Fear is a crippling emotion that dominates your thoughts and influences your actions if you allow it.
“Perfect love casts out fear,” the Bible says.
In a healthy relationship, love and fear should not co-exist.
However, some people in relationships have different kinds of fears.
It could be the fear of being cheated on, the fear of losing the one you love, the fear of being what Nigerians call “a mumu for love,” and so on.
Can we talk about the fear of breaking up today?
While in the university, there was a lady who was so into her cultist boyfriend.
They had been together for years, but we knew she wasn’t happy with him.
He would cheat on her so brazenly and beat her as “jara.”
She was tired of the relationship, but she was also scared she’d regret leaving him.
She was stuck with a guy who had the charm of a monster.
Well, if you are reading this and this resonates with you, I believe clarity awaits you at the end of this article.
Please read on as we look at possible reasons you want to break up with your boyfriend but you’re scared you’ll regret it and what you should do next.
”I Want To Break Up With My Boyfriend But I’m Scared I’ll Regret It” – 10 Possible Reasons For How You Feel
1. The fear of the future
This is probably the most popular fear that assails every human being at the threshold of an important decision.
Breaking up with someone you love or once loved is not an easy thing to do, and it is not unusual to have thoughts of uncertainty about the future.
You may find yourself wondering if you’ll ever find someone you love or who loved you like them.
Even in cases where the love has gone sour, you may find yourself visiting the past joys while wondering what the future holds for you.
The fear of the future is usually accentuated by limiting self-beliefs and low self-esteem, if any.
If you don’t love yourself enough, you may find this fear crippling because you’ll believe the future is bleak.
2. He’s your first love
Surprised?
Don’t be.
First-time lovers usually fall the hardest.
It also makes letting go very hard for them too.
Throwback to the first time you experienced love, the jitters, butterflies in your belly, and the way your heart expands for this person; it is a great feeling you never want to let go of.
Some people say there is no other love like the first time.
Although this is an unfounded statement, then again, this may be why you are scared of breaking up and why you feel you will regret it.
3. You have low self-esteem
Hello, low self-esteem. Is that you?
The root of fear is usually deeper than it seems.
Sometimes, we treat the symptoms and forget to dig deep into the real cause of that fear.
It is possible you are scared you will regret breaking up with your boyfriend because you don’t think much of yourself.
Perhaps you believe you don’t deserve this guy, and he is way out of your league.
Or you think the problem in the relationship is you.
I have met ladies who are in abusive relationships but excuse the guy’s behavior and say it’s their fault instead.
This is a sign of low self-worth.
If you believe that you don’t deserve good or your boyfriend is the best you’ll ever have, then that explains why you are scared you’ll regret breaking up with him.
4. You believe he is your all in all
Even though relationships are about two people, you should never lose your individualism.
A likely reason for the fear of breaking up you feel is that you and your boyfriend have become so intertwined with each other that it is complicated.
It also plays out in your subconscious beliefs about him.
He may have grown on you so much that you can’t imagine life without him.
Also, you may have started off as individuals, but if your lives are now so connected, this may happen.
It may be that you are now flatmates, you own and run businesses together, and you have joint investments and accounts.
This can complicate things at the point of exit.
5. You are afraid of him
Remember the story of the lady I shared earlier?
She was stuck because she was afraid of what her cultist boyfriend would do if she broke up with him.
Yes, different people take breakups differently.
Some are pained, but they move on, nursing their pain as they go.
For some, it is a very bitter pill to swallow, and they’ll do anything to get back at you.
If your boyfriend is a vengeful person or one who has ties with unscrupulous elements, this would explain why you are scared of breaking up with him.
6. You are afraid of loneliness
One of the benefits of relationships is companionship.
It is also a double-edged sword and the reason you may be stuck in relationships and afraid to move on.
For the record, it is not unusual to feel this way.
The great thing is that your life is not static, and you are constantly evolving.
Singlehood is not a curse, and you have the opportunity during this period to pursue your interests and become a better version of yourself.
In the course of these adventures, you’ll get to meet and build more relationships.
Who knows, you might even find someone who is a better match for you.
However, this fear of loneliness can also be an underlying reason why you are afraid to leave your current relationship.
You may feel that without your partner, you will have no one to share your life with and will be left feeling empty and alone.
But then, being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness or fulfillment.
