6 Signs The Affair Isn't Just Physical

Most times, people who cheat go into affairs to satisfy physical cravings.

At least, that’s what they tell themselves.

And I don’t dispute that for many, it remains purely physical.

However, for some, their affairs transcend the “just physical” realm into a more emotionally involved relationship…

A relationship that usually has no suitable name other than “complicated.”

Once, I asked a lady about her relationship status, and she thought deeply for some time before saying, “It is complicated.”

I really wanted an answer, so I pressed her, and she opened up to me.

She was having an affair with a married man.

It started like a really simple arrangement…

She satisfies his sexual needs while he takes care of her financially.

You know, the “scratch my back so I can scratch yours” kind of relationship.

In the earlier days, if a guy asked for her relationship status, she used to say she was single.

So, what changed?

How did she move from being single to being in a complicated relationship with a married man?

The truth is that every single time you try to have an affair for purely physical reasons, you run a risk of getting involved in something more complicated.

Just like that lady, you may soon be thinking of your affair as something more than a simple arrangement.

And that’s where you may be setting yourself up for rejection and heartbreaks.

Here are some signs that an affair isn’t just physical anymore:

6 Signs The Affair Isn’t Just Physical

1. You start having deep conversations

Remember the lady I mentioned earlier?

Well, she went on to share her story with me.

She was a single lady in an affair with a married man.

Initially, when she got entangled with the man, it was a simple agreement.

Satisfy him sexually because his wife worked abroad.

Distance was choking physical intimacy in the relationship, and the man felt that he needed to release some sexual tension.

“After all, he doesn’t know what his wife is also doing.”

This was how he just justified his affair with her.

She said she needed the money, so it was not a hard choice.

Along the line, a problem arose.

She was beginning to fall in love with him.

Her conversations with him were beginning to get deeper by the day.

It was no longer the light-hearted banter that usually characterized their interactions.

Instead, they were deep soul-searching discussions.

They were beginning to talk about deep things like fears, dreams, goals, and feelings.

It seemed impossible initially, but she was beginning to develop feelings for this married man, and it seemed like he was returning her affections.

There was just one small catch…

He wasn’t going to leave his wife for her.

He had made that clear from the start, and regardless of how many deep “tête-à-têtes” they had, his decision hadn’t changed.

Hence, her complicated relationship status.

The truth is that the moment that affair transcends from purely physical business into soul-searching conversations, it is a sign that the affair isn’t just physical.

If the conversations go beyond the surface level and start involving connecting on a deeper level, it is a sign that the affair is not just physical anymore.

Emotions are getting involved and it can potentially become even messier than normal affairs are.

2. You have frequent and thoughtful communication

In most affairs that are purely physical, communication is usually limited to when one person is interested in physical gratification.

I used to have a neighbor who usually had several ladies with whom he had illicit affairs.

He also had a faithful girlfriend whom he claimed to love.

I still don’t understand that sort of love.

One time, I asked him how he kept up with the long line of ladies he was having affairs with.

I can still remember what he said clearly.

He said he doesn’t really communicate with them.

He only reached out to them when he wanted to have sex.

When there’s constant texting or calling, even without any immediate need or purpose, it shows they’re seeking each other’s presence in their daily lives.

It shows an intentional attempt to build an emotional connection.

If you didn’t know any better, it would feel like you were in a courtship or at least a serious relationship.

Those messages and thoughtful inquiries about your day, supportive words during trying times, and concerted efforts to help you.

They are all signs that the affair isn’t just physical.

It goes way beyond the physical.

3. You have feelings of jealousy

When jealousy and possessiveness come into the equation, it is a surefire sign that feelings are already involved in the affair.

The working principle of a purely physical affair is the fact that any of the pair involved in the affair is free to explore with others.

Now, when that lady was telling me about her affair, she mentioned the fact that one time, the man traveled to spend some time with his wife.

It was a bad time for her.

