Every human wants to love and be loved.
No doubt, falling in love with someone who loves you back is one of the most beautiful things in life.
But is it still beautiful when the person in question is someone else’s partner? A married man.
Love is a wonderful feeling, and sometimes, it can be an adventurous driver, taking us down unexpected paths.
If you are falling in love with a married man who loves you in return, you may be in a disorderly state of mind, wondering if you’re on the right path.
Feelings are wonderful and super important, but they shouldn’t be the sole basis for making a decision as important as going into a love relationship with someone, more so a married person.
It is important to consider certain essential factors, such as the possibility of this relationship working, what it may mean for you if it does work, and the possible situation you may end up in.
Falling In Love With A Married Man Who Loves You Too: Important Considerations
1. The emotional turmoil
No doubt, you know that this is not an ideal situation, and that is why you are in a state of confusion in the first place.
As much as you may want to fight the thoughts, you can’t shy away from the fact that dating a married man comes with a lot of emotional turmoil.
It’s just a lot of work.
I mean, you feel guilty, insecure, and you even feel angry sometimes.
And honestly speaking, all of these feelings just show that you are a normal human being.
Because if you don’t feel any of those things, something is very wrong.
It is absolutely normal for you to feel somewhat distressed if you’re falling in love with a married man.
Remembering that your relationship is causing pain to someone else and that this relationship is not exclusive to you alone makes it difficult for you to maintain a healthy emotional state.
You constantly think about his wife and his children and the security of your place in his life.
And guess what?
It doesn’t end.
The emotional turmoil takes a new dimension every day.
Another very important thing you need to consider is the secrecy and isolation that will come from dating a married man.
Make no mistakes; in most cases, when people have affairs with married people, maintaining secrecy is usually the hallmark of the relationship.
I’m sure you see it everywhere in the movies and books, how the other woman has to be kept hidden.
But even in real life, when you date a married man, you have to hide it from the world.
And when you think about the fact that no matter how much in love you are and how happy he makes you, you have to constantly hide your happiness from the world, you wonder if it’s really worth it at the end of the day.
You may be compelled to isolate yourself from your friends and family because you want to keep your love affair hidden from them.
And this may put a strain on other important relationships in your life, leading to a sense of loneliness.
It gets even more frustrating when he can easily flaunt his wife and his marriage publicly, and the wife can do the same.
But you are the third wheel that has to hide in the shadows.
That will not feel good at all.
3. The uncertainty
There are no hundred percent guarantees anywhere in life, but with dating a married man, the percentage goes down even more.
Let’s face it: a love affair with a married man holds a very uncertain future.
The future is bleak and unpredictable, and no matter how much you try to take your mind off it and focus on the present happiness, you know that the future is inevitable.
The sweet and deep love you both have for each other may not be strong enough to fight other stronger forces, such as family commitments and bonds.
Thinking about this alone can be a source of anxiety and stress for you, and do you really want that for yourself?
I mean, at the end of the day, if everything goes south, he has a family to fall back to.
But where does that leave you?
4. Moral, ethical, legal, and social repercussions
As I am helping you consider the very important factors, my list will not be complete if I do not mention this.
There are moral and ethical dilemmas that come with having an affair with a married man.
Depending on the values you hold dear, this decision can bring you to a place of distress, making you question your principles and values and leading to a state of inner conflict.
This can be very stressful for you because guilt can weigh you down and take a toll on your emotions.
Not to forget that dating a married man in certain regions or places is unethical.
It can have severe consequences even if he’s getting a divorce.
It can severely impact his divorce settlement and child custody.
Are we forgetting society’s judgments?
No matter how much we try to say that we do not care what people think or say about us, the truth remains that sometimes it can affect us, especially if we are guilty.
Society’s judgment can be very harsh, and it can affect people’s lives, future, and all-around growth.
Judgment from the public can make it difficult for you to move on with your life without any guilt.
It can even affect your professional life and cause a very bad dent in your reputation.
