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Couples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart – 9 Reasons For This

Couples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart – 9 Reasons For This

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Even though sleeping apart as a couple may be beneficial individually, would you believe me if I told you that a decision seemingly as simple as where you sleep at night could significantly impact your relationship?

Did you say, “That’s farfetched.”?

Well, recent studies conducted by researchers have proven that couples who sleep apart are at risk of drifting apart in other areas of their lives.

So, while you may view sleeping apart as a practical solution to getting a good night’s sleep, please bear in mind that it may negatively impact your relationship.

Did you ask, “How so”?

That is the exact problematic question this article seeks to answer!

Here, we will discuss how sleeping apart causes problems in a relationship.

We will then explore some ways you can overcome the problems that arise in marriage due to sleeping apart.

When we talk about couples sleeping apart, we’re referring to couples who sleep in separate bedrooms or even in different homes, as couples in long-distance marriages do. 

For some couples, this arrangement is a practical solution for dealing with different work schedules, health issues, or sleeping disorders like snoring or sleep-talking.

For others, it may be a way to create space and independence within the relationship.

It’s a personal decision, and every couple is different.

While sleeping apart may have some benefits, it may also have serious negative impacts.

Sleeping apart may cause drifting apart in the following ways:

Couples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart – 9 Reasons For This

1. Sleeping apart may cause a disconnection in your relationshipCouples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart

When you sleep apart, you may have less time to connect and discuss your daytime activities with your spouse.

Couples who have less time to talk may start to experience a decline in shared activities and experiences.

This decline in communication may lead to a disconnection in your relationship.

Predicting your spouse’s behavioral pattern or daily schedule will become more difficult as the situation worsens.

The problem of disconnection has the prospect of stirring worse issues, such as misunderstandings, mistrust, or conflict in the relationship.


2. It may cause differences in sleep duration and imbalanced sleep qualityCouples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart

Couples who sleep apart tend to sleep at different night hours, which may result in an imbalanced sleep quality.

For example, the spouse who gets enough sleep may have a burst of energy for house chores, while the other spouse who is sleep-deprived may feel irritable and unwilling to participate.

In that kind of situation, the energetic spouse may start to feel overused or abused by the other spouse, while the sleep-deprived spouse may feel overworked, bullied, or nagged.

Fatigue can lead to other health issues, like a weakened immune system, which can further impact your relationship.

The fatigue and irritability experienced by these spouses have the prospect of stirring other problems in the marriage, problems.

These problems include physical distance, verbal abuse, emotional distance, and even a weak immune system, amongst others.


3. It disrupts spontaneous contact between couples

When you’re in the same bed with your partner, it’s easy to randomly reach out and touch your partner, cuddle them, chat about your day, or generally enjoy their physical company.

This improves your physical intimacy with them.

Seemingly tricky issues that may cause knotty problems are often discussed and resolved “on the bed” during such spontaneous intimate periods.

Sleeping in separate rooms makes it harder to have opportunities for this kind of spontaneous connection.

In the long run, this eventually results in a feeling of distance and lack of intimacy.


4. It may cause lonelinessCouples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart

If you’re used to sleeping next to your spouse, adjusting to being alone at night can be challenging.

Sleeping apart may increase a sense of loneliness, especially if physical touch and quality time are your love languages. 

This promotes negative feelings of isolation and depression.

If one partner is feeling lonely, it can have a ripple effect on the relationship as a whole.


5. Your relationship may start to feel less important and stagnantCouples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart

In the course of your daily activities, so many other things compete for your attention and energy, such as work, hobbies, and friends.

When you sleep apart from your spouse, you are prone to easily feel like the relationship is taking a backseat to other priorities, like work or hobbies.

Over time, you will likely feel the relationship is not worth investing in, and you may become demotivated to put in the effort required to maintain the relationship.


6. Lower chance of conception for TTC couplesCouples Who Sleep Apart Grow Apart

This point is peculiar to couples who are trying to conceive. 

If they sleep in separate bedrooms, they may be half as likely to have children as those who sleep in the same bed.

This is because spontaneous and frequent sex happens when they sleep on the same bed. 

Sleeping apart may make sex appear always planned or as a mere routine for baby-making.

Also, as the spouses sleep apart, they may find it harder to take active steps or discuss family planning.

Yes, TTC couples need to target specific periods for sexual intimacy,  but they are often encouraged to have as much sexual intercourse as possible.  


7. Sleeping apart promotes secrecy in marriageCouples who sleep apart grow apart

Couples who sleep apart tend to feel disconnected as the distance persists.

There may be less face-to-face interaction, particularly for couples living in the metropolis.

It then becomes harder for the spouses to open up and be vulnerable with each other.

Sleeping apart may give some spouses a valuable sense of privacy, independence, and freedom.

It is, however, prone to attract the correlative danger of encouraging spouses to keep secrets to protect their independence.

Sleeping apart engenders secrecy.

And since many marital issues stem from a lack of transparency, this may not be good for the relationship. 


8. It reduces opportunities for conflict resolution

When you’re in the same bed with your spouse, it’s easier to have conversations about complex topics or even just resolve minor disagreements.

But when you’re not in the same room, those conflicts can fester and build up over time.

This can lead to resentment, anger, and even disconnection from your spouse.


9. It may also encourage spiritual lethargy Couples who sleep apart grow apart: Reasons why

My husband had a nightmare overnight. 

It was easy for us to hold hands and pray immediately because we were beside each other. 

If we were in separate rooms, he might have been tempted to delay till morning, by which time he might have even forgotten about the dream. 

For Christian couples, sleeping apart may discourage praying together. 

As it is often said, a couple who prays together stays together.

Praying requires effort, which could be better put in place by physical closeness. 

We should do things that will facilitate a prayerful lifestyle as a couple. 

When couples sleep apart, coming together to pray may appear more work than it already is. 


Closing Remarks

The most important thing is to ensure you and your spouse are happy and satisfied in your relationship.

Your bedroom isn’t the only place where love happens.

What you also do outside of the bedroom really counts.

So, whether you sleep together or apart, prioritize your relationship by making time for each other, communicating openly, and intentionally showing love and appreciation.

Follow these practical tips to strengthen your marriage and solve problems posed by sleeping apart

  • Have regular date nights with your spouse.
  • Set aside time daily to talk and connect with your spouse without distractions.
  • Find an activity that you can enjoy together.
  • Make an effort to show appreciation and affection regularly.
  • Seek out counseling or couples’ therapy if you find it challenging to resolve the issue on your own.

Remember, your bedroom arrangement is just one factor.

Whether you sleep together or apart, your love and commitment are what truly matter.

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