“My husband loves me but not sexually. He is a good and caring man who performs his duties as a father and does excellently as a husband, except sexually. He does not have a problem with taking care of me, sending money to me, doing chores at home, and showing me love, but he does not express this love to me through lovemaking. I am happy that he is a good man but worried about our sex life.”
Does this sound like your marriage?
Your husband loves you deeply but not sexually.
He is willing to do anything and go anywhere for you.
You do not have a bad man because you see his efforts in every other area.
However, when it comes to sex, things are different.
He does not seem to love you in that area, and you do not want to seem ungrateful, but you are frustrated by it.
This article will grant you insight into some of the things that may be responsible for that.
Knowing what the issue is is the first step to finding a solution.
Each one of the signs below is a possible reason that you should pay attention to and find out if they apply to you.
”My Husband Loves Me But Not Sexually” Possible Reasons
1) He is not sexually attracted to you
This is the first possible reason your husband does not love you sexually.
Although this is a sad situation, it is the reality for some couples.
Some men are not sexually attracted to their wives and vice versa.
In cases like this, the man may be the best husband, doing everything for his wife, but when it comes to sex, he lags.
He loves her, but she does not appeal to him sexually.
We will suggest ways out of this later in this post.
2) He has sexual problems
Another possible reason for your husband’s failure to love you sexually is his problems with sex.
This is a very wide reason that has different possible facets.
Some men have low libido, therefore, are not likely to approach you for sex.
Others have one sexual issue, disease, or other, making them want to avoid sex.
Some men have suffered sexual abuse and are still traumatized, and this may affect their sex in marriage.
It is not impossible that your husband has a challenge with his health or sexual life, and instead of seeking help, he chooses to avoid it.
3) You do not initiate sex
This is another possible reason why your husband does not love you sexually.
Generally, men are more sexually expressive than women and will usually initiate sex most of the time.
However, when it gets to a point where the woman never initiates it or reciprocates his energy, he may draw back.
So maybe it’s not that he doesn’t love you sexually, it’s just that he’s not getting the kind of sex life he wants, and it’s making him feel inadequate.
If you don’t initiate sex, your husband will feel like he has to do all of the work—which can make him feel like there is something wrong with him.
I know it might seem counter-intuitive, but if you’re not initiating sex, he may be feeling rejected by you because you’re not initiating and also because he feels like he has to initiate for both of you to have any kind of sexual relationship at all.
4) You do not put effort into your appearance
Men are visual beings and very driven by what they see.
Your husband may not love you sexually because you do not appeal to his sexual side by looking good and exciting him.
How you look can profoundly affect how much your husband wants to be physically intimate with you.
This is especially true if he’s worked extra hard to make sure he looks good, but you always look like you just rolled out of bed.
Even if you’re not interested in sex, think about what kind of signal this sends to your husband: “I don’t care enough about myself to take time and effort to make sure I look good today.”
I understand that marriage is tough, especially with kids in the picture.
As women, we are usually too tired trying to balance everything- career, family, health, and our social life, that sometimes, the last thing on our minds is looking good.
And it’s also easy to become complacent in marriage and see no need to look good and smell good because you’re now comfortable with your man.
Some women even say, ”Who is looking at me? It’s not like I’m searching again.”
This mindset can affect your sex life and your marriage.
Balancing everything is tough but try to make an effort on your appearance; for yourself first.
You feel good when you look good.
Then your husband will like what he sees.
You don’t need to look like Kim Kardashian to be physically attractive.
No matter your height or weight, wear clothes that suit your shape and follow a skincare regimen.
This will make a lot of difference.
5) You are not hygienic
While some men are careless and do not pay attention to people being tidy, other men are very obsessed with cleanliness.
If your man falls into the latter category, he will be turned off by a woman who is not neat and hygienic.
A man that is a germophobe, obsessed with neatness will find it difficult to sexually love a woman who is messy and pays no attention to hygiene.
6) You do not satisfy him sexually
Just because two people can have sex does not mean that both parties will enjoy the experience completely and be satisfied.
There are different factors involved, ranging from their sexual compatibility to their individual sex drive.
Sex is meant to be mutually enjoyed, where both parties are satisfied and not just one person.
If your husband has been frustrated by your previous sexual encounters and is not satisfied with them, he may draw back from loving you sexually.
7) He does not satisfy you sexually
Some men take pride in the fact that they sexually satisfy their women.
Thus, if a man finds himself failing in his responsibility in that aspect, his ego will be bruised.
Your husband may have noticed from your previous sexual encounters that he is not able to properly love you sexually.
This realization may have made him feel bad and draw back from you.
8) He is overwhelmed
A possible reason for your husband’s failure to love you sexually is that he doesn’t even think about sex often.
As much as he may desire it, he may just be busy or overwhelmed.
He may be dealing with issues and expending all of his time, mental and physical strength on it.
”My Husband Loves Me But Not Sexually” What To Do
#1 Communicate
No matter how deeply hurt you are about a situation, failing to talk about it with your partner will only leave your continually frustrated.
Couples should talk about everything and sex is not left out.
In fact, one of the keys to having a more enjoyable and fulfilling sex life is adequate and proper communication.
Find a suitable time to discuss your concerns about sex with your husband and let him know how you feel.
Listen to him and pick cues from the things he says.
This will help you know what the challenge is and how to fix it.
#2 Be intentional about your sex life.
This can look different for everyone.
Depending on your unique situation, you may need to work on yourself, your marriage, or encourage your husband to work on himself.
The lack of sex in your marriage may also be an indication of an underlying issue that you both need to address.
Address and sort the issues out, and work on yourself where necessary.
Create conducive moments and places to set the mood right and set things rolling.
#3 Initiate sex
If he is not initiating sex, you do.
It is not wrong neither is it a shameful thing for a woman to initiate sex.
Be more willing and open to do that and it might just be the game changer.
#4 Seek help where necessary
For more deep-seated issues like health challenges, trauma, you will need to seek the help of a professional.
It may be a doctor, a sex therapist, a general therapist, etc.
Find out what your situation is and seek help from professionals that can help.
Sex is a crucial part of every marriage and can not be ignored.
It is not unusual for couples to unavoidably be celibate in their marriage for sometime.
However, that should not go on for too long.
Action should be taken to revive the marriage bed and rekindle the fire.
