”I hate my boyfriend’s past!”
”My boyfriend’s past makes me sick!”
So you’ve been dating your boyfriend for several months, and it’s going great.
You feel like he is THE ONE, and he seems to feel the same way.
The only problem is that he has a few skeletons in his closet, whatever that means to you.
Maybe he was a ladies’ man before he met you, or maybe he has a shady past that he’s not proud of.
If it’s something you can’t seem to get past and it’s causing a lot of tension in your relationship, you should do something about it.
Here are a few tips on what to do when your boyfriend’s past makes you sick to the stomach:
”I Hate My Boyfriend’s Past”
1. Determine if your feelings are rational
The fact is that your partner may have done some bad stuff before you came along but take some time to determine whether your feelings are rational and reasonable or if they’re based on jealousy or insecurity.
Be honest with yourself about why you’re upset.
2. Have a conversation about your feelings
If your feelings are rational, then there’s nothing wrong with sharing them with your boyfriend in a calm manner.
In a relationship, it’s important to communicate with each other about what makes you feel uncomfortable.
He might not even realize that his history is negatively affecting you.
If you do not talk about your feelings, they may end up festering and causing problems in your relationship.
By discussing your feelings, you can work through them and potentially strengthen your relationship.
3. Don’t ask him about it if you don’t really want to know
If you’re not ready to hear the details about your boyfriend’s past, don’t ask him about it.
It’s unfair to put him in a position where he has to relive old memories that may make him feel uncomfortable.
You should only ask him about his past if you’re truly ready to listen and accept what he has to say.
If not, it’s best just to leave it alone.
Ignorance is bliss, sometimes.
4. Put yourself in his shoes
Try and see things from your boyfriend’s perspective.
He may have done some things he’s not proud of, but he’s probably trying to move on from his past.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone has done things they’re not proud of, so try to remember when you’re judging your boyfriend for his past actions.
He’s probably already beating himself up for it and doesn’t need you to do it too.
5. Respect your partner’s right to privacy
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that your partner owes you every detail of his past.
You should respect that if he’s uncomfortable sharing certain things with you.
At the same time, he should also respect your feelings and be willing to talk about anything that’s bothering you.
6. Don’t bring up his past all the time
If you’ve had a conversation about your feelings and you’ve come to an understanding, then don’t bring up his past all the time.
Constantly bringing up what he did in the past will only make him feel defensive, damaging your relationship.
Instead, focus on the present and future and what you can do to strengthen your relationship.
7. Look at your past, and don’t be judgmental
It’s easy to be judgmental when it comes to your partner’s past, but try to look at your past as well.
We all have things we’re not proud of, which doesn’t make us bad people.
So, just because your partner has a checkered past doesn’t mean he’s bad.
Try to be understanding and accepting, and give him a chance to prove himself to you.
8. Try to have a sense of humor about his past
If you can’t seem to get over your partner’s past, try to see the humor in it.
There’s always a silver lining; if you can laugh about it, it won’t seem like such a big deal.
Of course, this isn’t always possible, but it’s worth a shot.
Humor has a way of diffusing tension and making things seem not so bad.
Your boyfriend will appreciate you for this and might even help him to deal with his ugly past.
9. Remind yourself that he has chosen to be with you
No matter your boyfriend’s past, he has chosen to be with you in the present.
That should count for something.
The fact that he even shared his ugly pasts with you shows that he trusts you and wants to be open with you.
Remember that everyone has a past, and it’s not always easy to deal with.
Don’t make him regret opening up to you.
10. Focus on his positive qualities
It’s easy to focus on the negative when thinking about your partner’s past, but try to focus on his positive qualities as well.
There must be something that drew you to him in the first place.
Focus on what you love about him and what makes him a great boyfriend.
By doing this, you’ll be able to see him in a more positive light, and it will help you to move on from his past.
11. Focus on the present and future
The past is in the past for a reason.
There’s nothing you can do to change the past, but you can influence the present and future.
Focus on what you have now and what you can do to improve your relationship.
And don’t forget to enjoy the moment.
Life is too short to focus on negativity.
If you can’t seem to get over your boyfriend’s past or don’t think he has changed, or you don’t trust him, then you need to decide if the relationship is right for you.
You may love him, and he may be a great boyfriend now, but if his past is something that you can’t deal with, then it might be best to end things.
Because you won’t have a fulfilling relationship if you’re always worried about what he did in the past.