If cheating is a deal-breaker for you or you’re not in an open relationship/marriage, then cheating hurts.
It ruins a relationship/marriage, sometimes, beyond repair.
Many people are confused as to what to do and not to do after being cheated on.
Well, I understand that people are different and we handle things differently, but, if you need ideas on what not to do after being cheated on, you’re in the right place.
Here are eleven things I think you shouldn’t do after being cheated on :
1. Don’t pretend that you’re not hurt
Like I said earlier, if cheating is a big deal to you and you’re not in an open relationship/marriage, and you’re not even cheating yourself, chances are that you’re hurt because your partner has betrayed your trust.
It’s okay to be hurt, heartbroken, feel betrayed, and disappointed.
It’s okay to cry.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak. You’re human.
Don’t try to act all strong and bottle up your emotions or pretend that it doesn’t matter.
If you’re hurt, don’t pretend you’re not. Let yourself grieve. It’ll help you to heal faster.
2. Don’t ever wonder if you’re not enough
It’s very common for people who were cheated on to wonder if they’re not enough. After all, if they were, they wouldn’t be cheated on.
This usually leads to feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and insecurity.
While it’s okay to consider your contributions to the cheating, understand that cheating is still a decision/choice.
If you didn’t make that choice/decision, why should your self-esteem suffer for it?
No matter how good you are, some people will cheat. So, it has nothing to do with you (most times/especially when you’ve been a good partner).
Don’t ever think you were cheated on because you weren’t (pretty, handsome, sexy, fun etc.) enough.
You’re enough and you deserve to be loved and respected.
You didn’t cheat. Don’t go down for it.
3. Don’t make any rash decision(s)
Decisions made when emotions are intense are not usually the best because you’re likely not to think clearly.
While it’s alright to feel whatever you want to feel, do not make decisions while at it. You’re not thinking straight. You’re likely to do what you’ll regret later.
Some have taken others’/their lives because they couldn’t handle the betrayal of being cheated on.
If they were thinking clearly, they wouldn’t make decisions like this.
Give yourself time to feel, think, and make a decision when you are in your right mind.
Do not make a rash decision when your emotions are intense.
4. Revenge cheating?
Some people think the only way they can ever handle being cheated on is to retaliate.
An eye for an eye.
Tit for tat.
What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Well, it’s okay to do whatever you feel/think will make you heal, but, if cheating isn’t your thing, do you think it’ll make you feel better?
Also, revenge cheating has led to STIs and unwanted pregnancy for some people and complicated their lives (not even their partners’) even further.
I see a lot of this on Judge Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court.
If cheating isn’t your thing, why would you hurt yourself because you want to hurt another? Why would another person’s choice make you become who you’re not?
Cheating is a choice. Revenge cheating is still cheating, and it’s a choice.
And you’re responsible for your choice, not your partner who cheated. So, you can’t say someone made you cheat.
Also, you will not be more justified than your partner, because you would have done the same thing.
I understand that some people engage in retaliatory cheating to seek validation. They want to know if they’re still hot, desirable, attractive and wanted.
Whatever your reason is, ask yourself if it’s worth it.
5. Don’t blame yourself
Cheating is a choice. Don’t blame yourself for another person’s choice.
You’re only responsible for your own choice (even if your actions contributed to their choice, it’s still their choice).
6. Don’t engage in habits that will get you stuck for life
Some people start drinking or using addictive substances to handle the pain and betrayal of cheating.
Engaging in habits like these will only give you more battles to fight in your life.
Why would you let another person’s action make you take actions that will complicate your life?
It’s wiser to seek healthier ways to handle your pain.
7. Don’t spread the news
It’s advisable to share your pain with others when you’re cheated on.
As a matter of fact, that is what a lot of people tend to do – rant to someone.
However, it’s more advisable to talk with a professional who is not biased and who can help you to make realistic decisions.
Talking to family and friends will further complicate things.
Their emotions might get the better of them. They might even be angrier than you.
They might want to make decisions on your behalf, out of their love for you.
They might encourage you to make decisions that you’re not ready for.
And most importantly, if you choose to forgive your partner and move on, they might not make it easy for you.
Even if they support your decision, they’ll never look at your relationship and your partner the same way again.
You know what?
Family and friends never forget!
And oh, another way you shouldn’t spread the news – social media.
The internet never forgets.
8. Don’t be pressured to continue or break up
Sometimes, when people know our business, they tend to, directly or indirectly, tell us what to do and not to do.
Cheating is a deal-breaker for many people, so, they expect you to break up with your partner who cheated on you.
And if you don’t, they think you’re nuts.
What if you really want to forgive your partner? What if your partner has forgiven you for something worse? What if cheating is not a deal-breaker for you?
On the flip side, what if cheating is a deal-breaker for you and some people think it’s no big deal?
No matter what people think, don’t be pressured to make a decision you’re not comfortable with.
It’s your life. It’s your relationship.
Make the decision you think is good for you.
9. Don’t give up on love or generalize
Yes, cheating hurts but it doesn’t mean everyone cheats.
Don’t let your experience make you give up on love or conclude that all men/women are the same.
10. Don’t let your guards down either
If you choose to forgive your partner, don’t forget to protect yourself especially if you don’t trust them yet.
Trusting your partner again will take a longer time than forgiving them.
I know real-life cases of women who contracted (incurable) STIs from their cheating partners.
Don’t let this be your case. Protect yourself while your partner works on regaining your trust.
11. Don’t confront the side piece
I’ll agree that it’s so tempting to confront the side piece/side dude but don’t fall into that temptation, especially if the side piece is not threatening you in any way.
The side piece is not the one who broke your vows or betrayed your trust. It’s your partner, so face them.
I know some side pieces could be very daring and nasty.
I’d say those ones deserve whatever you dish to them.