He wasn’t reaching out to her, and even when she called, he warned her not to call him again because his wife was getting suspicious of the incessant phone calls.

She tried to occupy her time with other things, but it was quite impossible.

He was posting many pictures of his wife on his WhatsApp.

They seemed to be having so much fun, and she couldn’t help but compare herself to the elegant woman he married.

She was jealous of her.

That was when she realized she had gone too far in the affair.

If one becomes upset when the other interacts with someone else, it’s clear that deep emotions are involved.

Now, we can debate whether you should even be having affairs later.

But if you are feeling jealous when your affair partner goes home to be with their family, it is a sign that the affair is more than just a physical affair.

It could also be the other way around.

If your affair partner gets upset and jealous when you interact with other people of the opposite sex, it is a sign that the affair is beginning to mean more than just a physical arrangement to them.

4. You start introducing them to your inner circle

Sometimes, I wonder about the rationale behind this.

The nature of an affair thrives on its secrecy.

It thrives in the dark.

The thrill of the secrecy is what makes it sweeter.

However, when you start feeling the urge to introduce your affair partner to your friends, it could mean something else is brewing.

Although this is very risky, introducing your affair partner to your friends is a sign that the affair isn’t just physical anymore.

I find it weird just thinking about it.

Like…

How do you go about introducing an affair partner to a friend?

Do you call them your friend or lover?

Either way, it could be a sign that the affair is more than physical.

It is beginning to look more like an emotional affair.

And it doesn’t make it any better.

It just makes things messier.

5. You miss them when you are apart

Don’t get me wrong, you can still miss someone when your relationship is purely physical.

But that usually occurs when you feel a physical urge for them.

It is different from when a friend or lover misses you.

When my female friends miss me, I know it’s because we are connected on an emotional level.

If you discover that whenever you are away from your affair partner, you start developing feelings of longing for them, it is a sign that something is up.

You enjoy the company of your affair partner so much, and when you are apart, you experience an unmistakable feeling of loss.

This feeling goes beyond the desire for physical intimacy.

It displays an emotional attachment to your affair partner.

This sort of attachment complicates things even further in that “complicated” relationship.

6. You start planning for a future together

Now, I will return to the story of the lady who spoke to me about her complicated affair.

The married man she was involved with had already made it clear that he was in the affair for purely physical reasons.

She was cool with this in the beginning.

But at some point, she started desiring more.

She pictured a future where he divorced his wife and married her.

She dreamt of living happily ever after with him.

She was starting to see a future in an affair.

Well, I wasn’t sorry to burst her bubbles at this point.

I pointed out two things that were staring her in the face, but she just hadn’t seen them yet.

First, she didn’t accept that he would never leave his wife for her.

She was merely thinking wishfully.

The second thing is the most important thing…

She was conveniently forgetting that he was cheating on his wife with her.

It’s a clear sign of how untrustworthy he is.

What was the assurance he wasn’t going to cheat on her even if he divorced his wife to marry her?

She sat deflated in front of me, but I like to think that I just saved her from living the life of a side chick to a married man.

Many people have various reasons for being involved in affairs.

In my relatively short experience, I have heard or read about all the reasons people have for being affairs.

I can tell you affirmatively that I have yet to see a justifiable reason.

Nothing justifies infidelity, and if you think that being the single partner in the affair saves you from bearing responsibility for your actions, you need to rethink.

You deliberately accepted to be in a relationship with someone who is cheating on their partner.

It makes you culpable in the act.

And you have no excuse for being in that affair.

Your affair may be showing signs of being more than physical, but it is still an affair!

A complicated mess that I believe anyone should avoid.

Regardless of how much you want something more to come out of that affair, you shouldn’t proceed this way.

Things should be done the right way for the benefit of everyone involved.

Also, if you are married and having issues in your marriage, you should try to resolve matters.

If things can’t be resolved, there are processes for terminating a marriage.

Don’t cheat on your partner, ever.

Do the right thing!