You want to know if your man is emotionally available.
Is he the one?
Can you see a serious future with him?
You’ve looked for signs of an emotionally unavailable man in every way, shape, and form because you feel like something isn’t right deep inside.
Maybe it is how he reacts to your feelings or the words from his mouth.
There is no exact formula to determine whether or not he’s emotionally unavailable for a long-term committed relationship.
However, there are ways to determine if a guy is just not that into you because he’s not emotionally ready to commit to you.
Outlined below are some of the clear signs of an emotionally unavailable man.
12 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man
1. He Constantly Terms His Relationships “Casual”
If he’s not calling you his girlfriend, he does not see you as one.
If he’s not seeing you as one and keeping you under wraps, he’s not that into you.
If he’s doing that and still looking for someone else on the side, then there is no chance of him being faithful to you or investing in a long-term relationship with you either.
So if this is happening to you, what can be done about it?
You have to ask yourself some serious questions about whether this man is the right man for you.
Is this the kind of relationship that works for you?
What are your priorities when it comes to relationships?
Are they aligned with his?
These are questions only you can answer.
That said, if “I like casual dating, I don’t want anything serious right now,” was his opening line to wooing your heart (and maybe pants), then maybe consider listening to what he’s telling you and move on.
2. He Doesn’t Want A Relationship Right Now
There is a difference between someone wanting to slow things down because they are unsure about the relationship and someone who does not want to be in one at all.
If he says that he is “not ready for anything serious” or “wants to take things slow,” but still wants to sleep with you or see you frequently, he uses this as an excuse.
If he wanted nothing serious, he would not see you or try and get intimate with you.
It can also mean that even though he is not exactly saying it like that, it might be a sign that deep down inside him, there is this fear of commitment.
This way of handling his feelings about the relationship could be a way of protecting himself from getting hurt by ending things before they truly begin without him realizing it.
If he has been hurt in the past and was lied to, cheated on, manipulated, or mistreated, then there might be some distrust towards women in general, which means that subconsciously distancing himself from love will protect him from any potential future heartaches.
So, if he is afraid of commitment, he’s emotionally unavailable.
3. He Only Talks About Himself
If you want to know an emotionally unavailable man, pay attention to how they communicate.
Do they talk about themselves a lot?
Do they never ask you any questions and mostly just talk about themselves instead?
Are their statements always starting with “I”?
Do they never seem to care what your opinions are on anything or even listen when you try and give them?
How someone communicates can say a lot about their emotional availability.
If he seems like he’s only interested in himself, his feelings and wants, and needs, then it may indicate that he’s not emotionally available for you or anyone else.
4. He’s Emotionally Distant
You’ll notice that he may not be as present, even when you are in the same room.
You’re left with a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, yet you don’t know what it is.
He doesn’t pay attention to the little things, like your favorite ice cream or how you like your coffee.
He starts with forgetting things that are important to you but then gets worse when he doesn’t take any interest in trying to remember in the first place.
He will look down and away from you when speaking with you; if he does look at you at all, it will be for only a few seconds before looking away again.
This can make conversations awkward, especially if something important needs discussing.
You might wonder whether he still loves and cares about you, but there should never be any doubt in your mind whether a man who truly loves and cares about his partner would make her feel so insecure.
5. He Only Sees You That One Time, And Never Again
If he only ever sees you once and never again, it could be because he’s busy.
But it’s more likely that he’s not that into you, or even more likely, that he’s emotionally unavailable.
So what should you do?
You can ask him out again.
Or you can also just brush off this encounter as a learning experience and move on to better men who won’t play games with your heart.
6. He Refuses To Talk About His Feelings
An emotionally unavailable man might have a few clues to his unavailability, such as not wanting to talk about feelings.
Talking about feelings means being vulnerable and open, which requires emotional capacity.
A guy who can’t or won’t talk about feelings may have had a difficult childhood in which he struggled to express himself or was punished for being emotional.
As an adult, he may prefer not to share emotional topics to avoid feeling that way again.
This can be caused by emotional abuse or neglectful parents.
A man who refuses to talk about his feelings is emotionally unavailable.
7. The Only Plans He Makes Are Last-minute Ones
One of the signs of an emotionally unavailable man is that he only plans things on a whim and never in advance.
This means that you have no idea what will happen from one day to the next — because he doesn’t know!
You find yourself constantly having to check in with him before you make any plans — even if it’s with your friends or family.
You don’t want to plan anything without knowing whether or not he can join you.
If he does say yes, it will most likely be at the last minute, which doesn’t give you much time to get ready for whatever it is.
An emotionally unavailable man isn’t planning because he doesn’t care about his future with you.
If this sounds familiar, and if this person has been acting in a pattern like this since day one of your relationship, then chances are they are emotionally unavailable and just not ready for a relationship yet.
8. When You Talk About Your Feelings, He Ignores You Or Changes The Subject
You may bring up a topic that makes him uncomfortable, like your relationship or his feelings, and he will immediately change the subject.
Rather than addressing any of your concerns, he will point out something completely unrelated to what you are talking about.
This is one way he avoids talking about topics that make him feel vulnerable.
9. He Ignores You When You Talk To Him About Something Personal
Sometimes people tune out from conversations when they are bored or preoccupied with something else—this isn’t necessarily a sign of emotional unavailability.
But if it seems like this happens often when you try to have an important conversation with this person, they may be emotionally unavailable and unwilling to engage in these types of discussions.
This is because sharing personal information breeds some kind of emotional intimacy that they are not available for.
Also, listening to your self-disclosure will pressure them to self-disclose, and they don’t want to do that because they are not ready to be emotionally connected.
10. He Makes A Joke Every Time You Try To Have A Serious Conversation With Them
One of the signs of an emotionally unavailable man is that he brings up a joke whenever you want to have a serious conversation with him.
When someone is unable or unwilling to address the things that matter within their relationship because it makes them too uncomfortable, they will often turn the conversation into a joke instead of engaging with what’s being discussed honestly.
11. He Is Mostly Unavailable Within The Week
One of the clear signs of an emotionally unavailable man is his calendar being wide open on weekends, but he can’t take any time off during the week.
When your man is emotionally unavailable, it’s not that he’s in a ton of super-important meetings during the week; he just doesn’t want to give you any time.
Maybe he has commitment issues, or maybe he just doesn’t think you two will be together long enough for him to care.
Either way, his calendar can be wide open on weekends because that’s “not real life.”
If he wants to keep his options open and not make room in his weekly schedule for a relationship or anything else potentially serious, then this will be the case.
12. You Aren’t Allowed To Meet His Family Or Friends
If you’ve been with him for a while and have not met the people who are important to him, or he seems disinterested whenever you broach the topic with him, he might be emotionally unavailable.
A man who wants to be emotionally connected with you will want you to connect with people he’s connected with.
You’ll know when the right person comes along because they will be emotionally available for you.
They will be open and honest about their feelings and past, allowing you both to feel closer.
This person will also be able to commit to you as a partner in a way that your current boyfriend is not.
He may love you now and have every intention of marrying you one day, but it might never happen if he isn’t emotionally available.