There is no love without trust.
When trust is lacking in a relationship, such a relationship is bound to sink sooner or later.
Trust must also not be one-sided.
One person’s confidence in the other is insufficient to keep the relationship alive.
This is because many frustrations will set in if you do not completely trust each other.
Therefore, if you, as the girlfriend, have trust issues, you both suffer from the lack of trust.
Your boyfriend trusts you and is good to you, but you can’t trust him.
He tells you where and what he is doing each time, yet your mind presents you with the most unthinkable scenarios.
You raise questions and doubts about him at every chance you get.
You can’t tell why you are like this?
Let’s help you with some possible reasons:
11 Reasons You Distrust Your Boyfriend Without Cause
1. You’ve been let down by the men you dated in the past.
This, right here, is one of the commonest reasons for people’s inability to trust their partners.
If you’ve been burnt in the past, you can’t be judged for not wanting to prevent a reoccurrence.
Being reluctant to trust a new partner completely until they have earned it is a perfectly normal reaction.
However, you should not linger long enough to allow your past to rule over your present and, consequently, your future.
Now that you are in a new relationship, it would be best for you to address your trust issues and heal from them so that you don’t let them influence your actions, inactions and emotions towards your new partner who has not wronged you.
If not, you will consistently ruin your love relationships by lacking trust.
2. Your mother had no trust in your father
Our parents are most times, a huge determinant of who we become.
They were the first teachers we encountered in our socialisation process as children.
If trust was lacking in your parent’s marriage, you may have observed that, even if it was unconsciously, your mind could have been conditioned to believe that men should not be trusted.
Therefore, even though you are not dating your father or anyone like him, that he is a man may be enough for you not to trust him.
3. You are used to disappointments in life
If life has dealt you several blows of disappointments, you can begin to second guess your happy moments.
You might get to a point where you find it hard to believe that something good is actually happening to you and that it is for real.
You may not trust your life decisions, in this case, your choice of a life partner, and find yourself expecting disappointment from him.
You tell yourself that sooner or later, he will mess things up, whereas it is your lack of trust that may ruin things.
Are you a victim of childhood trauma?
You may be like this because no one has ever really been there for you in life.
No one has ever stood up for you; even those you thought would never let you down have hurt you deeply.
Consequently, you no longer think anyone(including your boyfriend) deserves your trust.
4. You’re the guilty one
You don’t trust your boyfriend, not because he has done anything wrong, but because you are doing something he won’t be happy about if he finds out.
You are the guilty one, but you are projecting your guilt on him.
You want to believe so much that he is as guilty as you are so that you can justify yourself if he eventually finds out.
5. You know too little about him
Trust is built from knowledge.
By knowledge, I mean how well do you know your boyfriend?
What do you know about his family and upbringing? His values? His interests? His pastime? His strengths and weaknesses? His past relationships? His friends? Etc.
If your knowledge of your partner is little, you will likely not be sure of what he is capable of.
If you have a robust knowledge of him, you may find him more predictable.
6. You know everything about him
Your lack of trust could also be because you know too much about him.
You are privy to some not-so-palatable details about him, and you find it hard to shake them off your mind.
For instance, a lady who knows about her boyfriend’s father’s serial infidelity may find herself expecting his son to follow in his father’s footsteps one day.
In this case, the boyfriend has done nothing wrong, but you are judging him by what you know about him.
If you didn’t know this much, you probably would have trusted him based on who he is to you.
7. He is too perfect
You may find it difficult to trust your partner because he is too perfect.
It could be that it’s the fact that he is not even doing anything wrong that makes you not trust him.
He is so impeccable that you find no fault in him.
You begin to think that he is definitely doing a great job at hiding who he really is.
Of a truth, people who are so perfect in this regard have been found to turn out to be the exact opposite of who they claim to be.
For example, a serial killer could be hiding under the camouflage of a sweet lover, and his victim would see him as the best man in the world.
An absolute absence of flaws is a clear indication of a well-calculated deception.
8. You overthink things generally
If you are someone who naturally does not take things as they appear, it’s possible you over-analyse your boyfriend’s life.
If you always believe there is always a motive behind people’s kind gestures towards you, you will find yourself always casting doubts on your boyfriend’s intentions towards you, no matter how pure and genuine they are.
9. You let societal unfounded sayings get to you
There are some sayings that if you give too much thought to, you may believe in them even though you have no proof of their veracity.
Sayings like: All men cheat, It rains everywhere, Men are polygamous in nature, etc.
Any lady who believes in sayings like these will find herself expecting the worst of her boyfriend.
10. You are insecure
If you don’t feel deserving of your boyfriend, you may struggle with believing that he is actually yours for keeps.
For instance, if he is of higher social status or he possesses more generally appreciated beauty features, you may esteem yourself as unworthy of him and believe he will sooner or later leave you for a more befitting woman.
11. Your instinct is alerting you
Yes! You may be finding it hard to trust your seemingly innocent boyfriend simply because your instinct is warning you.
Nothing to suggest that he isn’t to be trusted yet, but you just have a hunch that something is not in place.
If your instinct has saved you from bad occurrences in the past, it may just be right this time again.
Final Thoughts
It’s a great thing that you have realised that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship as well as why the issue exists.
Identifying the root of a problem is one step closer to finding its solution.
It’s, however, important that you know that the more you allow yourself to feel this way without doing anything about it, the more you deny yourself of the happiness that a love relationship should normally bring.
You may need the help and support of your partner to get over this feeling.
The reason you have identified will determine which step you need to take to get rid of your trust issues.
Whatever you do, do not forget that it’s not your happiness alone that is at stake; so is your boyfriend’s.
Finally, you can consider counselling to help you get over it.