It gets to a point in a relationship where partners decide they want to live together for a number of reasons.
Personally, I do not subscribe or recommend this but then it’s my personal opinion.
Being in a relationship is one thing and living together can be a totally different experience.
Before making this major life decision, you need to consider some red flags that could lead to serious problems later on.
Moving in together is a significant step in any relationship, symbolizing a commitment to share your life on a deeper level.
While it’s an exciting prospect, you need to approach it with a clear understanding of potential challenges.
This blog post will talk about red flags that you should put into perspective before taking the plunge.
6 Red Flags to Consider Before Moving In Together
1. Lack of Communication:
Time and over again, it has been said that communication is key to successful relationships, and this holds especially true when it comes to living together.
Before you dive into moving in with your partner, have you taken a look at what your communication is at the moment?
You really need to evaluate this aspect of your life because the butterflies will die, and it is the friendship built from communication that will sustain you.
In taking stock of the quality of your communication, you can evaluate with the following questions across specific areas:
How do you handle conflicts?
Are disagreements approached with respect and a willingness to find solutions?
Can you both openly express your needs, desires, and expectations?
Are there unspoken assumptions or unaddressed concerns that might become problematic when living together?
How often do you communicate, and is it meaningful?
Are there topics that feel off-limits or difficult to discuss?
How well do you and your partner listen to each other?
Are you both able to understand and empathize with each other’s perspectives?
Your answer to the questions above should help you know the quality of communication between you.
If your communication is not strong enough or shallow, it is either you work together on it or you give moving in together a second thought.
2. Financial Mismatch:
One very difficult aspect of conversations in a romantic relationship is finance.
But if you have gotten to the point of considering cohabitation, then you should seriously consider financial compatibility.
More than you’d ever admit, money-related issues can lead to a huge strain on a relationship.
You need to examine a number of things to ensure you’re on the same page financially.
If you really would be living together, it’s not an spect of your lives you should leave to chance.
You can examine your financial compatibility and status through the following questions:
What is each partner’s financial situation, including debt and credit history?
Are there significant disparities in financial stability that may cause tension?
Do you have similar spending habits or conflicting views on money management?
Have you discussed a budget for shared expenses, such as rent, utilities, and groceries?
What are your and your partner’s long-term financial goals?
Are there differences in priorities, such as saving for a home, travel, or retirement?
Have you discussed how to handle unexpected financial challenges or emergencies?
Are there contingency plans in place to navigate unforeseen circumstances?
You might think these are things that should be left to common sense, but it will surprise you at the outcome of this exercise.
3. Unresolved Relationship Issues:
You cannot talk about moving in together and not thrash the issues you’re currently having in your relationship.
Cohabitation will not take away the issues in your relationship.
If you’re not careful, those unresolved issues are what will make you move out.
Living together will amplify and magnify whatever issues you leave unresolved.
You need to identify the existing issues carefully.
Take stock of any ongoing conflicts, trust issues, or unmet expectations in your relationship, and try to see if there are recurring patterns of behavior or unresolved disagreements between you two.
After establishing this pattern, you need to create a plan for resolution to resolve the existing issues if you’re keen on living together.
This is why communication is important because that is what will help in resolving issues like this.
If you do not resolve these issues, you’ll just be piling stress on an already strained relationship, which might end up breaking you up.
4. Unbalanced Responsibilities:
Living together means doubled responsibilities.
It could be something as simple as cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, or other household chore.
It is not fair to let one person take on all the responsibility while the other takes a backseat.
This will only lead to more stress and may build resentment in the relationship.
Discuss household chores and how they will be divided.
You can create a chore schedule where both of you will contribute fairly.
Also, touch on the financial responsibility you’ll bear individually, like rent, utilities, groceries, and other shared expenses.
You need to know how joint financial decisions will be made and how financial contributions will be handled so as to avoid an imbalance in that regard.
Another responsibility often overlooked is emotional labor.
It’s not something alien, but it is crucial, and those are responsibilities like managing household schedules, planning events, and providing emotional support.
One party should not be burdened, but this should be spread out evenly and even assessed when circumstances call for it.
If you do not address this, you will be creating room for exhaustion and resentment.
5. Unrealistic Expectations:
Sometimes, what kills a relationship is the unrealistic expectations you have set in your head.
You might have been living in dreamland about what living together will look like without factoring in the reality of it.
You need to know that a lot goes into living together, which you might not know before that moment.
You do not expect your partner to have the same set of values and standards by default.
You were not raised by the same person.
Even siblings have different approaches to things despite being raised by the same parents.
You believe your daily habits and routines will be in sync because you have chosen to live together.
Take for instance, my boyfriend is a social butterfly, and I am so in love with my space.
Therefore, there is bound to be a conflict if you are also varying like this, and one’s social life takes precedence over the other’s need for privacy.
Talk about all the lifestyle preferences you cannot compromise in.
If you share different views on socializing, alone time, and other aspects of daily life where you don’t seem to compromise, you’re bound to have issues when you live together.
6. Independence and Personal Space:
Living together is not the same as fusing your lives together.
Sometimes, you need to tap yourself back into life to actually wake up from the dream of living another person’s life.
Yes, you’re so in love and in sync with your partner, but that shouldn’t be a ground for you to stop living your life and make everything about your partner.
It is important to remember that living together doesn’t mean making decisions for one another.
Each of you should have individual lives and personal spaces where you can pursue different interests without feeling confined or controlled by the other person.
If space isn’t respected, it can lead to a lot of strain on the relationship over time.
Discuss how you both envision maintaining individuality within the shared living space.
Establish clear boundaries and respect each other’s need for personal space.
Discuss expectations regarding socializing with friends and family.
Ensure that there is time and space for activities that bring personal fulfillment.
If you do not discuss all of these or they happen to be a problem for either of you, you might hold on with moving in together.
Moving in together is a major step in a relationship, and it’s important to approach it with caution and thoughtful consideration.
These red flags are pointers to what you should thrash beforehand for an easy transition.
Thrashing them doesn’t guarantee a hitch-free leap, but you can be sure you’ll have less to deal with when you get in.