5. No long-term loyalty
“But he loves me.”
I’m sure you know he once said those words to his wife, too, and probably still does.
His love for you does not in any way guarantee his long-term loyalty to you.
In fact, it has been discovered that in many cases, married men who have affairs are unable to provide their extramarital partners with long-term commitments.
Logically speaking, that makes a lot of sense because if he could provide such commitment and loyalty, he wouldn’t even be with you in the first place.
So you may be in a state of perpetual limbo, expecting him to grant you one hundred percent loyalty, but that may never happen.
Love is no doubt a wonderful feeling and even more wonderful when reciprocated.
However, building a love relationship with a married man has the potential to birth a plethora of moral, mental, emotional, social, and ethical repercussions.
The decision is ultimately yours, but just in case you’re wondering how to navigate this complex situation, I have a few suggestions.
What Should You Do If You Are Falling In Love With A Married Man Who Loves You Too?
1. Self-reflect and weigh the options
One of the greatest proof of maturity and emotional intelligence is your ability to self-reflect and process your feelings and actions.
You need to take some time out to reflect on your life, decisions, future, and motivations.
Ask yourself difficult questions and try to answer them.
Try to understand what your feelings are and then proceed to thoroughly assess the potential repercussions of this relationship.
Counting the costs is crucial to understanding if it is worth the stress.
If everything goes wrong that could go wrong, would it still be worth it?
Is it worth numbing your conscience, morals, and principles?
I know these are difficult questions, but it is a great place to start the journey towards making an informed decision.
2. Seek Support
Who said you had to handle this alone?
You may seek support or help from any trusted friend whose judgment you trust.
Don’t go for a friend who will tell you what you want to hear.
I mean, why fool yourself?
Confide in someone mature and intelligent and will help you make the right decision.
If you have to consult a professional, by all means do.
3. Talk about it
Of course, you have to talk to the other party involved in this.
Initiate a conversation with the married man and open up about your feelings, concerns, and reservations.
Make it a safe place for him to respond as well, communicating his motivations to you.
You both must clearly define what you have going on and the expectations you have from each other to help minimize confusion.
If you have weighed the options and have seen that it is not worth it, do not let it become too overwhelming for you.
It may be best for you to end the relationship.
This can be a tough thing to do, but if that is the price to pay for your peace of mind and stability, then I believe it is worth it.
4. Be firm in your decision
Deciding to walk away from a situation like this will be difficult not just because you’re in love but also because the man may keep trying to convince you otherwise.
Because of his strong feelings for you, he will make a lot of promises and try to get you back.
This is where your strength is really tested.
You have to be firm in your decisions and set boundaries.
Define the relationship and let it be stated.
Failure to do this will lead to a lot of emotional turmoil for you because there will be a lot of back-and-forths with no certainties in the relationship.
5. Prioritize you
The main reason I took the pain to state all of the considerations above and even suggest some solutions for this complex situation is because I want you to know that you matter.
Your peace, well-being, and mental health matter very much, and no one should uphold that as much as you do.
Prioritize your self-care and try to create your happiness.
Pursue your hobbies, embrace personal growth, and engage in activities that boost your happiness and mental well-being.
Just focus on you.
6. Forgive yourself
Learning, unlearning, and relearning are all part of growth and life.
Whatever decision you make is a part of your growth process.
You may not always make the best decisions, and you may get it wrong sometimes, but that only makes you human.
You have to practice self-compassion and show yourself some grace.
Avoid self-flagellation like a plague.
7. Open your heart
While all of this is going on, I don’t want you to forget that you can always explore other options.
Life does not start and end with your current love interest.
You can develop healthy, romantic feelings for someone else, and that can be the beginning of a beautiful love story.
If the relationship with a married man does not bring peace nor promise fulfillment, you should keep your heart open to other healthier options.
This is a positive step in the right direction.
Ultimately, the decision is yours.
I can only advise you to make healthy choices that foster personal growth, healing, and peace for every party involved.