I’m not here to judge anyone’s relationship style.
If two people genuinely want an open relationship from the beginning, agree to it mutually, and both are actually happy with it, fine.
That’s their business.
But that’s not what this post is about.
This is about what happens when you’re in what you thought was a monogamous relationship and suddenly he starts dropping hints about opening things up.
So here are the signs he wants an open relationship, and more importantly, what you should actually do about it.
9 Signs He Wants an Open Relationship
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He makes jokes about it often.
He makes comments about dating other people, about you seeing other people, about open relationships, and when you look uncomfortable, he laughs it off as “just a joke.”
But it’s not just once.
It keeps coming up.
Different contexts, different situations, but the same theme: wouldn’t it be interesting if we could see other people?
That’s not joking.
That’s testing.
He’s floating the idea to see how you react, to gauge if you’d be open to it, to slowly normalize the concept so that when he actually brings it up seriously, it doesn’t seem as shocking.
People joke about things they’re actually thinking about.
Remember that.
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He has sexual fantasies that involve another person who isn’t you.
He starts telling you about sexual fantasies that involve other women.
Threesomes.
Group situations.
Scenarios where he’s with someone else while you’re… what, watching?
Participating?
And he frames it like “I’m just being honest about my desires” or “I want us to be open with each other about everything.”
Everyone has fantasies.
The question is why he’s suddenly sharing ones that specifically require bringing other people into your relationship.
He’s either preparing you for what he wants to do, or he’s already thinking about someone specific and trying to get your permission wrapped in the language of “exploration.”
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He overtly flirts with other girls a lot.
He’s not even hiding it anymore.
He’s openly flirtatious with other women….at parties, on social media, wherever, and when you bring it up, he acts like you’re being jealous or insecure.
“I’m just being friendly.”
“I can’t even talk to other women now?”
But you know the difference between friendly and flirty.
And so does he.
He’s doing it in front of you deliberately, either to make you jealous enough to loosen up or to normalize the idea that he’s available to other women even though he’s with you.
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He is not jealous.
You could tell him a guy asked you out, and he’s like, “Cool, what did you say?”
No concern at all.
That’s not evolved maturity or trust.
That’s him giving you permission he hopes you’ll return.
He’s deliberately showing you he’s “okay” with you talking to other men because he wants you to be equally okay with him talking to other women.
It’s strategic, not secure.
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He’s still active on dating apps.
You’ve been together for months, maybe years, and he’s still on Tinder, Bumble, whatever.
When you ask about it, he’s got excuses.
“I just forgot to delete it.”
“I’m not really active on there.” “
I just use it for the memes.”
Lies.
If he wanted to be exclusively committed to you, those apps would be gone.
The fact that they’re still there means he’s keeping his options open, staying visible to other women, and probably actively using them when you’re not around.
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He is always fascinated by the topic.
He’s watching shows about polyamory.
Reading articles about open relationships.
Bringing up conversations he saw online about ethical non-monogamy.
And he’s not just casually interested; he’s invested.
He wants to talk about it, hear your thoughts, and discuss the “pros and cons.”
He’s educating himself because he’s seriously considering it.
And he’s trying to educate you too, hoping you’ll come around to his way of thinking.
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His grooming has improved.
Suddenly he’s dressing better, working out more, wearing cologne every day, getting haircuts more regularly, caring about his appearance in ways he didn’t before.
And it’s not for you.
You’ve already seen him at his worst and stayed.
He’s preparing himself to be attractive to someone else.
He’s getting ready to be back on the market while technically still with you.
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He is more dedicated to the relationship.
He shows all of the signs above, but he has not in any way made you feel abandoned; in fact, he does more for the relationship.
He might be hinting to you that he cares about you and does not want to lose you, but he wants to date someone else.
As ironic as that may sound, it happens.
It’s also a way to reassure you that his commitment to the relationship will be unwavering if you agree to be in an open relationship with him.
What To Do If He Wants an Open Relationship
First, be honest with yourself about what you want.
Do you actually want an open relationship?
Not “would you be okay with it to keep him,” but do YOU genuinely want to date other people while staying with him?
If the answer is no, then the answer is no.
Don’t talk yourself into something you don’t want.
Second, understand that this is probably a dealbreaker.
If you want monogamy and he wants to open the relationship, you’re incompatible now.
That’s not something you can compromise on.
You can’t be half-monogamous.
You can’t kind of open the relationship.
Either you’re exclusive or you’re not.
Third, don’t agree to this to keep him.
I cannot stress this enough: do not agree to an open relationship because you’re afraid he’ll leave if you say no.
If he’s going to leave because you won’t let him date other women while staying with you, let him leave.
Because here’s what happens when you agree to something you don’t want: you’ll be miserable while he enjoys his freedom.
You’ll be anxiously waiting at home while he’s out with other women.
You’ll be dying inside while pretending you’re “cool” with it.
That’s not a relationship.
That’s self-destruction.
Fourth, recognize this might mean he’s already gone.
Often, when men bring up opening relationships, they’ve already met someone they’re interested in, or they’re already cheating and want permission after the fact.
So understand that this conversation might be him telling you he’s already checked out emotionally, even if he’s still physically there.
Fifth, make your decision and stick to it.
If you don’t want an open relationship, say that clearly: “I’m not interested in an open relationship. I want monogamy, and if that’s not what you want anymore, then we’re not compatible.“
And then be prepared to walk away if he pushes it.
Because trying to negotiate or compromise on this will only delay the inevitable while making you miserable in the process.