In fact, staying in a toxic or unhappy relationship will lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
7. He pays your bills
There’s a saying that “He who pays the piper dictates the tune,” and it rings true.
In relationships where the guy invests financially in the girl, her family, or education, calling it quits may leave a sour taste in the mouth.
I used to know a lady who was in a relationship with a guy who was financially buoyant and who paid all her bills.
From school fees to books to accommodation, feeding, and even monthly allowance, this guy footed it all.
He also tried to ensure she lived in comfort.
She was a big girl, but the fact that he was paying her bills made it hard for her to leave him.
She felt indebted to him and couldn’t imagine starting over without his financial support.
This is why it’s important to be financially independent in a relationship so that you’re not held back by money when making decisions about your future.
While it’s nice to have someone who can help you financially, it should never be a reason for staying in a relationship that no longer serves you.
Don’t let the fear of losing financial stability hold you back from finding true love and happiness with someone else.
There are many ways to become financially stable on your own, whether through education, career advancement, or entrepreneurship.
8. You have invested too much in the relationship
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” is a caution given around investments.
The other side of the warning is that your eggs could break, and you’ll lose everything.
Perhaps you have invested too much in the relationship.
That’s why you now hesitate to let go, as that would look like losing on all counts.
For some, it is being in one relationship for so many years.
For others, they have given so much of themselves and their resources.
Some may already have a child for their boyfriend or have aborted pregnancies for him.
Whatever the investment is, whether or not it relates to the ones cited in this point, it is another reason you may feel scared to leave your boyfriend.
It is understandable you feel this way.
9. You are confused or weak-willed
It takes courage to walk away from a relationship, especially if you have been in it for a long time and you are in love.
You may feel confused and unsure of what to do, constantly questioning your decisions.
This indecision can be a sign that you are not completely convinced of breaking up with your boyfriend.
It could also be a sign of weak willpower, where you struggle to follow through on your decisions.
10. Fear of confrontation
Breaking up with someone means having difficult conversations and possibly dealing with negative emotions such as anger, hurt,
and sadness.
This can be intimidating, especially if you are not used to confronting difficult situations or expressing your feelings openly.
It may seem easier to stay in the relationship and avoid confrontation, but this will surely to resentment and unhappiness in the long run.
11. Social pressure
Society often places a lot of pressure on individuals to be in relationships and views being single as a negative thing.
Your friends or family members may also put pressure on you to stay with your boyfriend because they like him or think you make a good couple.
This social pressure can make it harder for you to leave the relationship, even if, deep down, you know it is not right for you.
12. Feeling guilty
If your relationship has been going on for a while, you may feel guilty for wanting to end it, especially if your partner has not done anything explicitly wrong or he’s been there for you during difficult times.
You may feel like you owe it to him to stay in the relationship, even if it’s not making you happy.
13. You are afraid of making a mistake
Leaving a relationship can be scary, especially if you have invested a lot of time and emotions into it.
You may be afraid that ending the relationship will be a mistake and that you will regret it in the future.
This fear of making a wrong decision can hold you back from leaving the relationship.
So, what can you do if you are afraid of breaking up with your boyfriend?
1. Take the time to reflect and evaluate your relationship objectively.
Are you staying because you truly love him or because it is easier than facing the unknown?
Are you afraid of being alone or starting over?
These are important questions to ask yourself in order to gain clarity and make a decision based on what is best for you.
It is not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship that no longer makes you happy.
2. Seek support from trusted friends or family members.
Sometimes, talking to someone who knows and cares about you can help you see things more clearly.
They may offer different perspectives or insights that you have not considered before.
Having a support system can also give you the courage and strength to make a difficult decision.
3. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.
Writing can be a therapeutic and reflective process.
Take time to write down your thoughts, feelings, and concerns about the relationship.
This can help you organize your thoughts and identify patterns or issues that may be causing unhappiness in the relationship.
4. Consider seeking therapy or counseling.
If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable talking to or if your thoughts and feelings are overwhelming, consider seeking professional help.
Therapists and counselors are trained to listen without judgment and can provide guidance and support as you navigate your relationship issues.
5. Communicate with your partner.
This is one thing you should absolutely do.
Who knows?
Maybe your boyfriend shares the same concerns and fears as you do.
Communicating with him might be more enlightening than you think.
Remember this: Sometimes, the hardest decisions are the ones that lead us to the best outcomes.
So, trust yourself and trust that you have made the right choice for your own well-being.