is, keep reading; you’ll find out.
2. You’re always in the wrong places
You hardly meet the right people in the wrong places.
Thus, if you’re always in the company of people who lack character or are full of vices, you’re always going to move from one unhealthy relationship to another.
The places you go and spend your time in play a huge role in the relationships you form.
So, instead of always complaining, “I’ve never had a healthy relationship,” pay attention to the places you go because that has a lot to do with the people you eventually meet and date.
3. You are attracted to the wrong qualities
Movies and books sometimes deceive us into believing that the qualities people need to look out for in romantic relationships are good looks and the butterflies they make you feel.
When in reality, the qualities that last and you should be looking for in potential partners are love, stability, character, and kindness.
When you look out for the wrong qualities, you’re likely going to end up in an unhealthy relationship.
4. You have some toxic traits
If you are toxic, your relationship can not be healthy even if you have a good partner because it takes two people to make a relationship work.
Many times, people with the “I’ve never had a healthy relationship” complaint actually need to do a lot of inward looking.
If you’ve been having unhealthy relationships with different people, there’s a high chance that the problem is not from them.
5. You’re suffering from trauma
Trauma is another possible reason why you’ve never been in a healthy relationship.
People who have suffered toxic relationships in the past, either from toxic parents or toxic relationship with their first love, if not strictly watched, may end up repeatedly going into relationships with people like their toxic parents or toxic ex.
This is because that is the kind of love they are familiar with -hard and unhealthy love – which in reality is not even love at all.
So, if you were sexually assaulted, brutalized, or abused by your father, mother, relatives, or first love, you may notice that every of your love relationships have been with people who are abusers and manipulators because somehow, those are the people you can relate with.
6. You’re scared of being alone
The fear of remaining single and lonely is another reason why you’ve never had a healthy relationship.
Any person who is always desperate an quick to jump into a new relationship without healing, evaluating and taking time to observe the potential partner is likely to find themselves in unhealthy relationships all the time.
“I’ve never had a healthy relationship” The Way Out
There’s no cookie cutter approach to finding a good person for a healthy relationship. However, the following are points that if followed, will ensure you avoid all the wrong people and attract all the right ones.
1. Focus on yourself first
If you want a healthy relationship, heal, build good traits, change your mindset and adopt better and healthier ideologies about yourself and your relationships.
Contrary to popular opinion, opposites do not always attract.
Many times, you actually attract your type.
If you are not whole and healthy, you’re likely to attract and be attracted to broken and unhealthy persons as well.
Heal from past trauma and their effects on you.
The first work is on you.
Look inwards.
2. Change your circle
You are not likely to date outside of your circle.
If the people around you do not mirror great relationships, it is time to meet new people.
Don’t remain attached to people with the wrong mindset and lifestyle and expect to meet someone with healthy traits.
3. Go to the right places
When you go to the right places, it’s easier to meet the right people.
Avoid spending all of your time in places where only shallow and dangerous people go.
Go to healthy meetings and events where you can be sure that right thinking people are.
Not everyone in a “good” gathering will be good but at least the percentage of bad will be lower.
4. Look out for important traits in any potential partner
Do not look out for shallow traits like looks, money and social status.
Instead, be on the lookout for their character; are they kind, compassionate, joyful, etc
Instead of looking for a good looking face and body, look for a good heart.
5. Be patient
It is better to be single than to rush into a relationship that poisons you mentally, emotionally and physically.
If you do not want to get into another unhealthy relationship, you must be ready to wait and do your due diligence before accepting to start this journey again.
