Discovering that your husband is cheating on you is one of the worst betrayals ever.
I think it is so diabolical that it is only second to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus.
It is one of the worst experiences, leaving scars, regardless of how well you move on.
The saddest effect of being a victim of infidelity is how it takes away your ability to trust not only your husband but also your own judgment.
This is because you would spend several days and weeks wondering how you didn’t detect the signs, and you would beat yourself for it.
You may have tried to move on with your relationship after the incident.
After all, for many relationships, infidelity is not the end.
Couples come back together after infidelity.
Wives forgive their husbands and try to move on with their marriage.
Rebuilding trust in that situation could be daunting, but it is possible with determination and a show of genuine repentance from the husband.
But there remains that bugging question…
Are you sure the affair was just a fleeting one?
What if he cheats on you again, especially with the same person?
Here are some subtle signs that his affair might be more serious than you first suspected…
6 Signs His Affair Is More Serious Than You Thought
1. He’s still in touch with her
One time, a friend looked at me and said, “Your gender has an unbelievable supply of audacity,” and I totally agreed with her.
Men can be audacious.
However, I feel like the height of audacity is when a man has been caught cheating and still keeps in touch with the other woman.
It is highly irresponsible and indicates unrepentance, regardless of whatever he says.
If he says he is repentant, his actions should reflect his repentance.
If his actions don’t match his words, it is a sign that something is wrong.
The truth is that to repair the damage infidelity does to a relationship, the partner who cheated has to work extra hard to ensure that the relationship gets better.
And talking to the person he cheated with is not one of the ways of working extra hard to ensure the relationship works.
If you realize that he still keeps in touch with the person he cheated with, it is a sign the affair was more serious than you thought.
Their conversations may be innocent, but as long as he keeps in touch with her, it is a sign that he is still emotionally attached to her.
One time, a friend decided to forgive her cheating boyfriend against my advice.
She told me he was repentant and had changed.
But I told her that cheating should be a deal breaker in relationships.
Anyway, she came crying to me about how she discovered that he was still talking to her.
I told her it was an obvious sign that they still had something going on.
But he convinced her otherwise…
Well, a few years later, guess who married the other lady?
Yeah, you are right.
My friend’s boyfriend married the other lady after finally deciding she was the one for him.
My friend was heartbroken.
Your man shouldn’t still have any form of relationship with the other lady.
Apart from the fact that they have shared something intimate, he should also do it out of respect for your feelings.
Things are much worse than you think if he isn’t doing this.
2. He spends little time at home
Part of the repentance expected from a cheating husband is that he begins to spend more time at home.
That’s the only way trust can be rebuilt in the relationship.
I know a couple who survived cheating.
There were several obvious changes in the husband, especially in the amount of time he spends at home.
The fact that he is always around has helped his wife regain some level of trust in him.
If this change is not forthcoming in your husband, then I must say that he probably hasn’t changed.
I understand that work is another factor that takes many men away from home.
However, apart from work, a man who is truly interested in rebuilding his relationship after being caught cheating must be ready to spend his free time at home with his wife or on dates with her.
If he still doesn’t spend time at home, it is a sign that he hasn’t changed.
When this sign is observed in tandem with the previous one, it becomes a really obvious sign that his affair was much more serious than you thought, and it is probably not over.
3. He is emotionally distant
When a man cheats, and his wife finds out, you don’t expect him to be emotionally distant.
In fact, it is the wife who should be emotionally distant.
Recovering from an act of infidelity requires the full participation of both couples.
So, it could be discouraging for you to see your husband still being emotionally distant.
After being caught cheating, the natural response should be guilt, and guilt has a unique way of making you feel undeserving of forgiveness.
This feeling of unworthiness could cause emotional distance in a husband caught cheating.
However, when he realizes he has been truly forgiven, he becomes freer with you.
If he is still emotionally distant, it could mean that he regrets leaving his affair.
It is a sign that he still doesn’t want to connect with you despite whatever he may have said about fighting for his relationship.
Doing something like this reeks of trying to eat his cake and have it.
He doesn’t want to go through the turmoil of separation and possibly divorce, but he wants to keep acting the way he used to.
When a man does this alone, it is a terrible sign.
When it is in tandem with the previous signs, the case is closed and shut.
His affair was more serious than you thought, and he is probably still involved with the other woman to a great extent.
4. He avoids physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is not the first thing for a couple trying to reconnect after infidelity.
In fact, for many, it may never get back to normal.
However, in some cases, couples have rekindled physical intimacy after their relationship suffered from infidelity.
It is a possibility, but it will take a lot of work.
At first, most women can’t go right into it because all they can think of is the other women doing the same with their husbands.
It makes it difficult to find pleasure in this act.
This is understandable because after such a betrayal, even just looking at him sometimes reminds her of what he had done.
However, it gets to a point where she is ready to take things physically.
Of course, this is only after emotional bonding.
If it appears that he is avoiding physical intimacy, it may be a terrible sign.
It could be a good sign if he holds your hands and hugs you but feels that y’all are not ready for sex.
But if he appears to shrink away from any form of physical intimacy or contact with you, it may be a sign that he is no longer physically attracted to you.
This could be a result of his infidelity.
This shows that his infidelity is more serious than you thought, and he has formed a level of attachment to her that is unhealthy.
5. He has a lot of unexplained absences
Secrets can pose a lot of problems to relationships.
Secrets have no place in a marriage.
The moment it takes root in a marriage, it causes distrust.
Love and suspicion can’t thrive at the same time.
Suspicion is like the weed that stifles love to death in a relationship.
When a man is truly repentant for his infidelity, one of the things you will notice is that he becomes 100% transparent.
He tells you where he will be even without you asking because he knows he owes you transparency.
So, if your husband still disappears for a long time and returns without explanation, it is a sign that he isn’t repentant.
He is probably still involved in other illicit relationships and doesn’t want you to know about it.
So, he hides his whereabouts from you.
One time, an acquaintance was caught cheating.
It was a big deal, and we all learned about it before he settled things with his girlfriend.
Did he stop?
No, he didn’t.
He continued cheating on her even while pretending to be a changed person.
The thing is that infidelity always has obvious signs, and if you have experienced it once, you would be able to recognize the signs easily.
She noticed that he sometimes went out without mentioning where he was going.
So, one day, she followed him and found him where he was having lunch with the very girl she had previously caught him with.
That was when she ended the relationship.
If your partner is still sneaking around even after being caught cheating, it could be a sign that he hasn’t changed.
6. Gut feeling
Never underestimate the power of your intuition.
It could be what saves you from a toxic situation.
If something feels off about your relationship, it probably is.
I have seen so many ladies wish they had just listened to that inner voice when it told them something was wrong.
If your husband is fulfilling his role in the marriage, you won’t feel something is wrong in the relationship.
The moment you start feeling that something is wrong in your relationship, you need to be more sensitive.
Don’t excuse red flags because you don’t want to seem disagreeable.
Ask questions from your husband.
Get a detailed breakdown of his itinerary.
It is not a sign of distrust.
It is your right and his obligation to you.
The truth is that once a man has cheated once already, he is likely to cheat on you again.
I am not saying that people don’t truly repent.
I am just saying that if he isn’t acting repentant, the odds are he never stopped cheating.
I won’t tell you what to do to a partner who has betrayed your trust this way.
I will tell you what I would do.
I would take myself right out of that toxic relationship and focus on my well-being.
I would surround myself with true friends.
And I will never look back.
That’s what I would do!