Attraction is sometimes like a magnet; you attract who you are.
A wise woman once said that when you keep having the same pattern of issues in relationships, the problem may not be those people but you because you are the constant.
Borrowing a leaf from this, I’d say that most patterns we see are rooted in deep issues that need to be exposed first before one can break free.
It is now common to read tweets online of disgruntled girlfriends and wives complaining about having laid-back men in their lives.
While they break their backs working, these men are couch potatoes who only know how to spend.
On the one hand, you may be tempted to wonder if the male gender is getting lazier by the day, and on the other hand, you may wonder why a hardworking lady will end up with a lazy bum.
For the ladies in this shoe, it must be tough, and that’s why today we will be demystifying the question of why you attract lazy guys.
“Why Do I Attract Lazy Guys?” – 7 Reasons You Attract Laid-Back Guys
1. You desperately want to be loved
“I’m a sucker for love” is the mantra of incredible romantics.
They daydream, meditate, and visualize falling in love with the man of their dreams. Don’t we all?
When it does happen, they fall head over heels in love; the only issue is that unlike in romantic novels, most real-life relationships don’t jump from the meeting point to the happily ever after’s.
This is because love and relationships take a lot of work to build and sustain.
“Love is blind,” they say, but most people disagree, and the word on the street is that you have to “shine your eyes“ in love.
This here may be the missing piece to this puzzle.
Lazy guys do not come in special ugly packages bearing the “I am a lazy guy” tag.
Sometimes they are just what you dreamed of: tall, dark, handsome, muscular BUT with a slight defect …laziness!
In fact, some are amazing dressers, smooth with words, and great lovers too.
If you are too desperate to be loved and to have your own fairytale love experience, you may miss the signs that the guy in question is unambitious and lazy.
If you have noticed a pattern of attracting such guys, you need to step back and evaluate your desperation level.
Are you so eager to be loved that you throw caution to the wind?
This might be why you attract lazy guys.
2. You are too motherly
Most women are motherly or have that in their configuration, but the degree of motherliness differs according to personalities, upbringing, psychological factors, etc.
One major characteristic of mothers is sacrifice… motherhood is synonymous with sacrifice.
I once had a roommate who was the human definition of “mama bear.”
She loved to take care of everyone.
She didn’t mind going on a limb for others; it was her design, and mothering others made her happy.
If this resonates with you, then this may be why you attract lazy guys.
The sheer fact that you are very nurturing may make you oblivious to the signs that the guy you are with is lazy.
I recently saw a video on Instagram of a lady who cooked about seven different kinds of meals and prepped them for her boyfriend in plates of ten per meal.
I can only imagine what type of labor went into that, but she seemed happy doing it.
The comment section was hilarious, as several men offered to be her next boyfriend.
Who doesn’t like good things?
Are you the kind who does everything for your boyfriend and gives him money, all in the name of being caring?
Do you feel fulfilled only when he is happy?
News flash: lazy guys are very strategic and won’t want to end up with ladies who will drill them, so they’ll look out for very nurturing ladies.
They will prey on this good trait of yours and wiggle themselves in.
Maybe you are too indulgent and need to keep that part of you in check.
3. You ignore red flags
Perhaps you are in the habit of ignoring red flags.
Laziness is not written on anyone’s forehead.
Rather, it is behavioral.
Even though it takes time to get to know people’s actual behavior, the signs occasionally seep into your interactions with them.
Do you ignore it when a guy says he has been between jobs for years?
Do you ignore requests for bail-out funds from your new boyfriend while he keeps spinning you more and more tales by moonlight about people owing him or having money stuck in investments?
Do you easily get carried away by flowery words, and when your guy says he is into import and export business, you don’t seek details?
Have you noticed that your boyfriend likes to change the topic when you are probing into his job, financials, or income source?
Are you in the habit of waving off how patronizing he is when he is at your place and the pressure from him to move in with you?
Babe, these are all red flags; if you look well enough, you’ll find more.
Red flags should never be ignored as it has dire consequences; one such is being constantly stuck with lazy ass guys.
