“It didn’t mean anything”.
“I didn’t have sex with that person.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was the devil’s work.”
“I swear, it’s you I love.”
Do the statements above look familiar?
Of course, they do.
Even if you haven’t had an experience with a cheating partner, you probably have a friend who has heard any one or even all of the statements above from their partners.
Except for the last statement, the others are an attempt to reduce their culpability for their actions.
It is understandable when people say things like that because they believe it will change the consequences of their misdeeds.
However, when a cheater says, “It’s you I love,” after being caught cheating, you may be tempted to wonder if it could be true or not.
You may also wonder why cheaters say they love you especially when they seem to find it difficult to stop cheating.
In this article, we will be unveiling the various reasons cheaters say they love you even when they can’t seem to stop cheating.
Why Do Cheaters Say They Love You? – 4 Reasons Unveiled
1. He wants to manipulate you
The words “I love you” can be found among the most powerful words humans ever found the ability to express.
Yes, it is supposed to be one of the ways to express genuine love for the people you care for.
However, just like every good thing created, a perversion of it now exists.
Many people now use this expression for their own purposes.
Many people use these words to get what they want from you or when they want to get away with something.
Even when you are angry, hearing those words from someone you love has a way of reducing the intensity of your anger.
Psychologists probably have one discovery or the other regarding this mystery.
When a cheater says they love you, it may just be another attempt to manipulate you into forgiving what they have done easily.
Apart from this, it may also be an attempt to keep you in a relationship with them.
Relationships with cheaters are always characterized by long periods when it seems like you are the very air they breathe before it is followed by a period when they are rarely available.
They switch on that caring aspect of their nature at will, especially when they know they are in your doghouse.
By professing love while involved in deceptive acts like cheating, they may be attempting to keep you thoroughly engaged in a toxic relationship.
This form of manipulation comes in several ways.
It could range from gaslighting to playing on your emotions to keep you dependent on the relationship.
So, you may hear a cheater admit to cheating but claim to love you and then blame you for pushing them to cheat.
It is the same way abusive partners maintain control over their partners.
They treat them inappropriately, then apologize and claim to love their partners while claiming that their abusive behavior was only in response to their partner’s inappropriate behavior.
If your partner cheats on you consistently while claiming that they love you all the time, you may need to consider the brutal reality that you are being manipulated.
2. They are afraid to let go of the relationship
People cheat for many reasons.
Some because they are not satisfied with their relationships.
Others because they lack the control to say no.
This reason is especially slated for the “others.”
When a cheating partner begins to profess their love for you, you may need to consider the fact they probably feel scared of losing their relationship with you.
This may give rise to a question…”Why cheat when you don’t want to let go of your relationship?”
Most people who fall into this category find it difficult to control their urges.
This set of people do not plan to cheat, but they find themselves doing it because they lack self-control.
After committing the act, they may cling desperately to you because they don’t want to face the consequences of infidelity.
Expressing their love for you becomes a last-ditch effort to save the relationship, the last feeble movement of the arms of a drowning swimmer.
This last-minute declaration of love is likely motivated by a streak of self-preservation rather than a genuine acknowledgment of their wrongdoings.
At this point, there may be a conflict between your partner’s urge to hold on to the relationship and your urge to leave the relationship after being betrayed.
3. To minimize the damage of their actions
Cheaters will often tell you they love you to minimize the damage of their actions.
When they do this, it is tantamount to them saying that there was nothing serious between them and the person they cheated on you with.
It may be an attempt to show you that no emotions or commitments were involved in the affair.
The fact is that when people cheat, they do so because they are in full-fledged selfish mode and all that matters to them is gratifying their immediate desires.
They ignore the feelings of the people they love, but when they are caught, they act all remorseful and claim to love only you.
I am not passing judgment… perhaps the cheating was a mistake.
However, such words as “I love you” should not be wielded like a weapon or a shield to protect them from the well-deserved consequences of their actions.
4. They actually love you
This may sound strange, especially if your partner has just betrayed you.
Why do people cheat on those they love?
If they love you, why can’t they make the effort to stand strong against all forms of temptations?
Why didn’t they invest effort in improving the relationship and resolving conflicts?
The fact is there are so many questions about this that I probably won’t be able to finish the article in weeks.
This is because each question brings up another question.
So, really, why do people cheat on those they love?
Often, people cheat because they are trying to fill a hole that can only be filled by the love of their partners.
They cheat because they feel like they are not getting what they are entitled to in the relationship.
They could also cheat not because anything is lacking in the relationship but because they have a void within, maybe due to unhealed trauma or low self-esteem.
A sex-starved husband may believe that he is entitled to cheating on his wife because she doesn’t let him have sex with her nearly as much as he wants it.
When people who are dissatisfied with their relationships but still in love with their partners are caught cheating, they may feel the need to profess the fact that they still love you and are sorry for hurting you.
In this kind of situation, knowing that a cheater really loves you may not be difficult.
How do you know this?
The cheater is really remorseful, not just guilty.
Guiltiness is not a sign that a person is sorry for their actions.
It is just a sign that they are sorry to have been caught in the act.
With remorse, there is this regret and sadness for the pain and hurt they have caused you.
There is also the readiness to pick up the pieces of the relationship and make it better.
They are ready to remain in the relationship and work things out.
Of course, this is only possible if you are ready to do the same.
It is important that we note that while “I love you” may have become a generic statement for cheaters, some are genuine about this.
However, the fact that they genuinely mean this shouldn’t pressure you into getting back with them.
It is possible to love someone and still cheat on them.
To avoid being treated in a way you don’t deserve, you must study your partner diligently to ensure that they are not only sorry for cheating on you but are also ready to work on themselves and determined never to cheat again.
You can also consider getting professional help in navigating this season and rebuilding your relationship after a devastating event such as cheating.