What to say when breaking up with someone you love?
Of all the things you plan to do in your life, breaking up is probably one of the most difficult.
It’s even harder if you’re the one doing the breaking-up.
There are so many things to consider.
When should you tell them?
How should you tell them?
What if they want to get back together?
What if they cry?
But, if you’re at the point where you think breaking up is necessary, chances are you’ve thought about it a lot — and still decided it’s the best thing for both of you.
How do you break up with someone you love?
You’ve seen enough romantic comedies and dramas to know that breaking up is a scene of high drama, replete with crying, shouting and maybe even a slap or two across the face.
But you don’t want that kind of drama in your own life; you just want to break up in a way that is honest, respectful, and as painless as possible.
How do you go about it?
First, remember that breaking up does not have to be hostile.
If you come from a place of love, your soon-to-be-ex will feel it—even if the news is hard for them to hear.
If you come from a place of anger, bitterness, and resentment, your breakup will reflect this and likely turn into an argument.
Even if you have been deeply hurt by your partner, remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect in this very vulnerable moment.
This post will offer you a guide on what to say when breaking up with someone you love:
What To Say When Breaking Up With Someone You Love
- Be sure
Never break up with someone unless you’re sure that’s what you want to do.
Breaking someone’s heart (even when you think it’s for the best) is a horrible feeling.
Don’t do it if there’s even a small chance you might change your mind later or end up hurting them even more by changing your mind later on.
Consider the pros and cons of being with this person and decide if it’s worth continuing or not.
If the relationship is no longer healthy for one or both partners — or even abusive — then it’s time to move on.
2. Plan what you will say ahead of time
Plan what you will say ahead of time. You don’t need to write a full speech, but think through what points you will make and how the conversation will go before you talk to them.
You might think everyone knows this, but a lot of people don’t.
Don’t wing it!
Prepare what you want to say before the conversation so you can be as clear and concise as possible.
This isn’t a conversation that should go on for hours.
Have the conversation in person if possible.
If your relationship is long-distance or your partner is otherwise unable to meet in person, it’s OK to have the conversation over the phone or video chat.
But be sure to do it in private and remove any distractions that could make the conversation less worthwhile for both parties.
3. Pick the right time and place
It’s not enough to know what to say when breaking up with someone you love; choosing the right place and time is also crucial.
Pick a place that’s private and relatively quiet so you both can concentrate on what’s being said.
A restaurant isn’t a good idea either: if the other person gets upset, you don’t want an audience.
Also, try not to schedule the breakup around a big event or another time that might be distracting.
For example, don’t break up with someone before their big exam or after they’ve just lost a job or a loved one.
You should also try to avoid breaking up during a holiday or anniversary since your partner might interpret this as a malicious action meant to hurt them.
4. Tell them how much they mean to you
Telling someone that you don’t want to see them anymore can be difficult, but one of the ways to make it easier is by telling them how much you care about them and the qualities you admire in them.
Go into detail about what you love about them as a person, not just as your partner.
For instance, you can say things like,
”You have a generous heart. I can say you are one of the most generous people I’ve met in my life, and I’m glad to have experienced that part of you.”
”I love that you are passionate about what you do. You are living the life, and you have challenged me to pursue my passion, no matter how simple or crazy it seems.”
”You are a go-getter. I admire your ambitious spirit. Nothing can keep you down. You don’t take no for an answer. I have no doubt you’ll do so great in life.”
”I love your humility. I sometimes feel like your humility shines a light on my pride. You don’t look down on people and you genuinely have a heart for others.”
You know your partner more.
Figure out what you like about them and tell them.
A little compliment about their strengths may help them feel better about themselves and the relationship.
This can make it easier for them to accept the breakup.
Be genuine about it, so you don’t sound as if you are patronizing them with flattery.
5. Acknowledge the good or positive things you experienced with your partner
Mention the good or positive things they did in the relationship so they don’t feel like a failure.
For example, you could say something like, “I really appreciate how supportive you were when I was going through a difficult time,” or “I’m glad that we shared some of our favorite hobbies.”
This assures them that your time with them wasn’t a complete waste of time.
6. Reasons for breaking up; give reasons, not excuses
Think about why you want to break up.
What’s your reason?
Is it because your partner isn’t supportive during tough times, or because they haven’t been there for you when you need them?
Do they make fun of you, or are they always critical of what you do?
Do they cheat on you constantly?
Are they disrespectful towards you or others around them?
Or maybe it’s not anything your partner has done — maybe it’s just that the spark has gone out of the relationship and the excitement is gone.
It just doesn’t feel right anymore, and no matter what you do to try to bring back those old feelings, nothing seems to work.
That’s OK too — relationships can change over time, and that doesn’t mean either of you did anything wrong.
It just means it’s time for both of you to move on and find someone who makes you feel satisfied.
The reason for your breakup will determine what you should say.
Make sure you are honest but tactful.
For instance, if you were the one who cheated, you can use phrases like,
“I cheated on you”
“I am not satisfied with our relationship”
On the other hand, if your partner did something wrong and broke your trust, you need to tell him or her what he or she did to make you feel this way.
You can use phrases like:
“You betrayed me”
“You cheated on me”
“You have broken my heart, and I can’t move on from it”
‘You have broken my trust, and just can’t trust you. what is a relationship without trust?”
If neither of these is the case, then it means that there is nothing specific that made you decide to break up with your partner.
This is why it is important to talk about what happened between you two and let your partner know why he or she failed to make YOU happy.
So, you can use phrases like:
“I don’t see us together in the future”
”I’m not convinced we are right for each other anymore”
“This isn’t working for me anymore and I want to end our relationship”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think this relationship will work out in the long run because …”
“I’m not being fair to you or myself by continuing this relationship. What I need right now is …”
”We want different things; we are headed in different directions. We can’t journey together”
“I’ve been feeling really unhappy lately, and I haven’t been myself”
“I’ve just realized that I’m no longer happy in this relationship.”
This lets your partner know that the relationship has run its course and there is no point in pursuing it any further.
7. Avoid cliches
Don’t try to cushion the blow by saying things like “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I just don’t see this working out.”
It may seem like the kinder thing to say, but these are empty words that don’t mean anything and often sound patronizing.
Your soon-to-be-ex is going to see right through your attempt at the kindness and feel even more hurt.
8. Don’t be dramatic or overdo it
Even if things aren’t working out for you, try not to make it look like a movie scene.
Talk about how things aren’t working out between both of you and that each of you deserves more in your life.
Try not to blame each other or talk about how bad the relationship was because that would only hurt each other unnecessarily.
Just focus on how your own needs aren’t being fulfilled within the relationship.
9. Don’t make promises you cannot keep
It is never OK to say that everything will be fine or that you will remain friends if deep down you know that is not possible.
The person deserves an honest answer, even if it hurts more.
Allow them to accept your decision and move on.
Don’t make promises that if they can change or be different, then you can get back together again later unless you have genuine intentions to follow through with this promise and have thought it through very carefully beforehand.
10. Be prepared for the situation to be awkward and uncomfortable
Do not expect your partner to understand or accept your decision.
One thing that can make a breakup easier is realizing there is no good way to do it.
There is no way to tell someone you want them out of your life without hurting their feelings.
In fact, it would be abnormal for your partner not to hurt a little bit when you break up with them.
But while a breakup may feel like the end of the world, it isn’t.
You both will survive this and you can take this experience and learn from it.
Since this relationship didn’t last forever, there’s no reason why you can’t take what you learned from it and use that as fuel for your next relationship.
I hope this article helped give you ideas on what to say when breaking up with someone you love.