Actions and consequences.
This is one of the first lessons everyone learns as a kid.
In a generation that is so big on freedom and the right to make whatever choices you want, it is easy to forget that while you have control over your choices, you have none over the aftermath of those choices.
In this article, we will be considering the various consequences of choosing to mess with a married man.
Being romantically involved with a married man is all shades of wrong, regardless of your reasons, and because it is the wrong thing to do, there are a lot of things that can go wrong while you are at it.
Come along with me as we explore the many things that could happen when you decide to mess with a married man.
7 Things That Happen When You Mess With A Married Man
1. He will never commit to the relationship
“But, but, but… He said he would marry me.”
It is not uncommon for married men to promise marriage to women, especially when they are trying to entice them into an affair with them.
What is actually uncommon is a married man leaving his wife and family to marry the other lady.
Rarely does an affair with a married man lead to marriage for the other woman.
Hence, if you are considering messing with a married man because you think you “love” him and want to marry him, you may need to start beating a fast retreat because the path you have chosen most probably leads to a dead end.
You may want to mention examples of men who left their wives for other women.
Few men would indeed make good on their promise to marry you, but do you really want to take that bet?
Apart from this, if he could break his wife’s and family’s trust, what is the assurance that he won’t do the same to you?
Think about the future and imagine a life of insecurity because you can’t exactly bring yourself to trust your husband.
The sleepless nights because he is not at home and the anxious weekends because he had to take a business trip that you are not sure is a business trip.
Is this the kind of life you want for yourself?
2. The exhaustion from hiding the relationship gets to you
Dating a married man is not something you do confidently and publicly.
You have to meet at your apartment or a far-off-the-grid hotel.
Perhaps you may have dinner at some out-of-the-way restaurant.
This is especially so if you are having an affair with a celebrity or a public figure.
The constant skulking around may be all right with you for a few weeks or months.
It may even be a bit exciting in the early days, like something out of a spy movie.
With time, you will get tired of having to keep your relationship secret.
The clandestine meetings will begin to chafe upon you.
You will have to deal with frustration at the constant lies and secrecy, his last-minute cancellations because he has a family emergency.
Having to wonder if the person in the next car knows him or his wife will never get old.
The hiding will get on your nerves, and you will begin to question your place in his life.
Why you would expect to have a place in the life of a married man, in itself, is a mystery to me.
3. You will feel lonely most of the time
If you believe it is lonely at the top, then you had better start believing that life as a side chick to a married man is even lonelier.
If you believe that he will continue spending all his time with you as he did in the beginning, you may be in for a rude shock.
One of the major perks of a normal relationship with someone who is also single is companionship and support.
A married man will rarely be by your side, whether in the good or bad times.
You could be going through the worst time of your life, and he will be in the arms of his wife, just being comfortable.
That’s not the picture of an ideal relationship, and it should never be.
4. You will battle with guilt
Guilt is one major emotion that messing with a married man brings to your life.
You will feel guilty about a lot of things.
You may want his attention and love, but when he is with you, you will not be able to chase away that nagging feeling that keeps telling you how much you are hurting his wife.
If you have any iota of sympathy in you, you will feel bad for her and, sometimes, for yourself because you will always put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you will feel in her place.
If you are a religious person who believes in God, this may affect your relationship with God because having an affair with a married man is considered a sin by most religions in the world.
Between constantly longing for him and dealing with the guilt of playing a part in destroying his marriage, an affair with a married man can leave you emotionally drained.
5. You may miss the opportunity to meet the right guy
Extramarital affairs can be so all-consuming that you may not have time to focus on other important aspects of your life.
As a single lady, you shouldn’t spend your time mooning over married men.
Instead, it would be best if you spent your time pursuing purposeful activities, enjoying your leisure with friends, and patiently waiting for the right guy.
Even if your affair with a married man doesn’t take your time because he is hardly around, he still lives rent-free in your head, making it hard for you to mingle with other guys.
An affair with a married man may cost you that ring on your finger; someone to wake up with every morning or share a home with.
Spending your crucial years mooning over a married man is definitely not the right way to pass the time.
6. He will likely dump you
Imagine a time when he no longer needs you.
Perhaps he has found another younger woman to take your place, or he has discovered the errors of his ways.
Regardless of the reason, consider what will happen when your relationship with him ends.
He will cut you off from his life.
In Nigerian parlance, this is called “Premium Breakfast” (meaning a vicious heartbreak).
Those expensive gifts will stop coming.
The calls, the dates, and the sex… All gone.
And what will be left?
You’ll be lonelier than ever before.
Just think about it.
7. You may get caught
“But I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t break anyone’s trust. He broke his wife’s trust. Why am I being treated like a pariah?”
This statement coming from ladies who have affairs with married men is not unusual.
Many ladies justify their affairs with married men by implying that they do not have any obligations to their wives.
That may be true, but you have an obligation to society, and when you are caught, you will face the accusatory stares and comments of people.
So many ladies have had their reputations damaged just because of this.
Dating a married man may be exciting and thrilling in the beginning, but it rarely ends well.
These are some of the things that can happen to you when you mess with married men, and as you can see, none of them are positive.
Perhaps you are on the brink of giving in to the advances of a married man; stiffen your spine; don’t give in.
Just in case you are already in an affair with a married man, you can still get out of it.
Affairs may be complicated to end, but the things that happen when you mess with a married man may be even harder to bear.