4. You have low self-esteem
Another reason you may be attracting lazy guys is that you have low self-esteem.
This expresses how you think or perceive yourself.
You may find that you are also afraid of loneliness or being without a boo.
Because you don’t think much of yourself, it may be hard to get a decent guy.
Heck! You probably wouldn’t recognize one.
The root of this low self-esteem may be unhealed childhood trauma, and possibly, this has now become a stronghold in your mind and affects your relationships.
Very similar to this, it is possible all you ever saw as a child was women playing the breadwinner roles while their men spent the money their wives made on frivolities and addictions.
Seeing this pattern in your parents, family members, and even neighbors may color your view and expectations of relationships.
If you are also dating within that same environment you grew up in, you may end up dating one lazy guy after the other because it has become a subconscious stronghold.
This may be the reason lazy guys are attracted to you.
5. You are a strong woman
Being ambitious as a woman is very inspiring.
However, I have noticed that most lazy guys end up with strong, ambitious ladies.
This is how they play the game.
While your strength is an admirable characteristic, it has its boundaries, and there is a line that, when crossed, becomes a weakness.
I have heard stories of women who willingly took on the role of provider in the home until their husbands relaxed and stopped caring.
A lazy man won’t even bother you because he has you to do the bothering for him.
Most strong women don’t know how to let others help or care for them; this might be why you attract lazy guys.
They know you have what they lack and don’t mind you driving or leading the relationship as long as they are living the soft life and enjoying the fruit of your labors.
6. You don’t know what you want
Not knowing what you want is the ultimate recipe for confusion.
Just before you conclude that attracting lazy guys for you is a pattern, maybe the issue is that you are double-minded and unstable in your ways and desires.
Naturally, as an attractive lady, different guys will come for you, just like bees frolic around flowers for honey.
However, you have to decide if their values align with yours.
If you don’t even have personal values or principles guiding your life, you can be rest assured that you will be swayed by any Tom, Dick, and Harry; and God help you if they are all lazy bummers.
Having clear personal values will guide how you live and your relationships.
Your personal values will signal to you what your deal breakers are.
Without these, you will be a YES lady, constantly saying yes to disguised lazy guys.
7. You are too focused on ephemeral things
Are you moved only by physical qualities?
His smile might be the brightest and most charming, but he may lack ambition.
He may be very romantic but lazy.
Usually, we see what we want to see.
If you are only moved by ephemeral things, you may always be in a loop with lazy guys.
There used to be a sitcom on African Magic about a group of hustling young men in Lagos, Nigeria.
Now, these guys were squatting in one room in a face-me-I-face-me-I-face-you house in one of the ghettos in Lagos, but they spoke impeccable English and had impressive wardrobes.
They’d dress and attend networking events, meet wealthy ladies they could charm, and start dating.
The goal was to get these ladies to care for their needs and pay their bills so they didn’t have to work again.
It might look like a sitcom, but this is the script many lazy men use in relationships.
Ladies who are focused on ephemeral things will miss the signs of their laziness and get stuck with them.
They’ll only realize it when they start picking up the bills or dealing with their constant excuses for not working.
But why do these guys choose to live this way?
Well, there could be many reasons.
Some may have grown up without strong male role models who taught them the value of hard work and responsibility.
Others may simply have a sense of entitlement, believing that someone else should take care of them because they are men.
And some may just lack ambition and drive, preferring to coast through life without putting in much effort.
No matter the reason, being in a relationship with a lazy guy can be exhausting and frustrating.
You’ll constantly find yourself carrying the weight and responsibilities of both partners while he sits back and enjoys the ride.
Aside from financial strain, this can also lead to a lack of respect and unequal power dynamics in the relationship.
You may find yourself feeling resentful and unappreciated while he feels entitled to your efforts.
If you are tired of attracting lazy guys, you might wanna check if any of the above reasons apply to you and make adjustments where necessary.
When you do, the quality of the guys you attract will also improve.
Wishing you all the best!