”I’m in a long term relationship but have feelings for someone else…”
Have you found yourself in a situation where you’re in a long-term relationship but are developing feelings for someone else?
Let us talk about it.
Being in a relationship makes you focus and invest your emotions in one person.
Your mind is no longer wandering, and you can safely say you are not searching anymore.
But recently, you have been feeling attracted to someone else.
You are fond of this new person, and no doubt, you have developed feelings for them.
This happened without your knowledge, seeing that you did not initiate it or plan for it to happen.
It just did.
If you initiated it or intended it to happen, that is a different case entirely.
But if you did not, you may feel guilty and confused, wondering what to do.
It is important to know that being in a relationship does not immune you from developing feelings for other people.
You can be in a long-term relationship and still develop feelings for another person.
It is not unusual because feelings are not anything solid.
They can be stirred up by emotions, quality time spent together, or even hormones.
What matters is what you do about the feelings you have and how you handle the situation.
In A Long Term Relationship But Have Feelings For Someone Else
Tips on what to do:
1. Understand that it might just be a distraction
When you are in a relationship with one person for a long time, it is normal for you to get distracted at some point.
No matter how amazing your partner is, someone else will come and it will feel like they are the next best thing.
Do not be quick to fall for it.
For you to have been with your partner this long, we want to believe that it means that what you feel for them is quite strong and they are worth it.
So this might just be a distraction.
And the thing about distractions is that they do not last and should not be relied on solely to make any serious decision.
So this new attraction might be a mere distraction.
2. Consider your feelings
Consider what you feel for this new person and find out what exactly it is.
Is it lust, temporary excitement, attraction to their status or possessions, or genuine love?.
One way to ascertain this is by staying away from this new person for some time.
Sometimes, your frequency of seeing them and spending time with them can create the impression that you love them when in reality, you are just becoming fond of them.
You need to be sure what you feel and why.
Are you genuinely in love with them because they are kind and connect with you?
Or is it superficial?
3) Make a decision
As much as this is hard, if you are in a long term relationship but in love with someone else, you need to decide.
Even though leaving your current partner may break their heart, it is better and more proper than leading them on when you have feelings for someone else and would rather be with them.
You have to make a decision on what you want to do to avoid staying distracted in your relationship.
4) Consider your decision properly
This is one of those decisions that you want to take your time to think about thoroughly.
If you have decided to stay with your partner, you must be sure that is what you want to do.
Because, it will require that you create boundaries with this other person and focus on your relationship.
On the other hand, if after considering the situation properly, you decide to leave your partner for this new person, it is also worth a second thought.
Do not be hasty to decide and do not act emotionally.
Be logical and calculating.
Tell yourself the truth.
5) Communicate with your partner
If you have decided to move on to this new person, you have to let your partner know that you’re leaving the relationship.
It is unfair to allow a person keep emotionally investing in you when your mind is with someone else.
Find a convenient time and place to discuss with your partner and let him know that you are ending the relationship.
Your partner will be hurt but eventually be grateful that you did not lead them on or cheat on them.
It is possible to be in a long term relationship and have feelings for someone else.
It does not always mean you are a bad person.
What you do about it is what determines the kind of person you are.
You are in the best position to know the two people involved and what your gut says about them both.
It is essential that you weigh your options well, decide and be committed to your decision.
FAQs
Is it wrong to cheat on my partner once?
Cheating is never right, regardless of the number of times it is done.
You should not cheat on your partner and you should not tolerate being cheated on.
However, if you have already done it once and you are remorseful and determined never to let it repeat itself, it is okay to forgive yourself and create systems that help you remain faithful.
Can this new person be better than my long-term partner?
It is possible for the new person you are developing feelings for to be better than your partner and end up being a more appropriate partner for you.
However, that does not happen often and you can not determine that just by the nice things they do to you now to get with you.
The duration of time you have spent with your partner should have made you know their character and personality.
It is your job to tell if your partner is a great person you should stay with, or a toxic or lazy partner that you should stay away from.
