When you are in a relationship with a separated man or any man, the ability to recognize red flags is essential.
Red flags are beyond flaws or little issues that every relationship has.
They are major issues or subtle issues that have the potential to become major.
The catastrophe many people encounter in their marriages or deep into their relationships is usually a result of red flags that were initially ignored.
Thus, it is essential that you know what dating a separated man red flags are.
Dating A Separated Man Red Flags: 10 Warning Signals Not To Ignore
1) He blames his ex for everything
This is a clear sign of irresponsibility in a man.
While it is not impossible for his ex to have been terrible, a responsible man will accept his share of the blame, no matter how little, and not put everything on his ex-partner.
If he keeps blaming his ex for all the issues they had, you have a sign that this man will only heap all the faults on you when you both have issues, because you will.
I know you’d think the ex is the problem because you are in love or he’s been sweet to you.
You are in the honeymoon stage of your relationship where your partner’s faults are blurry.
You might not even find any fault or let’s say, major fault throughout your relationship.
But when you start living with someone, that’s when you get to know them for real.
This is why some people can date for seven years and divorce within two years of marriage.
So, don’t swallow whatever a separated man tells you hook, line, and sinker.
2) He says terrible things about his ex all the time
Simply saying the negative things his ex did is different from badmouthing her and calling her names.
The former is normal but the latter is a red flag, more so if done many times.
Breakups are not the most exciting things to happen to anyone and it is pretty common for people to walk away from their partner with all sorts of negative feelings and a sore taste in their mouth especially if their ex was terrible to them.
But if he keeps expressing those negative feelings and spitting out vile things about his ex, something is wrong.
It shows that he has not healed, his feelings are unresolved, and he needs some time.
This is a red flag because you’re staying with a person with bottled up negativity within him and that is unhealthy for him, you, and the relationship.
3) He has formed beliefs from his breakups
When you’re with a separate man and he says things like, “that’s how all women are”
“Women are irrational and not sensible.”
“I’m not surprised you acted this way. It’s how woman behave.”
And other statements of bias like those, you know that he has formed mindsets from his breakup and now thinks that all women are evil.
The worst thing about men like this is that they will constantly seek ways to prove their theory correct.
They are so convinced that all women are a certain way and will grab every opportunity they get to reaffirm their stance and this includes every mistake you make.
This will overtime build resentment and you’re probably going to end up like his ex.
You have to watch out for his attitude and mindset towards women.
There are signs that show that he no doubt has formed ideologies birthed from his past relationship.
You may notice that he is condescending, verbally abusive, etc
These are red flags.
4) You do not feel safe with him
Although our feelings are frail and unreliable most times, other times, they’re a useful tool and should be trusted.
If you do not feel safe around the separated man you are dating, that is a red flag.
You may not have been privy to the full details of his past relationship and why it ended but you must remember that some relationships end because one party was toxic and probably even a threat to their partner’s life.
Thus, if you get feelings of fear about being with him, pay attention to that.
5) He is toxic to his wife
The ability to maintain a cordial relationship with one’s ex is a sign that a person has healed and can handle situations well.
If you still see signs of toxicity from him towards his ex wife, either when they communicate about their kids, or some other thing, that’s a red flag.
If he’s calling her names, insulting and disrespecting her, that is not a man to be with.
6) He always compares you with his wife
Whether the comparison is positive or negative, it is unnecessary.
Positive comparison subtly puts you under pressure to live up to some unspoken standards he has.
And negative comparison is just worse.
Because if his ex was better and still ended up as his ex, what chances do you have?
Comparison is a red flag.
7) He doesn’t stand up for you
Due to the fact that he is separated, your relationship with him will be unique and have some dicey times.
Introducing you to his family and friends for instance, you may meet people who are mean or unwilling to welcome you.
Your man must be willing to stand up for you and protect what you share.
If he does not, you have your sign that you’re in a wrong relationship and there is no future there.
8) He makes you his rebound
A man who hasn’t healed yet but wants to be with you and wants you to immediately fill up all the void left by his ex is a red flag.
He wants to do everything with you and introduce you to everyone very fast.
This seems like a good thing at first until you see that it isn’t and he just wants someone to fill the shoes left empty by his ex.
You deserve a person that loves you for you and not for what you can do for them.
9) He constantly says “I Don’t Deserve You”
At first, this may sound romantic and cute, making you feel like he puts you on a high pedestal.
But when he says this too often, it’s a red flag, especially when he really means them.
It can be a sign that he suffers serious low self-esteem from all he experienced in his previous relationship.
You do not posses what it takes to always reassure him and bring up his self-esteem.
He needs to work on himself and become confident in the fact that he is worthy of love.
You can’t always do that for him because you are not his therapist and do not have to suffer for what his ex did.
His saying he doesn’t deserve you can also be because he actually does not deserve you because he is a terrible person and is hiding something from you.
A man saying he is not worthy of your love is not something cute.
It is something worrisome.
We are all worthy of love and if we have something going on that makes us unworthy, then we should not be in a relationship.
10) He’s still in love with his ex
A separated man isn’t completely divorced so there is still some chance that he will return to his wife.
This is especially true if he still has feelings for her and his wife also wants him back.
Be attentive to consider signs that show that he is not the one.
You must be convinced that he is ready to be with you and make it work.
It is also worthy of note that even though he many not be completely responsible for the issues that led to his divorce, it is also a possibility that he was responsible for some part of it.
Do not ignore the issues you notice and try to address the ones that can be sorted.
However, once you notice any of the above red flags, may be it is time to reevaluate the whole relationship.