If you’re asking the question, “Why am I attracted to older married men?” then I’m guessing it’s because you have noticed that this desire and attraction of yours is quite out of the norm.
I’ve met people with various kinds of attraction and desires.
Different people have different “specs,” and this is influenced by many factors and the different personalities of the individuals.
Some women are attracted to certain kinds of men that many others find unappealing.
And when you see the kind of women some men are attracted to, you may be tempted to ask them what they find attractive in those women.
This just goes to show that different people have different attractions.
While I’m not here to judge you, I have to honestly say that if the only men you are attracted to as a lady are married men, you are in a complex situation.
No relationship is easy, but being in one with a married man or being constantly attracted to married men is a different kind of struggle, and it is morally wrong.
If you are thinking about the best way to handle this attraction of yours, it will help a great deal if you know the possible reasons for the attraction in the first place.
Why Am I Attracted to Older Married Men?
1. Negative experiences with single men
If you have had an unpleasant experience or experiences with single men in the past, depending on how terrible it was, it can be the explanation for your current situation.
You probably had very bad encounters with young single men in the past, such as them being unavailable, unreasonable, unattached, financially unstable, or even abusive.
These unpleasant experiences, particularly if they happened consistently, can make you consciously or even subconsciously conclude that single men are not for you or that they do not make great partners.
This may make you begin to gravitate toward older married men.
2. Positive experiences with older married men
Your attraction for older married men can be borne out of a positive experience or encounter with one of them.
You probably are attracted to older married men because you have tasted being with one and enjoyed the experience.
Some men may not be amazing husbands because they cheat on their wives, but they may end up being good to the other woman.
If you ever were the other woman who enjoyed somebody’s husband, then even after that relationship ends, the sweet taste may not leave your mouth.
The sweet memory of your previous married partner may influence who you get attracted to going forward.
3. Loving dad
Having an amazing dad can make you develop a deeper sense of attraction for older married men.
Perhaps your dad cared and showed up for you every time, and he was all you had.
And maybe you didn’t even get to see many young single men showing responsibility and other great qualities.
The memories of your dad may linger so much that they influence the kind of men you want in your life.
Even though your relationship with your dad was not romantic, it still has a lot to do with your feelings about men in general.
4. Older spirit
Some ladies generally just possess a more mature and advanced spirit than their mates.
This is to say that they’re thinking, behavior, and lifestyle align with people older than them.
Such ladies are very likely not to find young men attractive.
The maturity and life experience that older married men possess will be incredibly attractive to them.
They’re naturally just intrigued by the wisdom and life experiences that older married men have.
If you are like this, then you may find yourself being comfortable around married men and not single men.
You emotionally connect with them and feel at ease around them.
This may not be your fault, but you have the power to guide your decisions and decide if your feelings will lead you or not.
5. Forbidden Attraction
“Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17).
This could be describing the feelings you have for a married man.
Even though you know it’s wrong, something within you still desires him… even if only on a subconscious level.
And this is so true for many people.
They find excitement and thrill in doing things that are unusual, illegal, or wrong.
Risky ventures get their adrenaline pumping, and they always hop on any opportunity they get to venture into it.
If you love forbidden attraction, then that could be the reason why you’re attracted to older married men.
You just love the excitement that comes with the challenge.
6. Daddy issues
Having a great dad can make you attracted to older men, but an absentee father can also have the same effect.
A lady who didn’t get to enjoy the presence of her dad or had a deadbeat father may find herself seeking that fatherly affection in her romantic partner.
This may also make her tilt towards older and married men.
The sheer craving for the confidence and assertiveness emitted from older men can make her fix her gaze on them and none other.
Your attraction to older married men can be a desire for parental nurturing.
7. Financial Security
Who doesn’t love already prepared “blessings”?
Everybody wants an easy path, and for some people, choosing a married man is the way to that ease.
You may take a general survey and see that most of the single young men around you are still struggling to get their footing and barely have enough money for themselves.
Generally, it is believed that most older married men have a great level of stability financially.
Of course, there are broke old men, but I’m sure those aren’t the ones you are attracted to.
If they are, then this point isn’t for you.
But if I am right, then the root of your attraction to these men is the allure that their comfortable lifestyle speaks to you.
8. Habits
Sometimes, there is no deep explanation for some things.
They are just habits that have grown over time.
You may have started gravitating towards older married men, maybe just for fun or because you saw others do it.
But with time and consistency in doing it, you have become so used to it that you find it difficult to feel any form of attraction for younger men who are single.
It is just a habit thing that you need to deal with and stop.
9. Maturity
I hardly feel any form of attraction for men that are within my age range.
They have to be at least six or seven years older than I am.
I’ve always been that way as far back as I can remember, and I know that it’s because of the depth of maturity that I think older men possess.
I do not date married men, but I definitely do not date men that are my age or younger than I am because I just generally think that they’re not mature enough for me to have conversations with.
This may be the case with you.
You probably gravitate towards older married men because you are attracted to their maturity and intellectual prowess.
You enjoy having intellectually stimulating conversations with them, and their display of emotional maturity makes you excited.
It may also be their sense of authority and leadership that draws you.
Older married men may show a high level of maturity and emotional intelligence than their young counterparts.
10. Stability
You may find older married men more stable than young men.
A married man who is considerably older than you would have likely gone through different seasons of life and overcome a lot of challenges and hurdles.
He is now more independent and stable, and this may be what appeals to you.
11. You don’t respect the sanctity of marriage
While being attracted to older married men doesn’t necessarily mean you date them.
But if you do, or you have no problems with being attracted to older married men and dating them, then you don’t really respect the sanctity of marriage.
A married man is not just any man; he is someone else’s husband.
He is legally and morally bound to another woman, and it’s wrong to pursue someone in such a situation.
Many factors in your life and even upbringing can be responsible for your attraction to older married men.
Taking an introspective look at yourself or seeing a therapist can help you draw more specific pointers to the reason.
It is important to navigate situations like this with a lot of patience but also a lot of empathy as well.
In the case where these feelings of yours are having negative effects on you or other people and their marriages, you should consider seeking support from people around.
It could be a mental health professional, friend, or family.
They can help you process these feelings further because constantly being attracted to older married men is not ideal.
I encourage you to seek help.